Relationship ended but not what I want :(

[ccat1901]

My partner of 9 years has just told me that he loves me but not in a romantic way anymore. I asked if we could try the sexual side again and he said he doesn't feel it and that he doesn't want any counselling. I am going through the menopause and we talked and I was depressed for much of last year so our sex life suffered. I started new vitamins and now I feel great and was up for sex but that is when this happened and he wanted to end things. We live together with my 2 children my 15 year old has autism) and his 16 year old daughter (who has suffered mentally when with her mother). He wants us to live together and nothing change apart from not being a couple. He said he wants to go to the gym and try yoga and hang out with me as I'm his best friend and wants us to be closer than before. I'm absolutely devastated - I love him and want him but he blankly said no. We can't cause the kids upheaval at the moment with exams and final years in school but do you think spending "more quality time together than before" as he said means he may change his mind? Or is he saying this to soften the blow? I'm so confused and sad.

Hi yes we have CAMHS he.spoke to them and told them he didn't need help, he refuses any help, keeps saying he doesn't need help but he does bribery doesn't work we have tried everything.

Have you tried a comic strip? It was always very useful for us as we could say “why doesn’t the boy want to go to school?” , “what is he feeling?”
If he has an EHC plan he should have a key worker at the school.
Does he have a friend his age that goes to the same school?
My son has some PDA traits so for him if he won’t do something that is required he is given a choice of 2 things - this means there is reduced demand and gives him control to make a decision.
There are some great autism/PDA groups on Facebook that maybe able to offer more advice?

Just another thought, maybe he would be open to a gradual return to school - so start with just registration, then registration and lesson one etc.
My son has a safe place to go if he feels overwhelmed and can not communicate how he is feeling, this was introduced a few years ago when he would run from a lesson and hide in school and I would have to come in and find him and get him back to class.
If they can provide him with a safe space/classroom just for him when he feels
Things are too much, maybe that would help?

I’m sure he has a EHC but has never been given a keyworker, we have suggested just going in for registration an gradually building it up, but he just says what’s the point. He refuses any help at all, I feel I just want to give up but I know I can’t. X

He should have an EHC plan which is reviewed annually but you as a parent can request a review at any time. The school need to keep to the EHC as this is a legal document and technically you could take them to court if they don’t follow what has been agreed.
I’d request a review of the plan along with steps to get your son back to school. We had an expert from our local “Communication and Interaction” team which are part of the Devon 0-25 SEN offering. It maybe worth some research into your LEA to see what other organisations could get involved/help.
Don’t give up, it’s so hard I know - I used to dread the phone ringing as it meant he had had a meltdown or had disappeared or there had been an incident with another pupil, but we are on an even keel now (fingers crossed).
What about home schooling , would that be an option? Didn’t work for us in lockdown but I know many local families with children with special needs that homeschool

Homeschooling isn’t a option as he didn’t do it during lockdown, we have a meeting with school nurse and attendance officer on Monday I’m gonna bring up the EHC, do you know what it stand for? We have something called Early Help Assessment will that be the same thing??

Education Health and Care Plan.
It should list all the challenges your son has at school and their plan to overcome these. Also what you and he want him to achieve and how it can be done.
This is reviewed each year but you can request a review at anytime if you feel there is an issue.
My son has 1 to 1 for each lesson with 3/4 different TA’s one of which is his key worker.
He doesn’t always need a TA (teaching assistant) but they are in class anyway.
Our EHC plan has had many changes over the years

Thank you for your advise I’m gonna bring that up in the next meeting and see what they have to say.