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Original poster

To those with well behaved children...

193 replies

hettysfeather · 31/08/2021 18:02

What the hell is your secret?!

My (almost) three year old DS is feral. I spend so much time with him, get him involved in everything I do and we have a sticker chart. I praise him every time he displays a positive behaviour. He also gets rewards when he has been "good".

But he does not listen, he hits, bites and pinches when he doesn't get his way or he's cross. Runs around and away from me in the shop (I try to include him in shopping but he's not interested). Bed times are terrible, he will not stay in his bed or his room. I have tried the chair method, stroking him, comforters, the list goes on.

So, those with well behaved kids, how do you do it?!

OP posts:

User5827372728 · 31/08/2021 18:02

Following…

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 31/08/2021 18:03

Pure luck.

Whybirdwhy · 31/08/2021 18:03

Also following.....

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Families

TheGriffle · 31/08/2021 18:04

Also here as I have 2 feral children and would love to know how the ones with the well behaved ones managed it!

Sweetpea84 · 31/08/2021 18:04

Following my 5 year old is feral and loud..

AwFeebs · 31/08/2021 18:04

Watching with interest...

MedusasBadHairDay · 31/08/2021 18:05

Oh 3 is not a fun age, my kids are now little angels (in public at least) but they certainly weren't at that age. It does get better though.

Tataru · 31/08/2021 18:06

At that age? Almost entirely just temperament. Just keep on plugging on!

Sweetpea84 · 31/08/2021 18:07

@MedusasBadHairDay

Oh 3 is not a fun age, my kids are now little angels (in public at least) but they certainly weren't at that age. It does get better though.

Does it? Mines 5 and still at it. Does it come down to personality?

allycat4 · 31/08/2021 18:07

It's a difficult age but... I've always given mine genuine consequences. Once removed a stropping DS from a birthday party then and there.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 31/08/2021 18:07

My small children are largely pretty well behaved (touch wood) and I don’t take much credit for that at all. I’ve never had to train behaviour that extreme out of them so my theory is that it’s their in built personality. I’m not saying that to sound like a smug twat, more to reassure you that it’s probably chance what kind of nature they all have and you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Those characteristics will probably stand your son in good stead as he gets older anyway. My beautifully behaved, passive and gentle four year old isn’t great in some situations, very sensitive and easily led and I do worry about that as he starts school. I’m sure with all that you’re doing your child will turn out beautifully and you will look back and tell yourself not to worry. You sound like a great mum.

Hungry675tf · 31/08/2021 18:08

Mine is also feral. Yesterday I thought I could take him into a shop for two minutes whilst I returned an item. Usually I put him in the pram because he is a runner. He had lulled me I to a false sense of security and immediately began running away, hiding, laughing, pulling things off shelves. He was thrilled with himself. It was awful.

montymum · 31/08/2021 18:08

A lot has to do with the child's personality I think. My first was extremely hard work and age 9 he still is. My younger two are the easiest, most well behaved children you could wish for. All have had the same expectations and boundaries from us.

PhoboPhobia · 31/08/2021 18:10

I also think it’s a really hard age and a bit of a slog.

I always swore by ‘How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk’. Not completely toddler specific but I found it a good basis for general parenting. No kids are well behaved all the time so don’t be looking for perfection!

I bet he’s lovely 😊

FatCatThinCat · 31/08/2021 18:11

Pure skill at parenting.

I wish. DS is an absolute angel, always has been. It's his nature. He strives to be a 'good boy' and any hint that he may not be is enough to correct him.

DD on the other hand was an absolute nightmare and is lucky to have made it to adulthood. Naturally defiant, stubborn. Nothing had any effect on improving her behaviour apart from growing up and realising what an absolute little shit she'd been.

Branleuse · 31/08/2021 18:12

In the olden days they used to manage this by beating compliance into them and the spirit out of them, but im not sure what you can do now, as im pretty sure bribery, blackmail and raising your voice is also damaging to them.
I think a lot of it is luck

Tataru · 31/08/2021 18:12

@PhoboPhobia

I also think it’s a really hard age and a bit of a slog.

I bet he’s lovely 😊

There's a specific toddler version now! I find it really helpful for avoiding tantrums and chaos.

Paramummy3 · 31/08/2021 18:12

Ahhhh……luck. I was so smug with my first (not outwardly, just to myself) as he was such a good child.

Then my wild second born came along. I did nothing differently. They are utterly feral. Turns out I wasn’t nailing it first time round!!

PepsiHoover · 31/08/2021 18:12

He's not badly behaved. He just doesn't want to do what you want him to do.

The only advice i can give is that you need to tie your flight risk child down. Take a pushchair when you go shopping or put him in the trolley. At night, put a stairgate on his bedroom door.

Ignore as much of the tantrums as much as possible. Pick them up, put them somewhere safe (like a bedroom with a stairgate or a pushchair) and leave them to calm down. Don't attempt to negotiate while they're having a tantrum. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Preempt the tantrums as much as possible. Don't let them get tired or hungry. Give them warnings for when change is happening. Tell him we're going to the shop in five minutes, three minutes, one minute. Give them choices and power when you can, so let them choose between two outfits when the get dressed etc. Understand their feelings and talk to them about it. I know you're sad about leaving the park but we need to go now.

Breath and accept that they will grow out of it eventually. In all honesty, my approach hasn't changed much now my kids are 6 and 8. They are given space to calm down. Then we talk.

daysofmuffins · 31/08/2021 18:14

Be firm, but fair. Show them boundaries. Don't be afraid to raise your voice (never nastily) sometimes when necessary. Overall be nice and demonstrate good behaviour yourself. But the age is a lot to do with it, 3 year olds are never easy!

PepsiHoover · 31/08/2021 18:14

BTW, my kids are still prone to tantrums now. So mine aren't perfect. But I can deal with them without losing my shit.

Usual2usual · 31/08/2021 18:16

Both of mine are well behaved.....now.

At three DD was totally feral, DS has always been good and quiet.

It's just luck and often they grow out of those type of behaviours.

WartyToad · 31/08/2021 18:16

Does it get better/ easier? Mine are wild despite calm, loving, consistent parenting.

They are loud, cheeky, boisterous, tantrumming runners .

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/08/2021 18:17

Luck!
Although bedtimes I’m pretty harsh- I don’t play with my sleep, I’m not sitting patting a 3yr old to bed- super nanny style tears but always return to bed with little convo

SaveTheUnicorns · 31/08/2021 18:18

I have one of each. Eldest (9) pretty much always an absolute joy and always has been, helps out whenever he can, enjoys chatting and will try anything, always open to anything suggested and always the first to be invited for playdates with his friends and outings with other parents, teachers ask him to mentor disruptive kids, so polite etc.

Youngest (6) is feral. Adore the bones of her wildness and the fact she stands her ground and how kind she can be when it suits and not usually to me but oh my lord she was sent to test me. Tantrums, tells me I'm not pretty meanest thing she knows and can I get her to do something she doesn't want to/feed the animals/do chores? Can I buggery. Hits me on occasion too.

It's all an absolute fluke. But wouldn't change either of them really

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