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Original poster

Was I over reacting feeling uncomfortable with this

175 replies

Yamaya · 12/09/2021 09:00

My DD is 5 and went to another childs birthday party recently. Not a child we know well, a classmate, whose mum I was meeting for the first time.
It was all in the garden with a bouncy castle. Another guest, a little girl, had her mum and dad at the party and straight away I got creepy vibes from the man but couldn't put my finger on it, brushed it to one side.
When all the little girls sat in a circle for pass the parcel he pretended to fall into the circle and rolled all over them, which they (mostly all of them) found funny but I was thinking get up you prat!
Then towards the end of the party he got on the bouncy castle and started playing chasing and tickling games with my daughter and another child. This is when I started to feel really uncomfortable with the situation. My DD loves when adults play silly so was loving it but I just felt it wasn't appropriate for a grown man to be playing like this with children you only just met and aren't related to?
I called my DD away to have cake but she went straight back to him to keep playing. Then he started "falling over" again and my DD and another child would tickle him. One time my DD laid on him tickling him and he made no attempt to get up or stop it which seemed totally inappropriate and I called my DD that it was time for us to leave which she did quickly. Whilst saying goodbye to the host I looked over again and he was off the bouncy castle and sat down again, glaring at me with maybe a smirk? Or could have just been his horrible face!
DD had no problem with any of this but didn't seem right to me. But I am overly anxious and listen to a lot of true crime etc.
No other parents at the party seemed concerned or even seemed to notice!

What do you think, was I over reacting?
I would rather over react than under react in these situations tbh.

OP posts:
opalescent · 12/09/2021 10:05

I wouldn't want a man I didn't know touching my 4 yo dd full stop. Let alone tickling and pretend falling on her. It sounds weird and I would have intervened early.
I don't think that's an overreaction, and I think it's tone deaf of him not to recognise that some parents won't like it.

opalescent · 12/09/2021 10:05

@Yamaya

The tickling was the warm up, the bit that really made me feel like it was time to leave was when DD laid on top of him. Basically straddling him and he made no attempt to move. It was about a minute or two, while I watched thinking surely he is going to get up now but I knew I had to do something. Who does that?!
This shouldn't have happened.
opalescent · 12/09/2021 10:07

I'm struggling to imagine a situation where my dd would 'straddle' a man for more than 5 seconds before I went over and picked her up, in a way that made it crystal clear that I didn't appreciate it

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BriocheForBreakfast · 12/09/2021 10:08

Creepy and inappropriate behaviour.

lollipoprainbow · 12/09/2021 10:11

So you re implying he's a paedophile then said he had a horrible face !! Poor sod wonder he glared at you.

BillyJoe111 · 12/09/2021 10:14

@opalescent

I'm struggling to imagine a situation where my dd would 'straddle' a man for more than 5 seconds before I went over and picked her up, in a way that made it crystal clear that I didn't appreciate it
My children have always been told/shown from an early age that no one should play with them in that way - I mean they have all loved me and dh blowing raspberries on them etc, but they have had it instilled that no other person should be close to them in that way.

My dd has thoroughly offended dh extended family before by say “stop! I don’t want you to do that” when they have tried to kiss her etc - you know in the way some people really push it will that children and try to make them hug or kiss?

We’ve always told them that no one can do that and you need to be clear you don’t like it and we will always back you up (and we would always step in too and say she doesn’t like that, don’t do it again).

I know she wouldn’t have let the adult in question roll around with her. She would have known that was wrong behaviour. And I would have told him to stop immediately with dd or the other children.

TheVolturi · 12/09/2021 10:17

I'd rather offend a stranger than risk my child being too close to someone I had a bad feeling about.

Original poster
Yamaya · 12/09/2021 10:24

Yeah, I need to talk to my daughter more about why we don't play like that with adults she doesn't know. It wasn't about her saying no to an adult she felt uncomfortable with though - because she was absolutely loving it and thinking this is the best fun ever.

OP posts:
Hdhdjejdj · 12/09/2021 10:32

There is no good reason why an adult male should be rolling around with 5 year old girls he doesn’t know and have one straddling him .
Paedophiles love to operate in plain sight.

BlusteryLake · 12/09/2021 10:38

Hmmm, I think I would definitely sound a mental note of caution at this. I actually find men who have to make themselves the centre of attention deeply unappealing anyway (the falling into the circle thing) but that aside, I think I would avoid letting your DD play at his house for a while.

MintyGreenDream · 12/09/2021 10:40

Hes a grown man and should know that that type of behaviour is not the norm.I work in a school and get kids hugging me etc and just have to stand there as we're not supposed to hug back.

VashtaNerada · 12/09/2021 10:43

Don’t want to give details but the one time I had a gut instinct like that about the way a man was playing with DD, my instinct turned out to be right.

nimbuscloud · 12/09/2021 10:46

Why did you not speak up abs tell him to stop?

Newchances · 12/09/2021 10:47

I wouldn't act this way,but when I was at my nephews party (which had a lot of girls too) they kept asking 2 men to "chase them" around the bouncy castle/Into etc. It did appear innocent the men would at times for example grab an ankle but just for a second in a "caught you" then let go. The kids loved it but then again the men weren't tickling them and certainly weren't being straddled

Rugsofhonour · 12/09/2021 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

GoWalkabout · 12/09/2021 10:52

Your instincts are right.

Original poster
Yamaya · 12/09/2021 10:56

It was hard to know when to speak up because he wasn't actually doing anything overtly "bad". I didn't know anyone at this party and everyone else seemed fine with it. But I was watching him like a hawk and I did call my DD away once and then I got her to leave.
I didn't feel like I could go over and basically call him a peado when he hadn't actually done anything if you know what I mean. But I did stop it and nothing happened, so I don't want to be guilt tripped about it.
Being an anxious person and always being told that I am over reacting does make you doubt your instincts and probably caused the delay in my reaction. I was thinking he will get up at any second and when he didn't I intervened. But I will take note and not wait to say something next time.
It's very unlikely we ever see him again because he was just a guest at the party, not my DDs friends dad.

OP posts:
Hdhdjejdj · 12/09/2021 11:00

I can’t believe someone has asked why you didn’t speak up. These people try to work within the parameters of what is socially acceptable, so do bad things which could also be brushed off as harmless. They make people question their own judgement. They are very clever.

Original poster
Yamaya · 12/09/2021 11:01

@Hdhdjejdj

I can’t believe someone has asked why you didn’t speak up. These people try to work within the parameters of what is socially acceptable, so do bad things which could also be brushed off as harmless. They make people question their own judgement. They are very clever.
Thank you. This is exactly how it felt.
OP posts:
Marni83 · 12/09/2021 11:02

* One time my DD laid on him tickling him and he made no attempt to get up *

Overreacted?

Op you overwhelmingly under reacted

Marni83 · 12/09/2021 11:03

@Hdhdjejdj

I can’t believe someone has asked why you didn’t speak up. These people try to work within the parameters of what is socially acceptable, so do bad things which could also be brushed off as harmless. They make people question their own judgement. They are very clever.
But the op was very uncomfortable from the outset and throughout and knew it was inappropriate

She didn’t doubt that

SaturdaySpread · 12/09/2021 11:03

I wonder how much your gut was influenced by

Or could have just been his horrible face! ?

This is why gut is dangerous. If he was a good looking man who'd spent a bit of time flattering chatting to you first, before chasing DD, you'd feel differently. And that's no criticism of you OP, that's how the human psyche works.

CatherinedeBourgh · 12/09/2021 11:04

I think it’s really sad that we think like this.

I was brought up in a country where what you describe is completely normal, and while abuse does happen it is rarely those men who perpetrate it.

I guess in a country where it’s not normal it’s more of a red flag, so not saying you are wrong, but it’s sad that it’s come to this.

Marni83 · 12/09/2021 11:04

* I didn't feel like I could go over and basically call him a peado when he hadn't actually done anything if you know what I mean*

Bloody hell. Do you think that was the only option available to you op?

Marni83 · 12/09/2021 11:06

Op you didn’t actually do Anything
Let alone over react