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Original poster

DS waiting to meet with “friends”

173 replies

condensationwindows · 22/08/2021 08:42

DS is in the cadets. He joined at Easter and loves it. The main units are in the City which is about a 25 minute drive from where we live. The unit DS attends is smaller, in our local town which is 10 minutes away.

There was a week long camp in the summer holidays which he went to and made new friends from the bigger unit and some of the other smaller units combined. He loved it and they are now in touch over x box, WhatsApp etc.

DS came to me late last night and asked me to take him to the City to meet with his friends. I’ve never met these cadets before.

I said no as I don’t have anything to do in the city and I am not prepared to drive 25 minutes home to go back for him later in the day. I have things to do today although nothing that couldn’t wait.

He is upset he can’t go.

He was 13 in May.

Can I ask at what age you would do this for your kids? Am I being over protective? We live in a rural village so he does rely on us taking him places, in and out of school etc so I am aware he doesn’t get as much freedom as children who are from the city or even our local town get.

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 22/08/2021 08:45

I would do it.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 22/08/2021 08:46

So what’s the answer then?

He’ll never be able to go and meet friends in the city because you don’t want to accommodate it? You sort of say it’s because of his age and you don’t know these boys but then make it sound like you can’t be arsed to drive him in and collect.

KittenKong · 22/08/2021 08:47

25 min drive? Oh go on... we live in London and often it was a 1hr+ Drive to drop ds off at the other side of town. It’s good for them to mix!

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Bluntness100 · 22/08/2021 08:48

Wow, well I’d have done it too. What’s your real reason? As smidgeon said on one side you say because of his age, which is totally unreasonable and then on the other you say because you can’t be arsed to help him.

sherrystrull · 22/08/2021 08:48

I'd take him and wouldn't think twice about the length of the drive.

StarryStarrySocks · 22/08/2021 08:48

I think you're being a bit mean. It's only an hour out of your day to take him and collect him.

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 22/08/2021 08:49

It’s only 25 mins drive? Yes let him. Is there a bus? I was allowed to go on the bus to the city centre 40 mins away from around age 11. Does he have a mobile?

DueyCheatemAndHow · 22/08/2021 08:49

I think that's a bit harsh. We live fairly rurally and knew that it would mean being a taxi service. It wasn't his choice to live where he does.

Palavah · 22/08/2021 08:49

I think you're being a bit mean.

PeasPeasPeasAreGoodForYou · 22/08/2021 08:49

I would do it yes.
I drive that to my mums, I would just come back home tbh if I didn't have anything to do and go back for him later.

KittenKong · 22/08/2021 08:50

Are you are worried about the kids - that would be my niggle, not the drive.

Scabetty · 22/08/2021 08:50

I would have helped get him there tbh.

Mydogisagentleman · 22/08/2021 08:50

I would do it without a second thought.
We live in Norfolk, public transport is appalling and consequently either me or DH drive our daughter around.
She’s normally at university but home for the holidays now.
She has a job in a pub that she can get to, but not back from. Her last bus would be at 6.30 pm.
We all need to make sacrifices if you live rurally

OxanaVorontsova · 22/08/2021 08:50

I’d do it happily, and did for my daughters at a similar age.

rattlemehearties · 22/08/2021 08:51

This is why my parents moved us from the rural countryside to a small city when we turned into teens. They knew they didn't want to play taxi, so they didn't have to - we could walk! Really unreasonable to both choose to live rurally and say you won't drive your kids to meet friends, is he only allowed to do that when he's 17 with his own car?

SmidgenofaPigeon · 22/08/2021 08:51

I’m just curious on how you plan to play this for the next 5 years or so.

It sucks when you miss out on social plans because you live in the sticks and your parents are mean with lifts. I used to get the bus when I could but it stopped at 5pm!

Ozberry · 22/08/2021 08:51

I’d do it. If you chose to live rurally, taxiing teens is part of the package.

Keladrythesaviour · 22/08/2021 08:51

It's only 25minutes Confused We also live rurally and it takes 20minutes to get to the supermarket. I think when you live rurally you have to be preoare to do journeys for your kids as you can't expect them not to mix or have different experiences until they're 17and driving (assuming they can afford a car!) If you let him get bored and frustrated at home he will turn to bad behaviour, there's a reason rural communities often have a teenage drug problem - they're bored!

If you were busy and it was a last minute request, fair enough, but you've said yourself nothing couldnt be out off and at the end of the day you'd still have most of the day free!

GuckGuckDoose · 22/08/2021 08:52

Eh? Where’s the issue? It’s 25 min, not 2.5 hours…

FuckingFabulous · 22/08/2021 08:52

If you live in a rural village, get used to driving your kids to more urban places so they can socialise. Or buying them a bus or train card and making sure they know how to use it. I grew up in a lovely little village and I travelled an hour to the nearest town to meet my friends as often as I could. I would have been very lonely and bored indeed if I couldn't. It's important for social development that he be able to socialise away from his home and parents

bobandhisburgers · 22/08/2021 08:52

I grew up in a rural village with parents who refused to take me anywhere to meet up with friends. All my friends lived 15-20 miles away as the local schools shipped people into the village schools. As a result I suffered greatly with loneliness, isolation & depression. I moved out as soon as was old enough.

25 mins drive to give you child a social life is nothing in the real world. I don't think you're being 'overprotective', you're not doing it to protect him, you're doing it because you can't be arsed to drive an hour or so for your kid.

Ducksurprise · 22/08/2021 08:52

So going into year 9?

Yes I would do it, being a taxi is the trade off for being rural, it can be a total pita (and I certainly drink less these days) but if there is no public transport I think its only fair to take them. That's not to say you have to be a pushover, you can still have limits for example 4pm is the latest I will collect on a regular Sunday so they plan around that .

Shapesorted · 22/08/2021 08:52

I think if you choose to live rurally with teens then this is the trade off. Anything else is very unfair on them.

Original poster
condensationwindows · 22/08/2021 08:53

Thanks everyone. It’s not the drive at all. It’s not knowing the kids.

Sorry if it came over that I wasn’t willing to drive. Of course I am.

I know my concerns come from where we live.

No buses where we live on a Sunday.

OP posts:
Groovee · 22/08/2021 08:53

I would do it. My children are lucky we have good transport links and have regularly travelled themselves to meet friends.