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Original poster

Tell me honestly, is my son really annoying?

321 replies

letsleepingbabieslie · 06/09/2021 18:15

DS(9) loves talking to adults. He'll tell people his thoughts about stuff, what he's been doing, a book he's reading, his favourite food, ... whatever. I find it precocious and embarassing when he does it with strangers, and really annoying when I want to catch up with a friend and he's chattering away to them. I imagine they must be as bored as I am and am constantly mouthing 'sorry!'.
Be honest, is this as annoying to other people as I think it is, or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
Siennabear · 06/09/2021 19:04

Sorry to say, yes it is very irritating. I have friends who I love spending time with, and their children are also lovely but I’d rather be talking to my friends than them keep interrupting to play schools or tell me about something. As much as I like them a little conversation is fine but don’t keep talking, I’m not really interested! Even my own children talk too much at times, it’s not personal.

Summerfun54321 · 06/09/2021 19:05

Yes other people’s children can be annoying. But they are children and I would tolerate lots of chat and engage with them if they were there. If I wanted adult only conversation, I’d arrange evening drinks. I’d definitely avoid mouthing “sorry” behind my child’s back or mouthing anything behind anyone’s back, that’s really rude.

whatthejiggeries · 06/09/2021 19:06

Yes that's annoying. My friend has a kid that when we are trying to have an adult conversation comes and sits with us. It really annoys me. I tell my children to go away

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Zezet · 06/09/2021 19:07

I would not find it annoying, but I would see it as a lack of social skills. And given that he hasn't picked up on environment clues that this is not an effective way of connecting with people, I don't think you're going to get the message across by babling over him to show him what it's like. I think he needs more explicit guidance on how conversations work, what clues of (non-)interest to look out for, ask more questions that give answers yourself, etc.

MMMarmite · 06/09/2021 19:08

I would happily chat for a bit. Particularly if it is a two way conversation, rather than a long spiel where I may as well be a cardboard cut out. I like to get to know my friends' kids a bit rather than just ignore them.

But I would want him / you to listen to my cues when it was time for the conversation to end! And I'd want to speak to you too :)

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 06/09/2021 19:09

My son is like this.

If I'm seeing a friend he is very firmly redirected with "no, mummy is talking to her friend now, go and entertain yourself."

He usually has to be told more than once though!

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 06/09/2021 19:09

Totally annoying, sorry 😂
I get equally irritated with random adults chatting to me too though, it’s not because he’s a child. I would get annoyed with any person interrupting a catch up with my friend too.
You don’t want to dent his confidence I guess or make him feel that he isn’t interesting to talk to. But he does need to learn social skills, not monopolising someone or interrupting (their conversation or their quiet time)

PileOfBooks · 06/09/2021 19:10

Can you gently prewarn him. "Mummy's got a friend coming and we'd like a chance to chat.... just like you di with x friend...." work out with him what he can plan to do instead etc.

Praise him after and say it was great you got to chat etc...

Set him up to do better.

LemonDrizzles · 06/09/2021 19:11

Depends. Is he also asking what is happening in other people's lives or what people think about whatever is going on in his?

Notmoresugar · 06/09/2021 19:12

YADBU

He sounds very bright and you are lucky.

It's absolutely wonderful that he has so much to say and has an opinion on things.

I would definitely encourage it but tell him (very kindly) after a few minutes to go and play so you can catch up properly with your friends. Otherwise it could start to grate on them.

So many kids grunt these days and can hardly string a proper sentence together, let alone read a book.

RobynNora · 06/09/2021 19:13

Aw! He sounds sweet. I’d probably find it fun for about 15 minutes and would then appreciate mummy coming along to give me a break. Good to teach them about listening as well as speaking, turn taking etc as a good life skill.

KidneyBeans · 06/09/2021 19:14

Why are you apologising for your mansplaining/monologuing child rather than parenting him.

Yes it's incredibly dull to listen to anyone talk at you. It's even more dull when it's a 9 year old boy with no similar interests

I doubt your friends find his interruptions and monopolising endearing or entertaining

Doomscrolling · 06/09/2021 19:14

The first 10 minutes of chatter from a child I know is great. I love chatty children as opposed to mute unsociable ones.

After that? “Thanks for the chat, sweetheart, but it’s time for your mum and I to have our time together now. I’ll pop in and see you before I go. Bye, love!”

Children tolerated by parents to dominate conversation between adult friends are extremely annoying. The odd one off is ok, but as sustained behaviour it’s a right pain in the arse.

My three adored my best friend and each of them was desperate to tell her all their news. It was basically a three pronged verbal assault, so we started meeting up elsewhere more regularly, leaving the kids with DH. She understood that it was because they all loved her so much, but so much enthusiastic talk from three kids was a bit overwhelming for someone child free to experience.

As they got older it got better.

Nsmum14 · 06/09/2021 19:14

I prefer kids to adults a lot of the time so quite enjoy chatty kids. They can certainly be more interesting to listen to than many adults.

Kuachui · 06/09/2021 19:14

Oh god I can't help but want to scream when kids do this to me

YouJustDoYou · 06/09/2021 19:15

My dd (6) does this), I tell her that that's very nice, but right now We're having an adult conversation and she can tell.me about it later, and theb redirect her away from the (poor suffering) adult. I have autism.and used to do this a lot before learning to mask in my.late teens, a d had no one to tell.me it wasn't really socially appropriate.

Zilla1 · 06/09/2021 19:17

It sounds like you're in the right ballpark, OP. I'd list for a while then you tell him to play with his friends. IME, it's not great for a child to always prefer adult company to that of other children so it sounds like your approach is right, just needs persistence.

Good luck.

ElephantOfRisk · 06/09/2021 19:18

I'm fine with a couple of minutes of it but after that i'd expect parent to intervene.

Doubledenimrock · 06/09/2021 19:18

I'd be ok with it, if it's a monologue I might wonder if he is on the autistic spectrum

HonoreDeBallsache · 06/09/2021 19:20

OP, is he an only child?

On the whole, this makes a difference in my 20+ years of having children. Only children who have to gatecrash every single adult conversation are an absolutely PITA and I would be willing to lose a friendship over their insufferable child. 5 minutes is fine, but after that, they should push off.

On the other hand, I have also known children who aren't onlies but who are engaging and amusing and very good fun to talk to. The thing is, they usually know when to stop, not least as a sibling tells them to shut up.

Winemewhynot · 06/09/2021 19:23

What’s the context when he’s speaking to strangers?

If he’s ambushing people in restaurants, public transport etc YABVVVU not to stop him! It would be my idea of hell after two minutes!

SeriouslyISuppose · 06/09/2021 19:25

@JassyRadlett

Learning how to talk to adults is an important social skill but you need to give him guidance on what and when is appropriate.

My own view is that by that age, if with a group of adults it’s fine for a child to participate in the conversation- it is just as rude for the adults present to expect a child to sit/stand there in silence and exclude them from the conversation as it is for the child to dominate it.

But the child shouldn’t be allowed to dominate it and should be steered around social cues - ‘That’s great John, but Heather was actually talking about her interests - I’m sure she’ll love to hear your views on the transfer window but first I want to hear how her trip to the Galapagos went.’

Kids should also be able to be shooed off when appropriate too and respond happily. Mine react quite well to ‘off you go now! The grown ups want to talk grown up stuff.

I think that’s fair.

There are some remarkably unpleasant replies on this thread, though, which do add credibility to that recent thread about the UK not being a child-friendly society.

It may also explain the significant numbers of eighteen year old who attend open days and when I ask them a question, they just look dumbstruck and stare pleadingly at their parents, because A Grown Up is Talking To Them.

PatchworkElmer · 06/09/2021 19:26

My friend’s step son was like this, and they made it ‘worse’ by asking if he could come to group (adult only) meals etc. It does change the nature of the conversation which can be annoying. I’d always talk politely to a child though.

LukeEvansWife · 06/09/2021 19:29

There are some remarkably unpleasant replies on this thread, though, which do add credibility to that recent thread about the UK not being a child-friendly society.

Not really - it’s more that people don’t want some random person talking at them - whether that person is a child or an adult. And just mouthing sorry at them doesn’t help.

If your child does this, it’s for you to read the cues and remove them if necessary . If you apologise, most people will feel compelled to say ‘that’s okay’ whether or not it is!

NigellasCookalong · 06/09/2021 19:34

Yes sorry! Other people’s children just aren’t interesting!