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Original poster

DS waiting to meet with “friends”

173 replies

condensationwindows · 22/08/2021 08:42

DS is in the cadets. He joined at Easter and loves it. The main units are in the City which is about a 25 minute drive from where we live. The unit DS attends is smaller, in our local town which is 10 minutes away.

There was a week long camp in the summer holidays which he went to and made new friends from the bigger unit and some of the other smaller units combined. He loved it and they are now in touch over x box, WhatsApp etc.

DS came to me late last night and asked me to take him to the City to meet with his friends. I’ve never met these cadets before.

I said no as I don’t have anything to do in the city and I am not prepared to drive 25 minutes home to go back for him later in the day. I have things to do today although nothing that couldn’t wait.

He is upset he can’t go.

He was 13 in May.

Can I ask at what age you would do this for your kids? Am I being over protective? We live in a rural village so he does rely on us taking him places, in and out of school etc so I am aware he doesn’t get as much freedom as children who are from the city or even our local town get.

OP posts:
QueenofLouisiana · 22/08/2021 09:02

From this age, you often don’t know the people your children make friends with- it’s not like primary school when you know all the families. I think I’ve met DS’s friends about 5 times in 3 years (TBF lockdown hasn’t helped here).

As a PP said, Cadets are likely to be reasonable kids and I think the DC need a bit of help to get out and about now. There’s been a lot of time at home being cosseted, they need a bit of time to start stretching their wings.

MoiraNotRuby · 22/08/2021 09:03

But you said no to DS based on driving.

So how about saying, actually yes, but 'as these are new friends and first time you've done this, I will stay in the city whilst you are there and you can call or text me anytime to change the plans/leave early.'

OxanaVorontsova · 22/08/2021 09:03

Why let him go on the camp if you won’t then let him meet up with his new friends? You didn’t know them all before the camp either.

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Oceanbliss · 22/08/2021 09:03

@condensationwindows if you are worried about not knowing the kids could you contact the cadet leaders and ask them if they are trustworthy, get along well with your son, any concerns etc in letting your son hang out with them in the city unsupervised?

EarringsandLipstick · 22/08/2021 09:03

Sorry if it came over that I wasn’t willing to drive. Of course I am.

Well of course it did, as you said:

I said no as I don’t have anything to do in the city and I am not prepared to drive 25 minutes home to go back for him later in the day. I have things to do today although nothing that couldn’t wait.

In relation to this

I also said it’s kids I don’t know and have never met before.

What's the issue? Why have you concerns about them? You ask him their plans, where they'll go & make arrangements about timing, money & where you'll meet. You can ask him to send you a text to check in at a certain point.

Talk about changing your story when you didn't like the replies 🙄

SmidgenofaPigeon · 22/08/2021 09:03

OP actually does now say she’s going to take him.

Galassia · 22/08/2021 09:04

If there is no public transport of course I would drive him in and collect later on.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 22/08/2021 09:05

DD is just 14. I think you need to let go just a little.

As others have said, the kids are in Cadets so are unlikely to be the trouble makers of the school.

He's reached the stage where you won't know his friends but have to start trusting him. What have his friendships been like so far? Has he previously chosen to hang around with the risk takers or has he chosen kids pretty much with the same values as him?

Letting them go and hang out with kids you've never met us scary but it was always going to happen and what's the alternative? He stays home bored and resentful?

EarringsandLipstick · 22/08/2021 09:07

@SmidgenofaPigeon

OP actually does now say she’s going to take him.
Saw that after I posted, was typing my reply as she posted.
Ylvamoon · 22/08/2021 09:07

@condensationwindows is there a bus he could take from the smaller town? (And you drop him off at the bus stop?)
Then you only need to do the 25min drive at pick up?
We do this with out DC, they have to work out how/when to get there, but always have a lift home.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 22/08/2021 09:08

Thank you everyone. I’m going to take him

Cross posted with your update. I'm glad you're taking him.

I think it might be the start of him wanting to do this more regularly so be prepared for that. We've done a similar drive every day this week so far Smile

WeatherwaxLives · 22/08/2021 09:11

I'm glad you're taking him, I was feeling really sorry for him.

I lived rurally at his age and my parents worked odd hours so often weren't available for lifts. I went to friends houses straight from school, and went out from there. DPs did give me lifts when they could, and would drop me off outside a friend's house or in town, but from 13 on I honestly don't think they met or even saw any of the new friends I'd made. Friends never came to my house because it was boring in the middle of nowhere and my parents understandably didn't want kids around if they weren't there.

I used to catch the bus to the nearest city (about an hour away) with various friends from 13 onwards and be out all day.

JovialNickname · 22/08/2021 09:14

I'm glad you're taking him, I do think it's the right thing to do.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 22/08/2021 09:14

Surely he joined cadets to meet other kids? I would be delighted that he'd made new friends like this.

Original poster
condensationwindows · 22/08/2021 09:15

I think I also need to teach him about getting the bus. We don’t have one in our village but we do in town.

He’s just told me it’s a girl he’s wanting to meet. I’ve told him to get in the shower and get the lynx Africa out.

OP posts:
dottydodah · 22/08/2021 09:16

25 mins is hardly a "long drive".I think this goes with the territory of having teenagers surely? We have driven our DC all over the place! I would do it willingly .Unless you want him glued to the X box all Summer.

PurpleCloak · 22/08/2021 09:18

Glad you are taking him. I grew up with parents who would never take me anywhere or let me have any independence. It completely messed me up socially and I struggle massively even now.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 22/08/2021 09:18

They are always going to have friends you have never met. Ds1 had a best friend from the start of year 7, I finally met him on the last day of year 7 when I picked Ds up from the milkshake cafe they all went to after school.

At secondary they all seem to live in completely opposite directions, some get a bus. I know you are taking your son but he is 13 not 6. Just give him instructions on what to do if he feels uncomfortable and wants to get out of a situation. That he can feign a headache and you will come and get him no matter what.

ufucoffee · 22/08/2021 09:19

You've chosen to live in a rural village meaning him getting anywhere himself is difficult. I always feel sorry for children who live in the sticks. Take him to meet his new friends.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 22/08/2021 09:19

If it is a girl then hopefully you have talked about consent, I am not talking about them having sex, but holding hands or hugging etc, checking everything is okay.

diddl · 22/08/2021 09:19

25mins by itself isn't a long drive, but it needs to be done 4 times.

Sundays are probably a pita for buses, but he certainly needs to get one as close as possible when he can to cut down the ferrying about.

borntobequiet · 22/08/2021 09:20

Change your plans and take him. Have a day out yourself, there will be things to do. You might even enjoy it.

sonjadog · 22/08/2021 09:20

Yes, take him. This is part of parenting teens when you live rurally. You will be spending the next years running him about places! As for not knowing these friends, again that is the way it is when children become teens. You won't know everyone and their families well.

borntobequiet · 22/08/2021 09:20

Oh I see you’re going to take him, good.

Dontjudgeme101 · 22/08/2021 09:21

I am so glad that you are taking him.

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