Tell me honestly, is my son really annoying?

[letsleepingbabieslie]

DS(9) loves talking to adults. He'll tell people his thoughts about stuff, what he's been doing, a book he's reading, his favourite food, ... whatever. I find it precocious and embarassing when he does it with strangers, and really annoying when I want to catch up with a friend and he's chattering away to them. I imagine they must be as bored as I am and am constantly mouthing 'sorry!'.
Be honest, is this as annoying to other people as I think it is, or am I over-reacting?

Op, your son sounds smashing and I’d enjoy his company. In fact I have a grandchild like him and I think he’s smashing as well. I learn so blooming much from him 😊

There is a time however when no matter how interesting/funny or just plain blooming fabulous they’re being that they gently need redirected to something else in order to let others have a chance at a conversation.

Pls don’t stifle him in order to make some changes. It really is just all about finding ways to redirect him nicely.

@LukeEvansWife

There are some remarkably unpleasant replies on this thread, though, which do add credibility to that recent thread about the UK not being a child-friendly society.

Not really - it’s more that people don’t want some random person talking at them - whether that person is a child or an adult. And just mouthing sorry at them doesn’t help.

If your child does this, it’s for you to read the cues and remove them if necessary . If you apologise, most people will feel compelled to say ‘that’s okay’ whether or not it is!

But that’s not what the replies I’m referring to are saying , which are saying ‘other people’s children are boring’, ‘precocious children are annoying’, ‘chatty children make me want to scream’ etc.

If OP thinks that her ds might be annoying, then it is very likely he is annoying.

Used to know someone with very demanding/ needy children, a very anxious little girl who would plonk herself down next to me on the sofa with an armful of projects (she knitted beautifully bless her) , stories she had written , sketchbooks etc while her mother gazed at her but said nothing. The other child wouldn’t take space but would shout across the room “it’s my turn to speak now mummy, isn’t it mummy, it’s my turn to speak isn’t it mummy.” They were hard work, serves me right for speaking to them on holiday, it was clear on the flight out that they were difficult.

Wait until he is a teenager, you won't be able to drag a single word out of him!

When we were younger, we were expected to greet adult guests politely and then run off and play. There was an understanding that cake/biscuits would be offered at some point and we could come down and chat to the adults then. Otherwise, it was very much "run off and play".

When taken out to restaurants to meet friends, my parents would often sit us on a separate "children's table" as soon as we were old enough to behave properly. We'd chat together, read or play games. But there were three siblings which made a difference...I won't be doing that to my only child anytime soon as that would just be mean!

I have two friends who have children who do this. Both smile indulgently and say something like ‘they’re so confident!’ with a beaming smile. It’s infuriating! I like listening to them for a few minutes but when I ask the child a question, the child looks confused as they aren’t after conversation just someone to listen to their every thought.

I’d explain it to him as appropriateness. You wouldn’t sit with him and his friend and chat about a boring (to them) topic and expect them just to listen. He needs to learn it’s not all about him, that you deserve time to talk.

Please do not allow your child to be this self-centred. It’s not endearing past 3 or 4. He’s 9! You’re doing him no favours!

I enjoy conversations with bright children when its one to one. But when I get together with an adult who brings their child to sit down and have coffee with us and the child takes over the conversation - absolutely not.

Well I think it’s lovely that he is full of confidence and I’m personally happy to listen to children like this for a short period but they do need to learn boundaries. I would set him a time limit. Tell him he has 15 minutes (or what ever time you feel is appropriate) to have a chat with your friends then he has to go and play not interrupt again. You need to spell out the consequences ie. he loses certain privileges and enforce them. I did this with my LO quite early and he accepted is as the norm.

OP, assuming he has no special needs if you don't teach him that his behaviour isn't really acceptable he will grow up into one of those entitled males who think that whatever they have to say is so important that everyone must be subjected to it - whether they like it or not!

@DesdemonaDryEyes

Bloody annoying.

Other people’s children rarely have anything to say that might interest me.

This... sorry

incredibly annoying

Jasmine11 I don't think him being male is an issue. The most obnoxious 'me, me, me, listen to ME' children have all been girls, who have turned into dislikable adults.

I had one like that. The issue I had is that often she would be very hurt if I suggested she went off and played with the other children (she'd say "they're my friends too") and she then didn't make the children friendships. It was very difficult to manage as socially she wasn't confident, but she wasn't helping herself by this.

She would have been about 9yo when I sat her down after one such time and discussed a few social rules.

What had happened was I had a friend and I was telling a short story about something that had happened a couple of weeks ago that I knew my friend would find interesting. In the way that you do, I shortened it a bit to keep it brief. DD interrupted with "but mummy it didn't happen like that. It was two weeks ago last Thursday, not Wednesday and it wasn't raining when we got up and it was A who said to B then C got involved... or was it D..."
She was correct. That was precisely how it happened. BUT it was totally irrelevant to the story and it changed the story so much the point was lost.

So I explained how she would feel uncomfortable when she was with her friends if I sat in with them and wanted to talk to them all the time.

We also did an exercise when I got her to reduce a story down to as few words as possible keeping the meaning. It helped her see that it didn't matter if it happened on Thursday or Wednesday or any other day! That meant when she came to talk she didn't go into one of those children's long rambly stories that never seems to come to a conclusion!

We also agreed that she could stay and say hello, and stay for a little while, but then had to go off. We agreed that she was better to go and join in with the other children at the beginning, but she could come back to me for a quick break.

We also discussed about taking a break from the other children. Rather than walking off and just leaving them, saying she needed a drink or wanted to ask me something made it easier for her to go back. Then when she came to me rather than settling down and joining in a conversation she would offer to make another drink or fetch biscuits, which gave her a job then she felt important.

It did work, and she grew into her character as she grew older. She now knows there are times I want to catch up with my friends, and there's times she is welcome to join us.

If I'm out in public without my kids and a random child talks to me, it really grates. I'm usually talked out by my own kids and cba with someone else's.

Meeting up with friends and our kids, we usually send them off to play after a few minutes. We wouldn't tolerate constant chatter when they had play mates to chat to.

If I'm with a friend without my kids and they have theirs, I will chat to them and engage with them for a while then expect them to be off playing (or given an ipad and a snack) so we can chat.

I’ve got one who cpuld be a bit like this. I started to say kindly but firmly ‘you have delighted us for long enough. Off you go’ and they would get the hint. He is a teenager now and has grown out of it.

Well I think it’s lovely that he is full of confidence
Well, yes, in a way.

Confidence is brilliant, but it doesn't have to manifest itself like this. Plenty of very outgoing kids with bags of confidence know not to try to be centre stage at all times.

It's not an either/or; timid little mouse or child who demands 100% of everyone's attention, even strangers.
There's a happy medium.

I'm sure it's great for him and his development but yes, sorry that is my idea of hell. My friends have lovely kids and I mostly adore them because they're quiet and would prefer to sit quietly and play by themselves than bore adults. I'm sure your son is lovely to chat to but not for longer than a minute or two.

What is desperately annoying is when you are chatting and a child comes over whining and the flow of conversation stops and turns to the child.

I met a precocious 9 yr old recently, he was a sweet boy, but full of his own importance.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Well I think it’s lovely that he is full of confidence Well, yes, in a way. Confidence is brilliant, but it doesn't have to manifest itself like this. Plenty of very outgoing kids with bags of confidence know not to try to be centre stage at all times. It's not an either/or; timid little mouse or child who demands 100% of everyone's attention, even strangers. There's a happy medium.

I would agree, don’t think it’s about confidence it’s about unawareness! I know some confident children who understand social rules. I think parents can misconstrue it and sell it to themselves as confidence. It’s a shame because children like that might struggle with their peers who won’t want to listen them go on!

Mm torn. Usually I don't see the appeal of other people's dc tbh. But recently on holiday a boy about 10 started up chat about our ddogs. And his pets etc. He was quite an outstanding boy imo!! Came across instantly how nice, kind and genuine he was... If his dm is on here he was delightful!!

Honestly.. if I was sat minding my own business and some random child I didn’t know came over and started jabbering on and all their mum/dad was doing to stop them was mouth “sorry” I’d be really pissed off..

Have you ever thought that he may have ASD (what was Aspergers)? It's unusual for neurotypical children to act like is; in my experience precocious children who tend to act like "little adults" are usually on the spectrum.

He might struggle a bit socially at secondary school if he doesn’t learn to read social cues OP. Older kids can be quite blunt when they find another child garrulous and annoying. I think that you should nip this in the bud. I know it’s tough though.

I know it's unpopular on Mumsnet, but you can ask /tell a child to be quiet please 🤫
Future teachers, friends and partners would thank you, for the want of it is very obvious in some adults.