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Original poster

Tell me honestly, is my son really annoying?

321 replies

letsleepingbabieslie · 06/09/2021 18:15

DS(9) loves talking to adults. He'll tell people his thoughts about stuff, what he's been doing, a book he's reading, his favourite food, ... whatever. I find it precocious and embarassing when he does it with strangers, and really annoying when I want to catch up with a friend and he's chattering away to them. I imagine they must be as bored as I am and am constantly mouthing 'sorry!'.
Be honest, is this as annoying to other people as I think it is, or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
Botanica · 07/09/2021 16:08

Lovely when it's asked for but at that age I would completely expect them to also know when to politely keep quiet and wait until asked a question.

More so it's completely unacceptable and inconsiderate of the parent to just let a child witter on inanely without intervening.

Lokdok · 07/09/2021 17:29

Sorry, yes that's really annoying! If they ask him how he is and he answers that fully, and holds a conversation with them, that's totally fine - but it sounds like he's giving a stream of consciousness all about him, and that's not fine. But at least you're aware so you can talk to him about it. Lots of parents think it's lovely when their kids do it!

PileOfBooks · 07/09/2021 17:32

I had a friend say how lovely it was the 13 year old liked to sit with the grown ups now....if we go for an evening there she is around. I tend to suggest elsewhere.

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BlesstheChickens · 07/09/2021 17:35

I was taught ‘it’s rude to interrupt grown ups.’ However I think your child sounds adorable & very confident but I would tell him what I was told and to wait politely until he’s asked a question. I remember being a toddler & longing to join in adult conversations but trying to please the grown ups by waiting & staring up at them & wondering how they bore being that ugly from below.

maddiemookins16mum · 07/09/2021 17:37

5 minutes of it, lovely. An hour, annoying. I love listening to kids.

Frazzledstar1 · 07/09/2021 17:38

It wouldn’t bother me if it was say first 5-10mins of the meet up and then he went off to do his own thing and we can catch up.

When this happens are you meeting up where there are other things for him to do or kids to play with? Could be that he’s bored and therefore wants a chat. I would personally avoid meeting up with friends if there weren’t other kids for mine to play with or things for them to do. They’d be bored witless and bug me the whole time. No-one would be happy in that scenario.

WTAFhappened123 · 07/09/2021 17:45

As your friend this would piss me off! I don’t want to have a 3 hour convo with a child whilst his mum mouths ‘sorry’. Man up and set some boundaries

WTAFhappened123 · 07/09/2021 17:46

@PileOfBooks I have a friend like this. I go round to hers for goss, wine and child free catch up and her 13 yr old joins us for the whole fecking evening. Nope just nope!

Ostagazuzulum · 07/09/2021 18:02

Sounds annoying

Not as annoying as the colleague who brings her toddler to say to you on work zoom conference call most days. Not a quick hello either

TheBigFatMermaid · 07/09/2021 18:05

I have a friend with two young boys who REALLY like to talk to me. The bombard me with talk, then request I play a game with them. I won't play board games with my own kids, so pleasantly refuse. I will admire their crafts, hear what they've been learning about, look at and admire their newest toys, but I adore them.
Their mum does shut them down after a while though.

sussexman · 07/09/2021 18:07

I doubt it's as annoying as you think it is, but clearly - read the replies - it could well be at least somewhat annoying to lots of people.

It does sound as if he's not reading social cues well, and perhaps prefers the company of adults to his peers. There may be a whole variety of reasons for this, for example, he may just not engage with many adults :( but I'd definitely talk to him about boundaries and expected behaviour and see how he gets on.

Bard6817 · 07/09/2021 18:14

Yes. But anyone’s but your own kids are usually annoying.

It’s a delicate line to cross, some parents are a nightmare and don’t do anything about it, i mean a few interactions is enough but allowing one person, dominating a conversation between three or more is usually annoying, age isn’t relevant.

How to handle….
Every kid or parent is different, hard to say.

It’s primarily upto the parent to deal with, if they don’t, well, i suspect they don’t get visited as often as others.

Taranta · 07/09/2021 18:27

My 10yo DS does this, it’s a feature of his ASD however. He’s always been like this and engaged adults in conversation if he could, from a very young age. He does not read social cues very well so will not know when to move on, change subject etc, so I gently move things on for him and give him the nod to alert him.

Localocal · 07/09/2021 18:29

I think after 5 minutes a 9 year old can be told to amuse himself while the grownups talk. It is irritating when you go around to meet a friend for a chat and end up having to chat to a child the whole time. If I wanted to talk to a child I could do that at home.

I love children and like to talk to my kids' friends, but not to the exclusion of grownup conversation.

Shell4429 · 07/09/2021 18:31

My now adult son used to do this. He’s on the autistic spectrum and for the most part people were amazed at his knowledge but I did stop him after about ten minutes or so. He knew everything about dinosaurs, volcanoes, the solar system and was quite fascinating. Until Pokemon. Nobody wants to hear about video games. I miss the time before that and wish I had treasured it more.

Ari202 · 07/09/2021 18:35

You can be bored now. But when he grows up and doesn’t want to talk because he wants to have his life and catch up with HIS friends then you’ll miss these days.

But no, it’s probably not as annoying to others as they don’t spend as much time with him as you do.

Jemand · 07/09/2021 18:35

I think I'm going to try the approach of letting him chat for a set amount of time at the start, then be firmer in the shove-off aspect.

Wouldn't it be better to speak to him when you're on your own together to try to educate him into being more alert to when it is and isn't appropriate to join in other people's conversations?

mumda · 07/09/2021 18:44

He sounds great.
I will fall asleep if a child tells me about Minecraft though. Everything else is good.

Dontknowanymore2 · 07/09/2021 18:48

I would love to listen to him, he sounds a very articulate little boy. Im so sorry you find it irritating, believe me this time with your son will go by in a flash and then you will one day wish you still had it.

Mumkins42 · 07/09/2021 18:49

I personal find this really engagingly and happily chat with children like this. He sounds a very interesting, confident young boy. I wish more adults would give kids the time they deserve. If it's going on too long, can you just be firm and direct with him but kind not to hurt his feelings. Mouthing behind his back is hurtful to him and pointless. Just take charge and say it's now time for you and friend to have grown up time alone and you need him to go play. Warm him in advance this needs to happen and reward him for listening. Maybe allow him 5 minutes to chat though. Don't want to quash his spirit

GreyhoundG1rl · 07/09/2021 18:51

@Shell4429

My now adult son used to do this. He’s on the autistic spectrum and for the most part people were amazed at his knowledge but I did stop him after about ten minutes or so. He knew everything about dinosaurs, volcanoes, the solar system and was quite fascinating. Until Pokemon. Nobody wants to hear about video games. I miss the time before that and wish I had treasured it more.
The thing is, it may be fascinating to you, but most people who have kids themselves won't want to hear someone else's kid orating on their specialised subject. We all think our own kids are fascinating (mostly). Other people's not so much.
Davygran · 07/09/2021 19:05

Why don’t you stop him if you find it so annoying?

BoredZelda · 07/09/2021 19:05

I love having conversations with kids. I find them fascinating, I love how their minds work when they think about things.

I do not love incessant pointless chatter so it would depend which of these he does.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 07/09/2021 19:07

I was and am like this. These days I've learned to detect The Cough. Grin

trumpisagit · 07/09/2021 19:07

My neighbour's child used to be like this (I also noticed at 9/10/11 other children found it annoying too)
He is almost 13 now and I haven't been acosted by him to hear something I am not interested in for ages.
I am sure he will grow out of it, and I would only worry if it affects his friendships.