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Original poster

Giving friends sibling a lift to secondary school. Would you do this?

416 replies

Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 08:36

DS is in year 8, his best friend lives in the street behind us. I'm friends with his mum. He has a sister who has just started year 7.

Last year, the boys did a mixture of walking and having lifts by both of us. The last couple of months DH shifts changed and he routinely gave DS and his friend a lift to school. We have to drive past their street anyway.

The mum has now asked if we would pick the sister up on the way past too. I'm not sure I want to start this but I don't really know why. How would you feel about it?

(I know I'll get replies saying they should make their own way to school but it's a long walk and DS had a pretty horrible experience last year. Giving him a lift suits us all much better)

OP posts:
Mrgrinch · 03/09/2021 15:36

@2bazookas

What share of taking-to/from-school does the friend's mum contribute?
Nothing, she did at first but now doesn't bother.
C8H10N4O2 · 03/09/2021 15:48

I've just turned 40 and I've actually had enough

Congratulations you have reached the "fuck off" phase of life - none of us get there early enough, some of us never do Grin

Plenty of posts here demonstrating exactly the reasons why parents who offer lifts are cautious about making it regular.

What do the boys think? If friend's DM drives why on earth isn't she offering to alternate? Maybe that is the option - say "yes sure we can do alternate weeks" and if she doesn't go for that you don't provide the taxi service.

daytriptovulcan · 03/09/2021 15:51

Reading some of this I get the feeling the OP is being trolled, as you do on this site.
Apparently, the OP her time, her car has been nationalised to provide a public service. It's starting to look like a CF thread.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Secondary education
Tirediam · 03/09/2021 15:53

I get that OP is worried about it all getting into CF territory and I agree.. this could turn permanent and it would all get a bit messy then.

Bryonyshcmyony · 03/09/2021 15:53

@daytriptovulcan

Reading some of this I get the feeling the OP is being trolled, as you do on this site. Apparently, the OP her time, her car has been nationalised to provide a public service. It's starting to look like a CF thread.
Classic mumsnet!
flowersmakeitbetter · 03/09/2021 16:03

No, knock it on the head now.

My Mum used to pick me up from school. It was too far to walk so sometimes I used to cycle. I didn't get a free bus pass because we lived just inside three miles and it was two buses home via a large town.

My friend lived on the other side of the village and had a bus pass. Sometimes she caught the bus and sometimes she cycled with me. My Mum often gave her a lift and she would walk from our house. If it was raining, my Mum would take her home.

On one very rare occasion, her Mum (who didn't work) picked us up. We went back to her house and I walked home in torrential rain. I already had the start of a cold and arrived home like a drowned rat.

My friend never got another lift........

MsTSwift · 03/09/2021 16:10

Actually I think that is mean. It’s not the kids fault her mum is a lazy git. We lived rurally and all the parents gave lifts except my friends. She was mortified. None of the rest of us of our parents begrudged giving my lovely friends lifts not her fault her parents were weirdos.

3luckystars · 03/09/2021 16:11

Did she text you or ask you?

If she asked you then that was a bit awkward to come up with something fair on the spot but if she texted you then that is a chance to get a fair negotiation.
Lifts should be equally shared or no deal.

plantingandpotting · 03/09/2021 16:12

I don't think taking the sister would bother me, it's the way you've been cornered with zero niceties...like an offer of petrol money or the suggestion that you take turns. Pretty brazen, actually.

So yeah, I totally get why it's not sitting right with you OP.

3luckystars · 03/09/2021 16:13

@flowersmakeitbetter did you mother say anything to the other mother? How did she manage to get out of giving a lift?
Your mother must have been sickened after all the good will she had shown towards your friend.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 03/09/2021 16:31

I've repeatedly read how "kind and nice" you have been to her DS and how ungrateful they all are. How horrible she is for asking you to take DD too and taking advantage of your kindness, etc.
Umm, where is all your kindness? Your DH has been incredibly nice and kind driving DS and his friend every day. You on the other hand have been at home, just like your "lazy friend".

Mrgrinch · 03/09/2021 16:57

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer

I've repeatedly read how "kind and nice" you have been to her DS and how ungrateful they all are. How horrible she is for asking you to take DD too and taking advantage of your kindness, etc. Umm, where is all your kindness? Your DH has been incredibly nice and kind driving DS and his friend every day. You on the other hand have been at home, just like your "lazy friend".
How do you know the OP is at home? She hasn't said that. She could be at work.
Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 17:00

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer not that I should have to justify myself to a dickhead on the internet but as you asked, I'm currently recovering from bowel surgery. I have a stoma so every morning, while DH does the school run I have to change my bag before work. Its all quite new to me so it's pretty time consuming. I've never called my friend lazy or horrible. Your words not mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 17:02

luckystars she texted me which is why I had the chance to come on here and ask people's thoughts. It has given me time to decide so I'm pleased she didn't put me on the spot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 17:03

flowersmakeitbetter being a CF isn't a new thing then! Glad your mum wised up.

OP posts:
Beamur · 03/09/2021 17:07

Sounds like you're just feeling a bit fed up of this arrangement being one sided. Which is understandable.

LER83 · 03/09/2021 17:12

Totally with you on this op. I would just reply 'no, sorry doesn't work for us. Happy to still give Johnny a lift some mornings, but understand if he needs to walk/bus/go with his sister whilst she finds her feet. Hopefully ds will start walking again soon - the boys can sort that out between themselves.'

LittleMysSister · 03/09/2021 17:17

I'd just reply with something like "Ah sorry, it's not gonna work for us this year. DH's work are cracking down at the mo so he can't be late, he's just going to have to shoot out the door with DS. Sorry."

Hopefully your son and his friend will start walking again soon now they are in year 8.

TheVolturi · 03/09/2021 17:30

I understand how you feel op. If this had been posted in reverse, most people would say you were a cf expecting another mum to collect both your children and drop them at school! I think the mum IS cheeky to ask you really, without at least offering you some petrol money.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 03/09/2021 17:47

@Coolter272

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer not that I should have to justify myself to a dickhead on the internet but as you asked, I'm currently recovering from bowel surgery. I have a stoma so every morning, while DH does the school run I have to change my bag before work. Its all quite new to me so it's pretty time consuming. I've never called my friend lazy or horrible. Your words not mine.
You might want to re-read what you have said about her if you truly think you have not implied she is "lazy". And I still say its your DH that is the one being kind to her, yet you keep saying "you" have. If your DH does not want to do it anymore have him talk to her. Really you are not a part of this as you are not the one driving.
YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 03/09/2021 17:59

I'm honestly confused by all the people outraged at this other mother. They have been taking her son every day to school. Her DD will be starting at the same school so she texted to ask if they would take DD too. That was it. There has been no response from the OP to this question that I have seen. I think it would be normal to ask. If they dont want to they just say "no that wont work". If they mother then got all upset about that then yes I could understand. But I dont see how it would not be natural to just ask. You say she should find a way for her DD to get to school...thats what she's doing. The most obvious first thing to do is ask if she can ride with her brother who is going the exact same place. I really must live in a different world then most people on MN. People label other people as CFs at every little thing on here. I'm glad the world I actually live in people are kinder. Thats not saying they should give the ride to be kind, but getting so upset over being asked to do something that is not making them go out of their way at all is crazy. Just say no if you dont want to so she can find other arraignments.

GreyhoundG1rl · 03/09/2021 18:04

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer

I'm honestly confused by all the people outraged at this other mother. They have been taking her son every day to school. Her DD will be starting at the same school so she texted to ask if they would take DD too. That was it. There has been no response from the OP to this question that I have seen. I think it would be normal to ask. If they dont want to they just say "no that wont work". If they mother then got all upset about that then yes I could understand. But I dont see how it would not be natural to just ask. You say she should find a way for her DD to get to school...thats what she's doing. The most obvious first thing to do is ask if she can ride with her brother who is going the exact same place. I really must live in a different world then most people on MN. People label other people as CFs at every little thing on here. I'm glad the world I actually live in people are kinder. Thats not saying they should give the ride to be kind, but getting so upset over being asked to do something that is not making them go out of their way at all is crazy. Just say no if you dont want to so she can find other arraignments.
Sense at last... 👏
BorderlineHappy · 03/09/2021 18:16

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer but the other mother is a cf.

Who expects their kids to be brought to school every day without saying thanks.And then adds her dd in to the mix.

You read enough threads on here knowing this is going to turn awkward.

And it wont be the op,it will be cf mum.

Original poster
Coolter272 · 03/09/2021 18:17

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer enlighten me. Where have I said she's lazy? I've said she likes a lie in, I said she likes to stay in her pjs. That doesn't make her lazy. DH doing the school run absolutely does impact on me and therefore his kindness in doing it is also mine. I'm giving up 30 minutes of support off my DH before 8am every weekday morning that would make my life a whole lot easier. You preach about kindness and show none yourself, accusing me of being sat at home doing nothing, I've then explained to you that I have serious health issues and you can't even bring yourself to apologise. Troll.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 03/09/2021 18:20

DH doing the school run absolutely does impact on me and therefore his kindness in doing it is also mine
But given that he's doing it anyway, the impact of one or two extras has no impact at all.

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