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Original poster

For those with high achievers - how (honesty please!)

306 replies

1AngelicFruitCake · 02/09/2021 17:45

As the title! Inspired by the thread about why people don’t confess to tutoring their children. If your child is in the ‘exceeding/above expectations’ range then what is it you do at home to help?

OP posts:
RandomDent · 02/09/2021 17:49

My 12 year old is v clever and in top sets at school. I honestly do nothing with him, except for making sure he’s got millions of books to hand. His dad is a writer so it’s possibly just in him. 9yo is also v clever but gets stressed easily so I back right off academically but encourage his play and imagination.

Cannes12 · 02/09/2021 17:49

Reading reading reading

JayAlfredPrufrock · 02/09/2021 17:50

Reading. Games. Cultural holidays. Talking talking talking.

RandomDent · 02/09/2021 17:51

@Cannes12

Reading reading reading
I should have just said that. 😊 yes, reading reading reading.
Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 02/09/2021 17:52

Choosing a partner with a high IQ. It’s not a guarantee, but certainly increases the odds.

AuntieMarys · 02/09/2021 17:53

Ds rarely read. He was very motivated though and went to a bog standard secondary. Always wanted to be top

ThePlantsitter · 02/09/2021 17:53

My kids are both high achievers. The 12 year old thrives on competition and pressure and the younger one is like @RandomDent's and if you push she goes sideways!

I have never pushed either of them but have loads of books around all the time and try to do a family trip around their school topics to get them interested. I try to prioritise experiences over things and interest/effort over achievement too. But I'm not smug, just lucky in many ways and privileged to have had a teacher for a mum.

Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 02/09/2021 17:55

These are all great thank you! I feel like academic success is all behind closed doors and no one shares what they do\don’t do!

OP posts:
Starrynight468 · 02/09/2021 17:55

My 15 yr old dd has always wanted to do well at school and please her teachers. She's predicted all 8s and 9s although is not a genius or special, she literally is just motivated to do her work and enjoys it. Because she enjoys it she spends her time on homework, extra math and French ect. I am absolutely rubbish at organising and have never checked up on homework.

I did and do buy her lots of books, but I do that for ds too and he's the complete lazy opposite of her!

Her people pleasing may come back to haunt us though. I am working with her on saying no to friends and sticking up for herself. My ds is probably too good at not being a people pleaser and so doesn't give a shit about school work, let alone additional work for enjoyment.

Hoppinggreen · 02/09/2021 17:55

Dd just got all 9s at GCSE and I can honestly say it was down to her.
She was alert and curious from birth (and never bloody slept), she was always mentally very busy.
We read to her a lot and talked to her about all sorts of things but she is just naturally very very clever.
DS is different, very chilled and easy baby. Above average but lazy and does enough to get by.
As far as MH goes he has a much easier ride though

Soontobe60 · 02/09/2021 17:56

@1AngelicFruitCake

These are all great thank you! I feel like academic success is all behind closed doors and no one shares what they do\don’t do!
Do you believe that all children are able to reach the same level educationally if they have the same input?
Seeline · 02/09/2021 17:57

Read to them when they were tiny and continued until secondary. Made sure they had loads of books. Encouraged them to ask questions and always tried to answer - using books, internet etc when required. Supported through school - checking if they had homework, helping with learning spelling etc when small and supporting when asked as they got older. Being interested in their interests and encouraging them to be interested in the world around them. Great family discussions around the dinner table. Trips to museums etc. Encouraged other activities - music, clubs etc.

It sounds a lot, but was always led by them. Not forced on them at all. They were always genuinely curious. Both came out with As/A* and 8s and 9s at GCSE. I think some kids are naturally cleverer though. DS in particular didn't really apply himself to school work. DD works hard.

Potatofacey · 02/09/2021 17:57

I was about to say reading - I’m a book worm so it’s in our lifestyles naturally. Other than that, we talk about what’s going on in the world a lot, but I am very laid back about home work / pushing academically as I don’t want to pressure him. He takes failure very badly, so I actually probably spend more energy setting him to be bad at things (kindly!) so he can learn how to deal with it appropriately.

BreakfastOfWaffles · 02/09/2021 17:57

It is often down to having a home set up that encourages conversation, eg family dinner, parents able to support with homework questions etc. I would also add that reading does not have to be fiction books. It could be fact books, magazines or blogs instead.

RandomDent · 02/09/2021 17:58

@Hoppinggreen ooh my stressed one never slept as a baby and even now is always up with the sun; I wonder if there’s something in that?

Bobmonkfish · 02/09/2021 17:58

My sister's kids are. They haven't had tutoring but are always advancing their learning somehow, whether through books, museums, trips, TV programmes etc. Their parents are very involved in what they do i.e. to help or advise or encourage. Talking all the time about books and current affairs. Both their parents both went to top universities so it can't be just hard work.

They all make me feel pretty thick tbh Grin

Lovetoridemybicycle · 02/09/2021 17:59

Not everyone can be above average, a lot depends on their drive and personality. I have two very bright kids (obviously, cause everyone on Mumsnet has above average kids!) One I have to hassle to do her work as she's just not bothered. She will do well, could excel, but won't. There other is sooo driven to succeed and works her socks off with no prompting and is predicted 8/9 in GCSE across the board. Seriously never tutored her, to me to excel it's down to their attitude

RumblyMumbly · 02/09/2021 17:59

DC1 is a high achiever academically & constantly reads for pleasure and has great understanding / comprehension / general knowledge because of it.
DC2 meeting expectations reads a bit at bed time but would rather be physically active (or gaming!!!) during the day.

If they are academically inclined its easy. If it's not their natural inclination, my experience is that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Generally - books, museums, build their confidence by trying new things, talk to them about issues in the news / your local area, puzzles, games like chess or cards to help numeracy and logic.

Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 02/09/2021 18:00

I think children need different levels of input. Some children are naturally bright and this is shown when parents have a child who isn’t as bright and are used to not having to put in as much effort.
I wish effort put in by parents and children meant that equals academic success! I also agree being academic doesn’t mean they will be successful or happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 02/09/2021 18:00

Sorry that was in reply to soontobe60

OP posts:
OchonAgusOchonOh · 02/09/2021 18:03

Genes are the biggest contributor I think. Both dh and I have fairly high IQs. Both of us are hard working.

Environment is also important. Living in a home where hard work and intellectual curiosity is admired helps. Access to books. Reading to them when they are young and engaging with them on an intellectual level - so conversations about things that interest them, cultural activities and discussions about them etc.

LadyDanburysCane · 02/09/2021 18:04

@1AngelicFruitCake

As the title! Inspired by the thread about why people don’t confess to tutoring their children. If your child is in the ‘exceeding/above expectations’ range then what is it you do at home to help?
Encouragement and support. A quiet place to study. DD is incredibly clever and excelled at school at university and then at a further uni for her MA. She never had any form of extra tutoring.

However DS was given all the same opportunities but has SEN and struggles academically. I got him a tutor to help him scrape a pass in maths GCSE.

Hoppinggreen · 02/09/2021 18:05

@Starrynight468

My 15 yr old dd has always wanted to do well at school and please her teachers. She's predicted all 8s and 9s although is not a genius or special, she literally is just motivated to do her work and enjoys it. Because she enjoys it she spends her time on homework, extra math and French ect. I am absolutely rubbish at organising and have never checked up on homework.

I did and do buy her lots of books, but I do that for ds too and he's the complete lazy opposite of her!

Her people pleasing may come back to haunt us though. I am working with her on saying no to friends and sticking up for herself. My ds is probably too good at not being a people pleaser and so doesn't give a shit about school work, let alone additional work for enjoyment.

Do you have my children?
bathorshower · 02/09/2021 18:05

An awful lot of it is innate to the child. I was chatting to a mum at school, and asked if it was hard getting all three children out in the mornings. She said no, she just turned the TV off, so there was no reason for them to stay inside. Meanwhile I spend my life saying 'put that book down, it's time to...' (and I can't strip the house of reading matter every time we need to do something).

Yarboosucks · 02/09/2021 18:05

Meal times together, taking time to talk, answering questions properly, letting them be curious, being interested in their views and opinions, challenging them without discouraging, exposure to culture and new experiences... Creating opportunities for them to find out what excites them (praying it is not horses)