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Original poster

Was I over reacting feeling uncomfortable with this

175 replies

Yamaya · 12/09/2021 09:00

My DD is 5 and went to another childs birthday party recently. Not a child we know well, a classmate, whose mum I was meeting for the first time.
It was all in the garden with a bouncy castle. Another guest, a little girl, had her mum and dad at the party and straight away I got creepy vibes from the man but couldn't put my finger on it, brushed it to one side.
When all the little girls sat in a circle for pass the parcel he pretended to fall into the circle and rolled all over them, which they (mostly all of them) found funny but I was thinking get up you prat!
Then towards the end of the party he got on the bouncy castle and started playing chasing and tickling games with my daughter and another child. This is when I started to feel really uncomfortable with the situation. My DD loves when adults play silly so was loving it but I just felt it wasn't appropriate for a grown man to be playing like this with children you only just met and aren't related to?
I called my DD away to have cake but she went straight back to him to keep playing. Then he started "falling over" again and my DD and another child would tickle him. One time my DD laid on him tickling him and he made no attempt to get up or stop it which seemed totally inappropriate and I called my DD that it was time for us to leave which she did quickly. Whilst saying goodbye to the host I looked over again and he was off the bouncy castle and sat down again, glaring at me with maybe a smirk? Or could have just been his horrible face!
DD had no problem with any of this but didn't seem right to me. But I am overly anxious and listen to a lot of true crime etc.
No other parents at the party seemed concerned or even seemed to notice!

What do you think, was I over reacting?
I would rather over react than under react in these situations tbh.

OP posts:
RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 12/09/2021 09:01

I don't know whether it's right or wrong but if you have a gut feeling I believe you should always listen to it.

Anothermothernamegame · 12/09/2021 09:02

I would feel exactly the same, no grown man (no matter how innocent) should be acting like that with children he doesn't know.

icelollycraving · 12/09/2021 09:03

Creepy. If it wasn’t a bit creepy, at least you protected your dd.

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RainforestLizard · 12/09/2021 09:04

Definitely NOT overreacting. It may have been innocent on his part, but it made your spidey senses tingle, and for that reason you protected your daughter.

Original poster
Yamaya · 12/09/2021 09:05

I just thought if we had a party and my DP started acting like that with children we were only just meeting I'd have pulled him to one side and asked what the hell was he doing

OP posts:
SaturdaySpread · 12/09/2021 09:07

I don't know, one part of me thinks WTF of course you don't behave like that with children you don't know.

The other part thinks what a shame that we think like that about a man making children happy and really adding something to the party.

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2021 09:07

I never really understand the mantra trust your gut when it’s someone who openly states they are overly anxious and feed that by watching lots of true crime

No one else was bothered it seems so he was just playing with the kids. However if you’re uncomfortable then don’t take your daughter again if he will be there.

BillyJoe111 · 12/09/2021 09:08

Would you act that way with a child?

I’m guessing no, because it’s a wildly inappropriate way to act no reasonable adult would dream of doing that.

I would not have been okay with it and I would have told him loudly to stop (but that’s just me, I recognise that it’s not that easy for everyone).

SaturdaySpread · 12/09/2021 09:08

I actually think all this trust your gut business can be a bit risky. The most accomplished abusers are thoroughly charming and wouldn't trouble your gut.

Original poster
Yamaya · 12/09/2021 09:09

Yeah it's a shame we think like that, but there's a REASON why we think like that.
DD was there to play with other children not him.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 12/09/2021 09:09

Report to school safeguarding lead. Totally inappropriate.

Hdhdjejdj · 12/09/2021 09:10

I think you are right to feel uncomfortable.

BillyJoe111 · 12/09/2021 09:10

@Yamaya

I just thought if we had a party and my DP started acting like that with children we were only just meeting I'd have pulled him to one side and asked what the hell was he doing
That was what I was thinking of when I relied. Neither my husband or my father would do that as they would know it was inappropriate.
Anothermothernamegame · 12/09/2021 09:10

@Bluntness100

I never really understand the mantra trust your gut when it’s someone who openly states they are overly anxious and feed that by watching lots of true crime

No one else was bothered it seems so he was just playing with the kids. However if you’re uncomfortable then don’t take your daughter again if he will be there.

Would you be okay with a complete male stranger tickling your DD?!
UnbeatenMum · 12/09/2021 09:11

I would also be really uncomfortable with this. I've seen my daughter climb on top of a holiday club worker on a bouncy castle before and he gently removed her. Also saw a Dad in a park once where a little girl asked him to lift her onto some play equipment and he said "Sorry, I can't because I don't know you". Boundaries are really important.

Pikamoo · 12/09/2021 09:16

I'd have been weirded out by that. If it was someone I knew then it'd be different but someone I'd never met, no way. I'd have reacted the same as you. I think there's a lot that you pick up on in the situation that won't come across in your post that will have tipped you over to not feeling comfortable as well. So yes, it could have just been innocent fun (probably was) but everything together made you uncomfortable.

mrswenthworth · 12/09/2021 09:20

My dh is a bit of a child magnet in that he has an ability to play at exactly the level young kids like and it tends to be physical/rough house play (holding them by ankles sort of stuff). They crawl all over him given half a chance.

He would never tickle unless it was a niece or nephew with parents present. He would only engage in this stuff if parents had given him the nod and it would only be with kids known to him. He used to get asked a lot to help on play equipment because he is tall and would only do so if parents asked.

He knew boundaries like a pp says. I would find tickling an unknown child very uncomfortable and would have removed.

GroggyLegs · 12/09/2021 09:21

@SaturdaySpread

I don't know, one part of me thinks WTF of course you don't behave like that with children you don't know.

The other part thinks what a shame that we think like that about a man making children happy and really adding something to the party.

Yes same.

People know not to go round touching others kids - there are a couple of girls I know through DS school who have spontaneously hugged me a few times during playdates and I'm very awkward & uncomfortable.
But at the same time it's a shame I can't just enjoy & return their genuine affection as I would with my own DC.

From what I read, you didn't actually do anything, so you didn't overreact. But the bit about a glaring smirk does sound unlikely in front of all the other kids & parents - that's maybe where you've read something into nothing, unless if course you were glaring & staring at him as he rolled about?

Original poster
Yamaya · 12/09/2021 09:24

The tickling was the warm up, the bit that really made me feel like it was time to leave was when DD laid on top of him. Basically straddling him and he made no attempt to move. It was about a minute or two, while I watched thinking surely he is going to get up now but I knew I had to do something. Who does that?!

OP posts:
AliMonkey · 12/09/2021 09:25

I generally have no problem with another parent playing with my child alongside their own child. Quick tickle wouldn’t bother me. Bouncy castle would bother me due to irresponsibility of an adult bouncing next to small child but certainly don’t see anything wrong generally with joining in their play. But allowing your DD to lie on top of him, given he’s not someone she knows well, would cross the line. And I’m not saying it would automatically not be creepy if known well but generally if it was something I’d be ok with their dad doing then I’d also be ok if it was someone else they were fairly close to.

Original poster
Yamaya · 12/09/2021 09:26

Yes, I absolutely was staring at him! Haha, maybe that was why he glared at me. That and I was making his favourite play mate leave.

OP posts:
Boobieboobieboobie · 12/09/2021 09:27

Listen to your gut.

Original poster
Yamaya · 12/09/2021 09:28

He also wasn't playing with his own child like this or the birthday girl. Just the guests. Mostly my daughter and one or two others that changed but my daughter loves that kind of thing and played with him the whole time.

OP posts:
Antinerak · 12/09/2021 09:57

I would never act like that with children I don't know- or even children I know! Most adults wouldn't because it's weird, the kids play amongst themselves and some kids don't like chasing/tickling and would get upset. If the kids approached him to play with them or if he was chatting with you and spoke to your DD before playing, it would seem more normal but not as it was. Trust your gut, and teach her about boundaries she can implement herself.

Pikamoo · 12/09/2021 09:59

That makes it even weirder that his DD wasn't involved!