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Original poster

Tell me honestly, is my son really annoying?

321 replies

letsleepingbabieslie · 06/09/2021 18:15

DS(9) loves talking to adults. He'll tell people his thoughts about stuff, what he's been doing, a book he's reading, his favourite food, ... whatever. I find it precocious and embarassing when he does it with strangers, and really annoying when I want to catch up with a friend and he's chattering away to them. I imagine they must be as bored as I am and am constantly mouthing 'sorry!'.
Be honest, is this as annoying to other people as I think it is, or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
LukeEvansWife · 07/09/2021 08:31

@olympicsrock Geniune question - how do you cut conversation with a random child? Usually their parent is nearby —smiling indulgently— and so how do you do it without drama?

LukeEvansWife · 07/09/2021 08:35

I didn’t suggest gagging the child. Just that that sort of specific conversation about what would happen in a train crash isn’t actually appropriate for when you are on a train… The poster did say that the man got up and moved away after, so that’s a clue!

LukeEvansWife · 07/09/2021 08:43

And the fact she kept telling him to shush implies that (a) she realised it wasn’t appropriate and (b) she should have taken the child aside straightaway

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8Sense8 · 07/09/2021 09:18

No I definitely don't find it annoying. I want to take an interest in my friends' children. One of the pleasures of my childhood were my mum's friends taking an interest. The issue with adults vs children is often brevity and sequencing info
That's something that is learned over time. If s/he is closed down quickly, or shamed, it's less likely to be learned. There are ways of communicating this gently but it's easier for them to pick up on this from about 7-8yo. I have 3 dc at different stages. My middle dc discusses things with humour and charm and various adults in our community comment on how wonderful his is (15yo who can join in with secondary academy chain Head teacher/Consultant surgeon/Director of Marketing for a multi national. He is self assured and good hunoured and can judge a pause versus an awkward silence. He's learned it by being emerged in it. He also accepted adult chat time, (but would listen in). My youngest is just coming out of the talk your head off phase. She finds adults less interesting now. But her Gran loves to take her out for coffee mornings with OAPs as she chats confidently to them. However, she has also learned when to get on with a game on her phone. It's not an intrinsic understanding, it's all learned through modelling.

Dozer · 07/09/2021 09:21

V annoying. Don’t apologise for him, just don’t let him interrupt or hog the conversation!

Dozer · 07/09/2021 09:21

I have friends with two DC like this, the friends actively encouraged it. DC were hard work, constantly seeking adult attention. Luckily as they got older they learned social skills and calmed down!

Kiduknot · 07/09/2021 09:26

A few minutes max is fine. Sitting with you and interrupting, isn’t fine.

Plumtree391 · 07/09/2021 11:18

@LukeEvansWife

And the fact she kept telling him to shush implies that (a) she realised it wasn’t appropriate and (b) she should have taken the child aside straightaway
I don't think the 'shush' and mouthing 'sorry' was appropriate, it's as if he isn't being taken seriously and that is quite hurtful to a child, not something they forget.

My course of action (I'm not saying it's marvellous, everyone has their own ideas), would be to speak to my son about not interrupting the conversations of others, respect etc, and telling him that not everybody wants to listen to him so he needs to know when to stop. He'll get the message.

It is nice when children are confident though, that should be encouraged.

When puberty hits he may turn into a shy, gangling, monosyllabic yob :-). Overnight!

Serevai · 07/09/2021 11:22

Bless you!

My brother used to do this to me when I was younger, I'd say about 16 and he was about 5-6 and I just found him so annoying lol, he would literally talk and talk and talk but do you know what- he's turned into such a wonderful young man and looking back- I wish I hadn't found him annoying, I wish I'd talked to him rather than going out with my mates that I'm now not even in contact with.

It's so easy for it to be annoying but at the same time, don't worry too much about Jim's noting other people he will grow out of this phase and all that matters is your time with him. I think it's wonderful he's talking so much because if he's awt like my brother my brother is mega popular with lots of friends now!

LuvMyBubbles · 07/09/2021 11:37

Mostly yes.

EishetChayil · 07/09/2021 12:16

He sounds extremely irritating.

But you can train him not to do it. He shouldn't be approaching strangers in any case.

Original poster
letsleepingbabieslie · 07/09/2021 13:45

I can't believe how many responses this has got! Anyway, lots of helpful ideas and brutal honesty, which is what I was after. I think I'm going to try the approach of letting him chat for a set amount of time at the start, then be firmer in the shove-off aspect.
Just to clarify some points (if anyone cares):

  • Yes, I do tell him to go and do other things, I don't only mouth sorry. The problem is he can be slow to get the hint when I suggest other things to do. Eventually I will be explicit and say 'Adults only now' but I'm trying not to make him feel awkward/embarassed as he's actually not very self-confident in general.
  • My friends genuinely don't seem to mind his chat, which is why I felt the need to check the truth on here! He is very interested in the world in general and so they do 'converse' with him rather than just listen to a monologue. He does take turns and it is a conversation, not a rant, it's just not the conversation that I want to be having at that moment.
  • He'd be ok sitting quietly with us and letting adults chat without interrupting. But at the moment we are mostly talking about our kids and DHs / divorces / issues at their school / etc so none of it is really suitable for little ears to overhear.
  • No, he definitely doesn't chat to strangers for hours like some PP have described. I wouldn't let that happen. It's more like, we're in a cafe and he has a little chat with the waitress. She seems ok with it, maybe it's a change from grumpy hipsters, but I feel like 'oh no! she must be busy and think we're all twats'.
OP posts:
FoxgloveSummers · 07/09/2021 13:49

No, being spoken to by little kids when you’re working is usually pretty adorable as long as they’re not in the way! Your post sounds like he’s fine, being confident speaking to strangers will stand him in great stead when he’s older and doing work experience etc.

VeganVeal · 07/09/2021 14:06

Yes annoying

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 07/09/2021 14:07

Constantly?
Yes.

Dillydollydingdong · 07/09/2021 14:10

It's such bad manners and rely annoys me.

marmaladehound · 07/09/2021 14:14

@letsleepingbabieslie

I can't believe how many responses this has got! Anyway, lots of helpful ideas and brutal honesty, which is what I was after. I think I'm going to try the approach of letting him chat for a set amount of time at the start, then be firmer in the shove-off aspect. Just to clarify some points (if anyone cares):
  • Yes, I do tell him to go and do other things, I don't only mouth sorry. The problem is he can be slow to get the hint when I suggest other things to do. Eventually I will be explicit and say 'Adults only now' but I'm trying not to make him feel awkward/embarassed as he's actually not very self-confident in general.
  • My friends genuinely don't seem to mind his chat, which is why I felt the need to check the truth on here! He is very interested in the world in general and so they do 'converse' with him rather than just listen to a monologue. He does take turns and it is a conversation, not a rant, it's just not the conversation that I want to be having at that moment.
  • He'd be ok sitting quietly with us and letting adults chat without interrupting. But at the moment we are mostly talking about our kids and DHs / divorces / issues at their school / etc so none of it is really suitable for little ears to overhear.
  • No, he definitely doesn't chat to strangers for hours like some PP have described. I wouldn't let that happen. It's more like, we're in a cafe and he has a little chat with the waitress. She seems ok with it, maybe it's a change from grumpy hipsters, but I feel like 'oh no! she must be busy and think we're all twats'.
I think he sounds wonderful! Really. I love a kid that chats to me. But yes like you say maybe he needs to be more aware of boundaries and when to stop and let you catch up with your friends.
NameChange2PostThis · 07/09/2021 14:35

@letsleepingbabieslie you say think I'm going to try the approach of letting him chat for a set amount of time at the start, then be firmer in the shove-off aspect.
I suggest it would be kinder and more productive to speak with him before you meet with friends etc to set expectations as to how long he can be part of the conversation and what he should do when the adults are chatting. It would be great if he can then learn this as a life skill to manage these social interactions, eg after 20 minutes he says ‘mummy I’m going to play next door now’ and leaves the room.

LukeEvansWife · 07/09/2021 14:41

Learning how to behave around adults is best done around your friends and family.

I have waited on tables - of course we have to chat if a customer wants to, but most of us just want to get the shift done ASAP and get home. Most people won’t be clearly irritated because we are expected to be polite.

kinzarose · 07/09/2021 14:41

Absolutely fine and interesting for a few minutes. Completely unreasonable if the child wants to constantly interject or add his/her opinion into adult conversation though. I had a friend who had a son like this, we couldn't have a 3 word conversation without him interrupting to share his thoughts or to even tell us that he wasn't happy about the topic of conversation and wanted to change it. The worst thing about it was that his mum thought this was the best thing ever and would encourage it! Everyone else thought he was a complete PITA.

GreyhoundG1rl · 07/09/2021 14:43

No, being spoken to by little kids when you’re working is usually pretty adorable as long as they’re not in the way!
Seriously?!

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 07/09/2021 14:48

Does he ask questions of the person he’s taking to? In other words, is he attempting a 2 way conversation? I wouldn’t find that too annoying as children are people and 9 year olds are hardly babbling toddlers.
However, if it’s just a monologue of his interests and his stuff, then it would be really irritating and I’d guide him towards socially appropriate ways of communicating

Thewiseoneincognito · 07/09/2021 14:59

Sounds like a very bright confident young boy. I’d be proud instead of thinking he was precocious.

Anordinarymum · 07/09/2021 15:40

If I was talking to my neighbour over the fence, his child would come over and join in, butting into the conversation and talking about himself. It was almost every time, and it was tedious.
So you listened politely and replied and then carried on with the previous conversation and bugger me, he would butt in again and again and again.
I would not allow my own child to do this. It's rude when adults are talking to 'chip in' and it was rude of the adult to allow it. You are not doing the child any favour by allowing them to be rude. You are showing no boundaries.

Now years later, that same child they allowed to be rude is as rude as fuck to them. I hear them in the house and in the garden and I just think - you reap what you sew mate.

AmyDudley · 07/09/2021 15:58

I think its a bit of a balancing act. It is lovely that he has interests and that he is confident talking about them and talking to adults. You don't want him to feel his interests and opinions are boring and no one wants to hear them.
Mainly he is missing social cues and missing the idea of context and when it is appropriate for him to part of the conversation and when not. I would talk to him beforehand and say something along the lines of it is nice for him to chat for a few minute with your friends (while you are making tea or whatever) but when you have your friends over it is because you want to chat with them and have a grown up conversation. Just as he probably would find it annoying if he had a friend over to play and you sat with them and talked to at his friend all the time so they couldn't play.
Tell him that if you say to him that it is grown up chat time he is to make him self scarce when asked, and you don;t expect to have to keep asking.

Its nice he likes to chat with grown ups - but he is welcome to join in the chat when it is something to which he has been invited (like a family meal out or similar) but at other times people want their own space with their friends.

I'm always happy to chat with kids for a while, but there's a time limit to my tolerance if I have come over to talk to a friend. A day out with the kids to a zoo etc I would happily let the kids chatter away whenever they wanted - because they are part of the whole social party on those occasions.