Why do you drink? Or why do you not drink?

[Autumnleavesfalling]

Been thinking about this tonight.

I drink too much. The thought of not doing so and letting go of that instant relax worries me.

I don't quite understand why I have chosen this as my coping mechanism. What do other people do at the end of a long day, working, kids all the household stuff etc for that instant 'and breathe ' feeling?

@Autumnleavesfalling

Thank you everyone...for so many people I know 'wine o'clock' is very much a thing. I really like hearing what other people do for winding down

I think we try to save that feeling for Friday night. The rest of the week it's a cuppa and an early night!

I don't drink because it never occurs to me and I don't really like it. Relaxation is a cup of tea, some crap tv or a bit of MN.

I don’t drink because I’m alcohol intolerant. It makes my skin red and blotchy, my chest becomes tight and it upsets my stomach.

Winding down options:-

Bra off, shoes off.
Hot bath.
Take a cup of tea into the garden and potter about noticing what’s alive and what’s changing with the weather.
10 minutes of yoga.
Orgasm.
Knitting.
Put on pajamas.
Chocolate gelato on the sofa.
Sit in silence on my own and stare out of the window for long enough to really notice the sky/what I can see (sounds boring but it’s magic for a quick reset when my head is full of noise).

I think I have brain washed myself. The bottle opening, the glug of the wine pouring to me signifies the end of the day and 'switch off'. I need to find something else. I go to the gym but it's usually at lunch break or before work

I was in a very similar position as you OP. I was drinking on a daily basis to relax and unwind. However I was really struggling to get up in a morning and felt rotten, especially if I'd had 1 too many. I've also put on weight. Feel lethargic and dull. I found I was thinking about it through the day.

I just decided enough was a enough. I absolutely love not thinking about it now. I'm really not bothered at all. I thought I'd not cope without a glass, but it was the complete opposite. I now sleep much better, get up no problem, feel much more energetic in a morning, feel happier in general, lost weight and I'm even feeling a little more confident in myself.

Now I'm not saying I won't have a glass of wine when I fancy one, but it will be just that.

I now drink juice, herbal tea and if I'm feeling naughty a cold Diet Coke, what a treat.

You can do this and you'll not regret it.

I have an alcohol-free beer, or a hot chocolate, when I need that unwinding feeling. I stopped drinking alcohol eight months ago and it’s the best thing I ever did for my health. I sleep better, my skin is clear, my mood is more even, I just feel better all round. I stopped drinking because I was worried about how much I was drinking, but now I don’t drink because life is easier and better without it. You think you need alcohol to relax but you really don’t. I recommend This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and Alcohol Explained by William Porter which both helped me understand why I felt like I needed alcohol to cope with stress and relax. Good luck!

I'm 32 and a recovering alcoholic. I'm 5 years sober, it would have been 6 but I drank myself stupid at my dad's wake because his death was horrific (see the tell tale sign of all alcoholics there: justification). I drink cola every single day, I like coffee too but cola gives me that ahh that's better feeling, if I'm feeling sophisticated I'll have ice and lime. Now I have a host of hobbies that I love doing every day and they leave me with no money for booze anyway.

I don't drink and never have done. Never liked the taste of the stuff and grew up in an environment with an alcoholic and didn't want that life for myself.

I get a headache with just a sip.

I play games, call family or watch tv

Loving these responses... nnnyn. Sorry can't do your username but thank you.

And Verbena87 great ideas... feeling a bit crap after a relationship breakdown and think I have taken the wallowing with wine too far

I don’t routinely drink. I may have the occasional cocktail on holiday. I used to drink a fair bit when out socialising as a young women. Over the years this reduced until one or two drinks when out with others was enough. I no longer drink at all (aside from rarely the aforementioned one when away on holiday). My husband is a (sober) alcoholic and since I am happy to take it, or leave it, I choose to abstain completely in day-to-day life in support of him. As a result, I have the benefit to my own health, skin etc.

If I feel stressed and need to relax, I lie down and listen to a good audiobook or go for a walk.

The fact that you've started this post is a massive bonus. You've identified something isn't quite right and you want to change.

You could start by reducing your intake. So say If you have a bottle a night, go to 3/4 a bottle for a week, then 1/2 a bottle for a week etc etc.

Or you could make some plans so you can't drink. Become the driver.

You can do this. You will feel like you again.

I don’t class alcohol as a switch off and relax. If I drink it’s to go partying and let my hair down (then spend two days recovering). I also can’t sleep when I drink as the sugar in it keeps me awake all night. I never sit down on a night time I’m too busy getting ready for the next day then I go bed. Everyone I know who drink to relax sit down on a evening I don’t know if that’s the difference

@RicherThanYew Congratulations, really well done 👍

I drink to celebrate or relax after a particularly bad day at work, I've been quite stressed the last few weeks so have drank most days!

I drink out of habit and social pressure. I'm in my mid-40s now and have really started to notice the negative impact it has on me (tiredness, bad skin, eye bags, lethargy, generally feeling 'poisoned') and have been trying to cut down for ages. Only recently started having any success. Am down to 2-3 glasses of wine a week now. I don't exactly feel better for it, but I don't notice those negatives, which is a plus!

Can't claim to have any tricks for winding down as my life is insanely stressful right now so winding down hasn't been much of an option.

I rarely drink - I start to feel dizzy after one drink and if I drink more I hate the feeling of being out of control and fear of being sick. Plus lots of calories in it as well which didn't affect me before but now hitting late 40s and have to be more careful.

Relaxing - watching some mindless TV programme on Discovery, looking up travel / planning a holiday, film on Netflix, nice meal maybe with non-alocholic cocktail like pineapple juice mixed with coconut milk. Nice takeaway. Baths can be relaxing. I also find swimming relaxing and jacuzzi / sauna / steam room. And pets like cuddling the cat. Though realistically all days are not going to be relaxing and sometimes you just have to think today was awful but things will get better and maybe work on a plan to achieve that.

I’m on day 11 of not drinking because I can’t drink “only” 1 or 2 so I’m better drinking none. I used to drink to relax, to treat myself, to mark a celebration etc etc. then became because I was tired, bored, sad. Now I don’t drink because I want to set a good example to my daughter.

I rarely drink as I don't like the taste and I don't like feeling tipsy.
Had my fair share of boozy nights out but now prefer a nice hot non alcoholic drink.

I'd still have the occasional cocktail with friends, glass of posh red for dinner (has to be amazing) Pimms for a special summer BBQ or a really good cider at the pub (warm cider in winter after a dog walk).

But 98% of the time, I prefer a cup of tea or coffee or, at a push, some hot chocolate.

I drink too much, I use alcohol to cope with depression and anxiety. I have stopped before but keep going back to it. I gave up smoking without difficulty, I don't know why I can't do the same with alcohol.

The other thing is I live in Spain in a tourist resort, the days are very long here, there are bars everywhere.

I used to drink too often and too much. Gave up a few years ago and it definitely improved my anxiety etc. Like others have said, it’s now a
relief not to think about it.

Of course you feel brainwashed but don’t beat yourself up - that’s how society views booze (happy? Have a drink to celebrate! Sad? Cheer yourself up with a drink. Stressed? This will make you relax. Introverted/socially anxious? Have a drink to perk yourself up and be a livewire. And so on)

Reading quit lit really helped me understand this (the sober diaries, the unexpected joy of being sober etc).
What worked for me was giving it a break for 90 days just to see if it helped. It did.

To get that ‘relax’ feeling I have a glass of posh tonic water with ice and lemon in a nice glass, or a cuppa and chocolate. Your body misses the sugar so I found it ok to have sweet things in the short-term while breaking the association. I just cut back later.

Now I don’t miss that feeling so much. My triggers are sadness - I then fancy numbing my feelings and getting that buzz. But I have things I do to deal with it (go for a run, go to bed with a book - rock n roll! But works for me and I wake up, at least hangover free).

Good luck.

I drink rarely and only socially, like a cocktail in a cocktail bar for a special occasion kind of thing. For relaxation I go swimming, swimming up and down a lane is like meditation for me. I do that a couple of times a week. Immediately after finishing wfh I flop on the sofa with my phone.
Then again, I’ve never understood wine o clock nor have I understood really wanting a cup of tea so I’m probably just weird.

My ex was an alcoholic, and he liked company when he drank. Last month i finally faced up to the fact that he'd left me with quite a bad habit of relying on a couple of glasses of wine every night. I've had a rough 3 years since I left him but even so, not an excuse. I've gained weight, my skin was shockingly bad and I never used to leave a glass in the bottle if I opened one.

I decided I was going to stop drinking in the week, and would only drink on a weekend, but I am now 17 days today without a drink. After 5 days I reached the weekend but didn't feel like I wanted to just sit drinking alone that weekend - so I didn't! I'm watching what I eat and I've lost half a stone this far. I've embraced herbal tea and lime & lemonade of an evening and I'm keeping busy redecorating my house.

For me it was a habit. I've not suffered any kind of bad symptoms through stopping which apparently you can if you're dependant so I think that means I've stopped it in time before causing myself serious harm, but I felt it was a slippery slope that I was on and definitely a cycle I'd got myself into which sounds similar to you. Its got easier each day, and my sleep is so much better this week, as is waking up without an alarm clock and feeling much brighter in the mornings. And my skin is clearing up too. Lots of benefits to cutting down or even stopping altogether.