To those with well behaved children...

[hettysfeather]

What the hell is your secret?!

My (almost) three year old DS is feral. I spend so much time with him, get him involved in everything I do and we have a sticker chart. I praise him every time he displays a positive behaviour. He also gets rewards when he has been "good".

But he does not listen, he hits, bites and pinches when he doesn't get his way or he's cross. Runs around and away from me in the shop (I try to include him in shopping but he's not interested). Bed times are terrible, he will not stay in his bed or his room. I have tried the chair method, stroking him, comforters, the list goes on.

So, those with well behaved kids, how do you do it?!

Have you tried magic brownies?

It’s just down to luck and the personality of the child.

Ds was like your child. He was a terrible toddler and still a bit of a horror at school (but not home) until he was 6. He’s 19 now and strong headed - but nice. He’s never been one for peer pressure, always had the confidence to do his own thing.

I was so lucky with dd. She is 7 and has always been wonderful. Always been polite and does so well at school. Everyone loves her. But she does have ds confidence and so far, peer pressure doesn’t bother her.

My just turned one year old dd is just like her brother was at this age, so I’m bracing myself.

All parented exactly the same.

Not read any replies yet but my 5 Yr old DD is a genuinely delightful child and always has been. She's a natural rule follower and I don't think I've ever had to tell her off (so far! 🤞). It's clearly just her temperament because 18 month old DS is literally feral. He hits, bites, scratches and launches himself from A to B without a care in the world.

I've been parenting him in the exact same way as I have her and it's clearly a luck and personality thing.

3 year old is a very young age to be expected to behave all the time.
When he's punching, biting whatever it is, it's his way of showing he's frustrated.
I know little ones can push our buttons, but the calmer you are with him, the calmer he will become, always listen to him, always give him the time to try and explain why he's doing what he's doing.

Speak to your health visitor or GP, maybe let them make some suggestions.
Good luck OP

There's no magic solution, but I do think that 3 year olds in general (and perhaps boys in particular) need to have several hours a day running around and playing outside in the open air, whatever the weather. This really does make a difference.

Bribe them. Dd is always nice if I have smarties

I've only got one so I'm not as experienced as some of you. But I think yes luck but also picking your battles. I was strict with manners and bedtime and the rest of it I was relaxed about.

I also think boys are like dogs and need two good walks a day otherwise they behave badly.

Plus yes the use of the reins. I used to bring them with me all the time and if DS stepped out of line I would threaten to put him back in them.

I have a well behaved child. It is great. So easy. All my teaching strategies work or most often do not have to be used...

Both my children are autistic.

Every time he hit/pinched/bit I would say ouch that hurts and remove him immediately from what he was doing if playing. Outside of when he was actually doing it I’d try to incorporate some books eg teeth are not for biting and similar. If possible I’d try to catch his hand if he was about to smack or pinch me and say no loudly then remove him from the toys.

For running off in public I’d have him on a leash, so as not to even give the chance. I think so much of good behaviour is just removing the opportunity for bad behaviour.

Bedtimes I’m afraid I’ve no real experience, I still let mine in my bed now! I just didn’t have the energy by that time of the night.

He's 3.

They all have different personalities. Not a lot you can do about that.

Give it time.

I know it's hard chin up.

(Mother of 2 well behaved children- not read all the posts but ignore any saying it's you).

@Kanaloa

Every time he hit/pinched/bit I would say ouch that hurts and remove him immediately from what he was doing if playing. Outside of when he was actually doing it I’d try to incorporate some books eg teeth are not for biting and similar. If possible I’d try to catch his hand if he was about to smack or pinch me and say no loudly then remove him from the toys.

For running off in public I’d have him on a leash, so as not to even give the chance. I think so much of good behaviour is just removing the opportunity for bad behaviour.

Those books are brilliant actually! Ds went through a hitting stage when he was just 3 and we bought "hands are not for hitting". He more or less stopped hitting straight away. He sometimes does, usually if he is very tired and frustrated but when he has calmed down he remembers himself that hands are not for hitting and suggests other things he could do instead!

Mm my friend was always complimented as a child on how well she and her sister behaved ( church. Pastors kids) but the reason they ‘behaved’ was because if they didn’t they’d get the slipper.

Point is no child is well behaved all the time and nor should they be ( mine definitely aren’t )

we only see a snapshot of other people lives. The ‘well behaved’ kids you see might be feral in other situations

Personally I think it’s genetics luck and/ or parenting styles.

Your 3 year old’s Personality can be impacted by their environment including diet, adversity, supports, etc
If you haven’t already you have nothing to lose by checking for food intolerances and doing a 2 week diet that has all necessary food groups but eliminates hidden ‘natural’ food additives like 160b in yoghurt, preservatives/additives in bread & other foods and is low in foods with natural salicylates.
www.fedup.com.au/images/stories/SCaggression.pdf

Genuine consequences and follow through with them. I see empty threats SO often and it creates feral children.

Stair gates on bedroom toddler reigns in my pocket if you run off im putting the baby reigns on you usually did the trick with my daughter i also bribed my daughter with bread she loved it so walk around tesco nicely and I will buy you a bread roll which she would eat with relish on the way home (no butter just a bread roll)

DD is mostly good but has tricky phases now and again.

My one tip at 3 is tons and tons of exercise: walks (2-3 miles), climbing trees/playgrounds, running around after a ball, chasing each other.

DD needs exercising just like a dog IMO!

Dc1 absolutely perfect behaviour the model child. DC2 nightmare. Couldn't work out why but did literally everything that he shouldn't. Hardly slept either.
Nearly killed ourselves trying to 'discipline' him with all the usual methods and did parenting courses. Constant criticism from everyone and so on. Caused untold trauma to him really as it turned out he had ADHD.
If I could turn back time I would have done things a lot differently if we'd have considered this. We can manage his behaviour these days and as he has matured so can he. I also generally ignore the tuts and disapproving looks. Once you master that you care less.