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Original poster

DS waiting to meet with “friends”

173 replies

condensationwindows · 22/08/2021 08:42

DS is in the cadets. He joined at Easter and loves it. The main units are in the City which is about a 25 minute drive from where we live. The unit DS attends is smaller, in our local town which is 10 minutes away.

There was a week long camp in the summer holidays which he went to and made new friends from the bigger unit and some of the other smaller units combined. He loved it and they are now in touch over x box, WhatsApp etc.

DS came to me late last night and asked me to take him to the City to meet with his friends. I’ve never met these cadets before.

I said no as I don’t have anything to do in the city and I am not prepared to drive 25 minutes home to go back for him later in the day. I have things to do today although nothing that couldn’t wait.

He is upset he can’t go.

He was 13 in May.

Can I ask at what age you would do this for your kids? Am I being over protective? We live in a rural village so he does rely on us taking him places, in and out of school etc so I am aware he doesn’t get as much freedom as children who are from the city or even our local town get.

OP posts:
Goingdriving · 22/08/2021 09:43

Oh a Girl!!! How exciting!!!! Definitely the Lynx. All he needs is a chat about respect and consent and he’s on his way!

EarringsandLipstick · 22/08/2021 09:43

[quote JEdgarHoover]@EarringsandLipstick cheer up, it’s a 13 year old off to meet a girl in town on a Sunday, not off to a swingers party. And OP didn’t know it was a girl so she couldn’t have shared that information[/quote]
Sorry?

Why do I need to cheer up? What a sarky reply.

I absolutely would be checking in with my DS or DD about meeting with a girl / boy alone for (presumably) the first time. Making sure they were ok, and having a chat about what was acceptable.

You may do differently but that's how I parent & think it's a good way to be.

Original poster
condensationwindows · 22/08/2021 09:44

@Goingdriving

Oh a Girl!!! How exciting!!!! Definitely the Lynx. All he needs is a chat about respect and consent and he’s on his way!
Thank you. Yes I'll certainly be having a chat with him on the way.
OP posts:

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Families
Lulu1919 · 22/08/2021 09:52

I'd take him .....but maybe say two hours for example ...then I'd stay in city have a mooch and a coffee ...if you don't want to double the driving .

Rachie1973 · 22/08/2021 09:56

@condensationwindows

I also said it’s kids I don’t know and have never met before.
He’s in senior school, you need to get used to not knowing all his friends now.
MrsEricBana · 22/08/2021 09:57

I would take him too. Just to go against the grain re cadets, in our school loads joined it at the start of year 9 because "it would be good for them" etc, which it was, BUT very quickly all the sporty, sociable ones dropped out to focus on sport and academia, leaving an odd mix of very unusual kids who did unusual meet ups often involving older cadets and more alcohol than the younger ones would have necessarily had access to etc. I'm not saying all CCF is like this but at our school it wouldn't have been correct to say that the cadets were the least likely to be tricky. I'm not saying whether ds stayed or left BTW!
In your shoes I would be much happier that it was a girl he was meeting and I also agree with others that "ferrying" when you don't necessarily want to is part of parenting.

sadperson16 · 22/08/2021 09:57

13? he would have been working at 14 in the not so recent past.

TonTonMacoute · 22/08/2021 10:01

Ha ha OP, exactly this happened with our DS nearly 10 years ago when he was that age.

We drove him in to Plymouth and left them to it for a few hours. We knew that the girl's father was an ex Royal Marine, and that he was also around somewhere! It was all very sweet and innocent, I think they just mooched around the shopping centre looking in shops and having a coffee.

Hope your DS has a good time.

Outbutnotoutout · 22/08/2021 10:02

[quote nimbuscloud]@Outbutnotoutout
If you read the op’s posts you will see there is no bus on Sundays.[/quote]
Ah, well in that case he could cycle or met her another day 🤷‍♀️

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 22/08/2021 10:02

Thats seriously harsh. If you live in a village you have to drive your kids everywhere - thats the law isn't it?

JEdgarHoover · 22/08/2021 10:03

@EarringsandLipstick I told you to cheer up because, as per usual, you’re intent on knocking the OP. She’s given some positive updates but you still have to be negative and question her parenting.

viques · 22/08/2021 10:03

@condensationwindows

Thank you everyone. I’m going to take him.
Brilliant! I hope he has a great time and that you find something to occupy yourself with for a couple of hours while you wait. A nice lunch somewhere would be my choice! Though obviously no wine Sad
workwoes123 · 22/08/2021 10:03

I grew up rurally, and left home as soon as I could for this - and other - reasons. Both my sister and I live city centre now.

My oldest DS is 13, he's been meeting up with friends in parks etc for a couple of years now. I don't know most of them beyond their names - he's made lots of friends since going up to secondary and I don't know them or their parents. What we did with DS when he started going out to meet friends was to talk about appropriate behaviour (both himself and with the group) and keeping himself safe, agreements on when he would be home and how we'd keep in touch with him, making sure he had his phone charged, what he should do if specific situations arise etc. He's had one or two tricky situations but nothing major. It's part of growing up.

5zeds · 22/08/2021 10:06

I agree with PP bike/walk/bu or schedule meet ups for when transport is available.

Subbaxeo · 22/08/2021 10:06

At 13 why would you want to know the kids? Once they get to high school they’ll be making all sorts of friends you can’t vet. Can’t you trust him a little to make up his own mind about who he wants to be friends with? If they’re cadets (my son was one), they’re highly unlikely yo be delinquents.

Subbaxeo · 22/08/2021 10:07

Read the update-he’ll be so happy, op.

MissKeithsNeice · 22/08/2021 10:09

Good work OP.

Worth noting that once you trusted him, he shared more info with you.

Ellmau · 22/08/2021 10:10

Well done, OP, glad you changed your mind. But suggest to him that for future dates meetups, he'd better pick a Saturday and get the bus ;)

ArabellaScott · 22/08/2021 10:11

@Ozberry

I’d do it. If you chose to live rurally, taxiing teens is part of the package.
Yep. Your DS needs to socialise. Is there no public transport?
ArabellaScott · 22/08/2021 10:11

Sorry, have now RTFT.

Hope he has fun!

JimandPam · 22/08/2021 10:13

[quote JEdgarHoover]@EarringsandLipstick I told you to cheer up because, as per usual, you’re intent on knocking the OP. She’s given some positive updates but you still have to be negative and question her parenting.[/quote]
I think that's a bit of a sweeping statement and unfair. I was on a thread last night where @EarringsandLipstick was one of the few championing the OP and sticking up for her.

All she said was she'd have a chat about it now it's a member of the opposite sex. And the Op in this instance has said the same, that's she's going to do just that.

OP, glad you're taking him and hope he has fun.

EverybodyIsInteresting · 22/08/2021 10:13

I would absolutely do it.

And of course it came across like you weren't willing to drive.

You specifically said I said no as I don’t have anything to do in the city and I am not prepared to drive 25 minutes home to go back for him later in the day. I have things to do today although nothing that couldn’t wait

EverybodyIsInteresting · 22/08/2021 10:14

Oooh, I could have sworn the thread was only one page long when I clicked on it! It's moved on since then.

Good shout op!

Plumtree391 · 22/08/2021 10:15

If you don't take him, you never will get to know the friends.

bigbaggyeyes · 22/08/2021 10:22

If ever my dd (13) goes to someone's house who I don't know she has to give me that persons address and the mums telephone number.

My dd also met up with a boy for a walk recently and it was his mum that contacted me to check.

I don't think it's unreasonable to have the parents number and have a quick convo at the very least. Especially as you're dropping him off in a city he doesn't know well