Why do you drink? Or why do you not drink?

[Autumnleavesfalling]

Been thinking about this tonight.

I drink too much. The thought of not doing so and letting go of that instant relax worries me.

I don't quite understand why I have chosen this as my coping mechanism. What do other people do at the end of a long day, working, kids all the household stuff etc for that instant 'and breathe ' feeling?

I rarely drink because I don't like the after affects, I can't sleep well if I have had a drink and I feel groggy the next day. Also I have a suplhur allergy so wine is awful, my gums go numb and my sinuses block up instantly. It's just not worth it for me.

How about buying some alcohol free versions. Then you will see if it's the contents that you're depending on, or the act of winding down with something in a glass. All the best OP.

I used to because I genuinely liked the taste and enjoyed having a glass or two of wine in the evening. I was never a big drinker.

I don’t drink anymore because I have an anxiety disorder and trouble sleeping, as well as problems with severe headaches so I thought I’d see if giving up alcohol helped. It didn’t, but now I’m out of the habit and I save a bit of money (not loads because I wasn’t drinking that much anyway) so I’ve not gone back to it.

I have an iffy relationship with booze, so I now only drink at weekends if at all. I do puzzles/colouring and read in an attempt to switch off.

I drink because I don't want to feel, which is the way to disaster!

I'm a recovering alcoholic of many years. I suppose that towards the end of my drinking (any time of that day or night), relaxation was the last thing I was experiencing, although escapism and a reluctance to return to the real world definitely was.

I think a decision not to drink is about pros and cons, and in my case the consequences, quite aside from the obvious health and relationship issues, in the end made it something I had to do if I wanted to stay alive.

I appreciate that this isn't really the answer to an unwind question but it was only ever alcohol that made me feel anxious or depressed - take it away and I didn't need it in the first place (I say this after 14 years in AA, so had lots of help and support).

I don't drink, I stopped when I was about 25 (now 40) I stopped enjoying the feeling of being out of control or my behaviour. I don't miss it unless I'm significantly stressed and even then it's just a fleeting thought.

A bath is my 'and relax' moment, and I look forward to that all day, I've got some lovely bath oils and candles so it makes it feel like a treat.

I rarely drink and never when stressed or when I need to relax - I come from a long line of functioning alcoholics and worried through out my childhood about close family members. I would never want to put my children through that.

I think it's worth working out why you drink.
'I like the taste' or 'It relaxes me' don't really hold water because loads of things taste nice and we know that once the alcohol wears off you aren't so relaxed.

A glass of wine lifts my mood, I feel happy and successful, my mind slows down and often comes up with ideas for improving my life, things to do.
And when I was younger it gave me confidence and made me outgoing.

However that's the first glass or two. Now I'm older it also makes me sleepy and less outgoing. And the first glass or two is never enough, I try to get back to the initial lift by drinking more but it doesn't happen.
Then I waste an evening because I'm not able to concentrate well enough to do anything but watch (and fall asleep in front of) tv.

It's addictive - but I find that planning something to do in the evening- sewing, reading gives me a reason not to drink.
Also we tell ourselves we aren't alcoholics so drinking doesn't matter but along with obesity and lack of exercise it can increase your risk of breast cancer. Stats are 1:8 women develop breast cancer.

We only drink at the weekends here, I mark the start of the weekend with a glass of wine at 6pm. Alcohol hits me hard so I don’t need much and then I generally pass out on the sofa and sleep the evening away, so I tend to not have much!
On other days I’ll have a bath, watch Netflix, exercise.

Clean or gardening.
I hate the weight gain and tiredness.
We try to limit it to two nights a week, but both of us enjoy it so it’s hard.

Only reason I don't drink is because I am calorie counting for weight loss. My 'me time' is the gym and having my PT sessions.

But i absolutely have no issue with a glass of wine to relax, it's a switch off button because it works and is great to help relax.

From my experience of being in a glass (or two) in an evening, it gets easier the longer you don't drink. I haven't had any alcohol since Christmas 2020 and I no longer have the desire. Doesn't mean I'll never drink again, just that for now I'm happy without it.

I enjoy drinking, but no longer enjoy the after effects - poor sleep, terrible headaches. I tend to stick to 1-2 beers once a week unless I have an event to go to.

I have associations with booze like you around relaxing, so always want a glass of wine when cooking dinner on a Friday night. I keep soda water and fancy cordial (elderflower etc) in the fridge and have that instead. I find it's a good replacement as it's something I wouldn't otherwise have and feels like a treat. I think if you want to cut down on drinking creating new habits can really help

I hardly ever drink. Even a couple will make me feel horrible the next day, and through the night. For some reason I just can't cope with the hangover feeling. Usually when I'm ill I just get on with it but being hungover is different. Bot worth it.
I used to drink A LOT when I was younger though.

OP my DH stopped his daily drinking for a full 7 months following on from dry January.

He has an ice cold alcohol free beer and I have an alcohol free gin and tonic ( although I do drink once or twice per week).

DH will now have one pint at the pub but never drinks at home.

For us, it’s about breaking the habit/ association. DH still ‘needs’ his alcohol free beer as it’s a ritual. assuming no real alcohol issues you just have to go through the cold Turkey that by for a week or two then you’ll probably stop having that wine o’clock feeling as the habit will break.

Oh and a bath or few minutes on my plus in massage ‘chair’ (£199 from Argos) is also great.

Good luck op. I can’t even have one glass of wine without feeling it the next day so I keep reminding myself of this too! (I’m okay with a single gin and tonic or bottle of lager though).

*plug in massage chair.
Sorry for other typos. On my phone!

How much wine do you drink op?

Personally it disrupts my sleep patterns so I drink when socialising or maybe once at the weekend, can be up to a full bottle then, often less, depends on what I’m doing and my mood. But I don’t drink during the week as I need to work the next day. Plus it’s just really unhealthy

I don’t drink, never tried it.

It has just never appealed to me.

My religion promotes a healthy lifestyle and as a result most people don’t drink. It is my responsibility to take care of the mind and body God gave me in the best possible way.

None of my family drink - parents, aunts, cousins, grandparents, extended relatives. Some because of their religion, most because of taking the decision themselves not to.

My grandad and all his family were alcoholic and my dad vowed when he was little never to touch alcohol. He (and us) saw the devastating effect alcohol addiction had on their family and town.

I want to be at 100% mentally so I can be the best I can in what I do. Drinking, smoking, eating crap affects your brain and doesn’t allow you to exploit all your mental and physical capacities. I’m still working on the eating crap part
Professional sportsmen and women refrain from drinking regularly or smoking, because they need to operate at 100%+ every single day.

I’m in a job where everyone has a beer at the end of the day, it used to get tiring explaining why I was always asking for an alcohol-free one. Lately more and more people are choosing not to drink every night, some try going a whole month without any alcohol, and there is a general change of culture in the circles I move in, regarding alcohol consumption. You’re not seen as the weird one anymore, at least not as much as it used to be.

Before children, I used to drink most nights.
Now I rarely drink. Mostly because it doesn't always agree with me (health condition). I'll have the occasional glass of wine or G&T. Sometimes I fancy a glass of wine but stop at 1 and don't want the rest, even the next day do seems pointless to waste the bottle.
Other ways I unwind:
Reading, yoga, going for a walk, a bubble bath, puzzles, watching a movie.

I only really started drinking when I was 40.
I don't come from a family of drinkers so never saw the appeal.

But too many times recently, I've reached for the bottle to deal with stress / upset / anxiety. I have now consciously decided to not drink at all.

I am only on day 3, but got to start somewhere.
Hopefully my liver kidneys and skin will thank me for it.

@mumof2oneofeach

I don't quite get the "ahhh, and relax" feeling but I think that's just been programmed into me. I actually don't need that feeling anymore, I just enjoy the evening as it is.

I agree with this.

I don't really drink at all. I like alcoholic drinks, but not any more than a non alcoholic drink. So given the negatives (cost, health) I would rather have a soft drink.

I don't feel I need something to help me relax in the evenings, or to signify that the evening has started.

Totally gone off it the past year or so ( peri menopause) . When I was younger I was a but of a binge drinker at weekends . I just can't stand it anymore 😪 the hangovers are so much worse
On holiday about 6 weeks ago it was about 40 degrees and I'd have just one cold beer in the afternoon but not everyday
Went to a bar last weekend and middle aged drunk people just looked ridiculous

I rarely (almost never) drink alcohol at home because it relaxes me too much and I am always busy in the evenings so I feel I need to be more on the ball. I usually only drink Christmas Day.
If I'm out for the day or evening with friends then I'll have a few drinks but I don't really get drunk.

These are hugely changed days from when I was younger and I would drink to the point of excess at least twice a week. No kids and fewer responsibilities then though.

I stopped drinking three months ago for health and vanity reasons. I feel so much better, have lost a stone, skin's clear and I can sleep for England.

The feeling you get when you open a bottle and hear the glug is a dopamine hit from anticipating pleasure. Dr Chris and Dr Xand's recent podcast has some really interesting info on dopamine (it's also what happens when you pop open a can of fizzy pop or open a crinkly packet of crisps etc).

It's perfectly possible to train your brain to get that dopamine hit from something else. For me it's going for a walk or run, or having a really hot bath. Most of the battle is just deciding to make that change and sticking with it until it becomes a habit.

I don’t drink alcohol at all because i tried it when I was younger and it does nothing for me and I don’t like the taste - I’d much rather have coffee or a hot chocolate.

I posted on a similar thread yesterday. I didn't thinking I'd replaced the booze with anything but I realise now that I used to sit between 6 and 7 (before cooking). I've recently discovered become addicted to Tiktok. I 'allow' myself an hour of Tiktok before cooking in my defence there is very good content (along with the shite) and its not prejudicial to my health. I do attend some evening classes for fitness twice a week.

Sorry, I used to sit and MN that should have said.