Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Tell me honestly, is my son really annoying?

321 replies

letsleepingbabieslie · 06/09/2021 18:15

DS(9) loves talking to adults. He'll tell people his thoughts about stuff, what he's been doing, a book he's reading, his favourite food, ... whatever. I find it precocious and embarassing when he does it with strangers, and really annoying when I want to catch up with a friend and he's chattering away to them. I imagine they must be as bored as I am and am constantly mouthing 'sorry!'.
Be honest, is this as annoying to other people as I think it is, or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
Stircraazy · 06/09/2021 18:26

Children’s opinions are, to me, quite interesting (depending on the child). They often bring a naive and unbiased view to things.

I also think it is really important that they feel their opinions are valued.

I agree. But is he having a conversation or is he talking ceaselessly at the other person. Perhaps point out the difference to him.

TooWicked · 06/09/2021 18:26

Why aren’t you stopping him rather than just mouthing “sorry”?

Ellarain · 06/09/2021 18:26

Yes it's annoying. I stopped visiting one of my friends because her 10 year old daughter was like your son. We never got time together to catch up as she was always there giving her opinion and filling in bits of stories that my friend was talking to me about.It really pissed me of. My friend let her sit with us and didn't see anything wrong with it. When my friends visit, it's adult time and they would not be allowed sit with us. Obviously they are allowed pop in, get food etc but definitely not be permitted to sit with us.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
piscis · 06/09/2021 18:27

It depends on how long he talks for and he talks about himself all the time or if he asks questions to your friends.
My DD(4) likes to talk to adults too and I find it quite sweet that she doesn't only like to talk to kids but (I think) she is not too much! Smile

LukeEvansWife · 06/09/2021 18:27

I hate engaging with strangers and I don’t know how to speak to children, so it would massively bother me. I have ASD though.

Only you know whether your friends mind but I would try to discourage him from bothering randomers as you never know what they have going on in their lives.

Original poster
letsleepingbabieslie · 06/09/2021 18:27

alleycat - I tell him 'Mummys are talking now, go and play with [other kids]' which usually works for a short time but then he comes back and wants to join in the conversation again. I don't want to tell him 'shut up nobody is interested!' but can't figure out how to let him know this gently.
justmuddling yep, that's what I thought. Aggh.

OP posts:
lljkk · 06/09/2021 18:27

it's nice that you have a lad who likes to communicate. that's all I'm going to say. Don't shut down communication from your kids if you can avoid it.

JassyRadlett · 06/09/2021 18:27

Learning how to talk to adults is an important social skill but you need to give him guidance on what and when is appropriate.

My own view is that by that age, if with a group of adults it’s fine for a child to participate in the conversation- it is just as rude for the adults present to expect a child to sit/stand there in silence and exclude them from the conversation as it is for the child to dominate it.

But the child shouldn’t be allowed to dominate it and should be steered around social cues - ‘That’s great John, but Heather was actually talking about her interests - I’m sure she’ll love to hear your views on the transfer window but first I want to hear how her trip to the Galapagos went.’

Kids should also be able to be shooed off when appropriate too and respond happily. Mine react quite well to ‘off you go now! The grown ups want to talk grown up stuff.

LolaLouLou · 06/09/2021 18:27

I think it is great that your son has so many interests and the confidence to share them with adults. But, agree with other posters it is your job to give him boundaries.

I say to my DS, "you saw your friend in xxx, now it is my turn to chat to my friend". Or you can distract him with a task or job

Joystir59 · 06/09/2021 18:29

You need to tell him to stop interrupting and entertain himself with a book or similar

flumpo · 06/09/2021 18:30

I've had great, interesting chats with kids. And dull ones too. What he, and I guess you, need to learn is whether or not someone is enjoying your child.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 06/09/2021 18:31

It's ok for a few minutes but after that annoying

Carboncheque · 06/09/2021 18:31

’is he having a conversation or is he talking ceaselessly at the other person. Perhaps point out the difference to him’

This ^

balernobetty · 06/09/2021 18:32

I think the point here is you find it annoying.
A lot of parents are oblivious to their DC's bad manners so the fact you've actually picked up on it probably means your friends find it annoying too

Ionlydomassiveones · 06/09/2021 18:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Thethreecs · 06/09/2021 18:34

It is annoying, sorry. One of mine was a chatter box, he liked talking about army stuff. I was Immune to it but aware other people wouldn't appreciate his great knowledge 😂 I spoke to him a few times before we left the house about keeping chat short but his friends would love to hear about the army. He's nearly 20 now and I have to drag conversation out of him.

ThePoint678 · 06/09/2021 18:40

Annoying. Just as children need to learn when to talk, they also need to learn when not to talk.

I have a friend who indulges her daughter by allowing her to completely dominate all visits or gatherings (not with talking to the visitor but by constantly interrupting to ensure she has her mother’s undivided attention) and it makes all visits or gatherings pointless. My friend will never even try to tell her daughter what’s appropriate and does the sympathetic sorry to me too. I only see her alone now.

alexdgr8 · 06/09/2021 18:43

i think you should discourage him from over-sharing, esp with strangers.
stranger danger. we were always told, never speak to strangers.
people with downs syndrome often seem to do this; be very over-friendly, and telling you everything about themselves, when you've just met. but of course people make allowances.
if you son does not have special needs, then fairly soon people are going to show their annoyance, or just stop visiting you.
how does he get on with children.
you need to try to teach him acceptable social behaviour, otherwise he will be at a disadvantage.

PileOfBooks · 06/09/2021 18:44

Absolutely annoying. And yes definitely if he comes back and joins in again!!!

You meed to be on this. Rather than a weak "well what can I do...." shrug.

I would avoid visiiting so often.

PileOfBooks · 06/09/2021 18:45

Agree completely with @ThePoint678

Bogofftosomewherehot · 06/09/2021 18:45

I have a friend who's DD (11) insists on joining us all the time and it's irritating. She thinks that everyone wants to hear her wisdom and mum finds it quaint. I can take it for about 30 mins and then find myself gritting my teeth. It's been that way for a few years and I now don't want to visit the house.
I don't understand why you think it's Ok to just mouth "sorry" instead of saying "Ok - we need to do some adult talk now".

rhubarb84 · 06/09/2021 18:46

My son (nearly 8) can be like this too, we're navigating the same thing! We've talked to him about how a conversation is back and forth like tennis... not mowing someone down with words like bullets ... We try to be really firm at home that he talks with us, not AT us. Also now he's older we tell him not to open up conversation with other random adults in the playground etc.

Jasmine11 · 06/09/2021 18:47

I have a friend with a daughter who acts like your son, it's actually very annoying, however she does have ASD so no one ever lets her know it is, although I have seen random strangers she talks at back away looking very confused/uncomfortable.

Grimbelina · 06/09/2021 18:47

*Learning how to talk to adults is an important social skill but you need to give him guidance on what and when is appropriate.

My own view is that by that age, if with a group of adults it’s fine for a child to participate in the conversation- it is just as rude for the adults present to expect a child to sit/stand there in silence and exclude them from the conversation as it is for the child to dominate it.

But the child shouldn’t be allowed to dominate it and should be steered around social cues - ‘That’s great John, but Heather was actually talking about her interests - I’m sure she’ll love to hear your views on the transfer window but first I want to hear how her trip to the Galapagos went.’

Kids should also be able to be shooed off when appropriate too and respond happily. Mine react quite well to ‘off you go now! The grown ups want to talk grown up stuff.*

All of this. Such good advice. You are doing your DC a disservice if you leave things to the point where the other adult is fed up (why else would you be mouthing "sorry"?). At this age DC need to understand/feel their opinions are of interest but also need guidance on how they share them. This is parenting! My DM let me hog conversations (golden child!). It didn't do me any favours at all.

PileOfBooks · 06/09/2021 18:48

I wouldn't make it to 30mins!! How long are you seeing your friend for...

Swipe left for the next trending thread