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Original poster

Tell me honestly, is my son really annoying?

321 replies

letsleepingbabieslie · 06/09/2021 18:15

DS(9) loves talking to adults. He'll tell people his thoughts about stuff, what he's been doing, a book he's reading, his favourite food, ... whatever. I find it precocious and embarassing when he does it with strangers, and really annoying when I want to catch up with a friend and he's chattering away to them. I imagine they must be as bored as I am and am constantly mouthing 'sorry!'.
Be honest, is this as annoying to other people as I think it is, or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
lalafafa · 06/09/2021 18:49

its unbearable, even worse when the parents think its great.I've stopped seeing friends if they bring annoying kids.

JudgeRindersMinder · 06/09/2021 18:49

Why on earth are you mouthing sorry and not being firmer with him. By 9 he should be starting to appreciate there’s a time and a place. Before you visit someone or have visitors, have a firm chat with him about your expectations, and stick to your guns

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/09/2021 18:49

With strangers? Confused Why don't you intervene?
Of course complete strangers don't want a random 9 year old jabbering at them, especially when they can't exactly get away (I presume they're a captive audience and he doesn't actually buttonhole people in the street?!)

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MrsSchadenfreude · 06/09/2021 18:50

Yes, pain in the arse.

caughtinanet · 06/09/2021 18:51

I'd find it annoying and would be considering carefully meeting up with you but I'm at a stage in life where nothing a 9 year old would say household my attention

Blunt I know but I think you do want honest answers.

DramaAlpaca · 06/09/2021 18:52

I'm sorry, but that's not just annoying it's really quite rude.

MeredithGreyishblue · 06/09/2021 18:52

It's great that he's a confident communicator!
Also important to teach him social skills too though. And be firm with it.

Sadly, I think most people are bored of listening to someone else's child after a few minutes. Hell, sometimes I'm bored of my own but it's my job to listen to him.

But his confident communication will set him in good stead! There's a balance.

LukeEvansWife · 06/09/2021 18:52

As someone said, talking to strangers is really not on, (Although I wish adults would learn this too Grin)

diddl · 06/09/2021 18:52

Who are the strangers that he talks to?

I think if you are with him & the other person is engaging then that's OK.

As long as he can take the hint when they want to stop.

If you are visiting a friend or they you then I think it's also fine if he wants a little chat at first.

But he needs to know that when he's sent on his way he stays away!

SionnachRua · 06/09/2021 18:54

Why are you allowing him to do it? Stop being such a wet lettuce - seriously, if you're mouthing "sorry" you know it's not ok behaviour - and deal with it.

Glwysen · 06/09/2021 18:54

I would find it annoying if it was an adult!

If i was on the train and a stranger talked at me at length and didn’t pick up cues that i was being polite but wanted them to stop that would be annoying.

If my friend came to catch up with me but my DH repeatedly came over and dominated the conversation that would be annoying.

Picking up cues and manners are quite useful skills

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/09/2021 18:56

I think if you are with him & the other person is engaging then that's OK.
Not sure about this, really. Most people will engage to a degree, they're hardly going to tell a little kid to bog off...
Doesn't mean they're necessarily cool with it.

piratehooker · 06/09/2021 18:57

I do find your attitude towards it (from your OP) a lot more endearing than the over-indulgent 'my little angel is endlessly fascinating, sit here quietly while she rattles on at us for 20 minutes without drawing breath' type parents I seem to come across in my social circles.

I agree with PP that simply mouthing 'sorry' may not be enough, and that there is a difference between talking with and including children, and them/their parents expecting all present to be completely in their thrall.

How is he with fitting in to a conversation already in progress? Would he happily chat with (not at) you and friends on occasion about the topic at hand (I realise there isn't always a lot of overlap between what Mums want to talk about and what a 10 year old lad wants to chat about!), or would he streamroller and try to redirect to his own interests?

TatianaBis · 06/09/2021 18:57

I like children who talk, particularly about books and what they think - I find them interesting. As an adult I'm perfectly able to shut the conversation down.

With my own kids I'm very firm about not annoying people in public.

dworky · 06/09/2021 18:58

Depends on the person. I enjoy chatty kids.

alexdgr8 · 06/09/2021 18:59

maybe you could try talking at him when he gets back from school, all about your day, how you had to wait in for the plumber, who never came, and then said on the phone that you have to have a whole new kitchen sink, just because that plug is not available, i ask you !

  • but don't pause- and on and on.
if he eventually manages to get a word in and say that's boring, or i don't know what to do about the sink, you could broaden it out. gently. use as example of difference between conversation and rail-roading.
LukeEvansWife · 06/09/2021 18:59

How do you shut the conversation down? I could do with knowing!

Mrgrinch · 06/09/2021 18:59

I think this issue needs to be resolved now, or he'll turn into a grown man with the same behaviour and will become very obnoxious.

If he likes to converse then you should be able to speak to him about the manners involved in adult conversation.

diddl · 06/09/2021 19:00

@GreyhoundG1rl

I think if you are with him & the other person is engaging then that's OK. Not sure about this, really. Most people will engage to a degree, they're hardly going to tell a little kid to bog off... Doesn't mean they're necessarily cool with it.
Hmm yes.

I suppose it depends on how it all comes about & what he's saying.

It does sound as if he might be talking at them!

daisyjgrey · 06/09/2021 19:01

Is it a conversation or a monologue?

I have zero interest in having conversations/listening to the thoughts of strangers, doesn't matter if they're 9 or 90, if I'm on a train or in a cafe etc I really definitely completely do not want to have an unsolicited conversation. I'll smile and nod for about 30 seconds and then extricate myself either physically or using a phone etc.

Justmuddlingalong · 06/09/2021 19:01

If he spends a lot of time with adults who indulge his domination of conversations, he isn't learning the give and take that interaction with other people involves. Spending more time with other kids will enable him to learn social cues as they're more likely to tell him to stop interrupting/put a sock in it. But it's really down to you. Stop apologising for him and teach him.

FoxgloveSummers · 06/09/2021 19:02

He needs to learn to talk "with" adults rather than talking at them about their own interests. Is it always boys that do this? So many seem to continue it into dating later life.

I've seen a parent say "you can either sit with us and join in with what we're talking about, or you can go upstairs/over there and XYZ". That seemed to work.

The talking per se could be great and I wouldn't want to squash it out of him or consider it "precocious" whatever that means, but it's about learning a) when they're not wanted and b) how to do it properly (i.e. two way, relevant conversation)

HarlanPepper · 06/09/2021 19:02

I might be in the minority but I would much rather a talkative kid than that dead-eyed stare most friends' children give me when I try to make brief, polite conversation. It sounds like he does take over a little bit sometimes but I'm sure he'll grow out of that.

ineedaholidayandwine · 06/09/2021 19:04

I know a boy like this, i love chatting to him on the school run and don't mind at all that he likes to talk to me

Echobelly · 06/09/2021 19:04

Does depend on the kid - if they'll take a hint when you say 'Sorry darling but I want to have a chat with your mum/talk to my child now' etc, that's fine. If they keep getting in your face, it can be a bit much. Also some adult love it, some, more often those without kids, can find it incredibly wearing especially if they don't really understand that kids are still developing their social skills.

Friend's little one on a trip recently was very chatty and clingy and in your personal space, though could also be very sweet but honestly I forgave them as they've very little and parents are going through messy divorce so it wasn't surprising if they acted up a bit.

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