If you are in your 40s/50s with no children…

[AnaViaSalamanca]

What is your life like? How do you spend the bulk of your free time?

Mid/late 30s here. Most friends have kids or are trying for. I have no desire. In fact the thought of having children makes me anxious but wondering about the alternative

I work part-time, we foster rescued dogs, I do jigsaws to chill out, watch a bit of TV, potter in the garden, meet up with friends, go to London occasionally to meet a friend and stay over, visit our families, go to the theatre, museums and gigs, snooze in the afternoon, sleep through the night.....We're child-free by choice and it's all good!

My partner and I have an extremely happy child-free life. We get to lie in and weekends and do exactly as we fancy. We can go out for meals (spontaneously!) without worrying about childcare; we can easily go for weekends away; watch what we want on telly; have loads of time for hobbies. It’s pretty blissful, if I’m honest. But that is very much because we’re childless by choice: the freedom would feel very different were that not the case.

What Lotta said. Partner and I are very happy - we both work, and he studies; we go holiday, eat out, see friends, have shared hobbies, time together and time apart. It works for us

Another happy childfree couple here

We do loads of walking, foraging, fishing, gardening, sailing, brewing, baking, reading, drinking and shagging.

Here's the thing, if you're child free by choice you're not " filling time that would otherwise be occupied by children" You're just doing ... stuff.

I know plenty of people with kids who are as thick as mince/ have no hobbies and interests, so if you took their children away they'd be sitting at home just watching loose women and eating super noodles. It's not some kind of mad binary.

I'm a naturally lazy person so very happy chilling at home at the weekends watching telly, reading the papers, cooking. I like a few drinks on a Friday night. Might go for lunch or tea the odd time, walk to the beach. I'm very content just chilling and taking it easy. The thought of having kids, sleepless nights, early mornings, constantly being on duty. No thanks!

@LadyOfTheCanyon yes I totally get it, and I do stuff now. In fact I am very busy, but Iam told constantly (by my parents, friends, society) that I would “regret it” and “what will I do with my time” etc. I think the child free lifestyle when you are older is not very much visible/discussed. You are fed a model of growing up and becoming a mum (or else striving to) that you don’t think about how the alternative looks like

Worth pointing out that I should think most of us in our 50s who do have children don't spend much of our time tending them! Realistically if you have adult dc, spending time with them whether if you're visiting them / they visit you isn't a million miles away from eg spending a weekend with friends.

Once you get to know the lives of your friends with children you'll come to realise that doing what you want when you want is an incredible luxury, and being able to be not irritated and tired frequently is simply not an option for parents. Parenting is hard. The joys of not parenting are many.

Sorry, meant to say that if you're busy now, I'm not sure that would be different as you get older. In fact, your friends with children will emerge from the other side & you'll all be on the same page again.
(I spent an evening with some very lovely early 30s friends the other day, and was painfully reminded how very child-centric conversation could be! )

Before covid: comedy clubs, fringe theatre, cinema, eating out, seeing friends.

My child free by choice friends are way busier than me, mostly having fun! Seriously they are foot lose and fancy free, tend to be higher earning than me right now as they haven't lost ten years to child rearing, they do what they want.

I was you, late 30s, looking down the barrel of not having children. By hook or by crook, I had them. I would never, ever give them up. But. Other people my age are going on long holidays, paying off their mortgages, having meaningful leisure and hobbies. I mostly don't sit down to eat till 9,30pm, have 0 hobbies, and pretty much 0 energy to do anything g other than care for kids or work. No house renovation, no new life goals. You have to really want it. If you do t want kids, that really is absolutely fine and perfectly legitimate.

Both in our 40s and happily child free. We are both home bodies and introverts so are incredibly happy in our own company/ just with each other. We vary our free time between hanging out together, having a laugh, chatting, going on country walks, playing games etc, and spending time individually on our hobbies.
We have a lot more quality couple time than most people we know, but also much more time to ourselves too. We both like to go away on our own for weekends away etc (we also love to go away together). We get up whenever we want and it is lovely to know we can have a lay in if we like. We have plenty of time to exercise and cook healthily. For us the most valuable thing Is freedom to do whatever we like (within reason of course) - we are both very laid back. And one thing we’ve both come to appreciate recently, due to various health problems, is the space and time to rest/ recover as needed without worrying about caring for a child at the same time… I get this may sound silly, but the thought of lying there in agony/ unwell for days whilst also having to feed, dress, clean another person just sounds really tough and a drain. I have been in agony, unwell for a couple of days now and have been able to rest in bed as much as i need, not worry about dinner or getting up to care for someone else. I have been able to listen to my body and give it what it needs to recover.
We also both need peace and quiet so I think we would both be much more unhappy and stressed with the sort of constant noise that children seem to bring

Oh and I also have lots of time to volunteer to causes close to my heart which I love and it’s nice to give back to those that need it

Work, hobbies, weekends away, and friends. I have plenty of friends who are also childfree, so they also have time.

I have a child, but was child free till 40 /- as in, I’d no intention of having a child — and have lots of child free friends. They do much the same as anyone else, if I’m honest — work, volunteer, travel, have fun, Purdue hobbies —maybe in some cases with more freedom to choose to quit the rat race and live simply doing what they want. One child free friend quit a high-flying job in finance when she got cancer and now teaches yoga on a remote island. (Having said that, I don’t recognise the versions of parenthood as all-consuming often painted on here — I’m not particularly different ho how I was before having DS. I quit my job and moved countries in 2019. I still need time alone.

I have a busy job, good social circle, two cats whom I adore and lots of hobbies.

We TTC 11yrs, 3 losses, 2 rounds of IVF and only the last few months have come to the realisation that being a biological mother is a very long shot! I'm at peach with this though. I'm early 40's, DH later 40's.

We have money to have meals out, friends around and entertain, walk along the beach at sunrise when we want and have a very happy, loving life. Pre-covid, we'd ski annually and usually take a 2nd or 3 holiday somewhere. We recently bought a house to do up with a huge garden, and might get a dog in time.

*At peace, not at peach!

@LadyOfTheCanyon maybe they have no energy to pursue a hobby in what little free time they do have

My aunt and uncle are childless, i their mid sixties now.

They’ve always been interested in my and my brother, had us overnights and come on holidays with us sometimes. I’m very close to them now.

My aunt spent her 40/50s working in a glam job, jetting all over the world. She’s amazing at keeping up with people and has just so many friends. She’s constantly seeing someone. She likes fashion/beauty and her garden and home are beautiful. She loves eating out. They are now retired to the coast and do walking, holidays, seeing friends. She has a caring role for her MIL, but not too much. She sometimes looks after my kids, but not too often! She loves baking/theatre/coming to London for lunch in a hotel.

My uncle potters about, he’s very sporty and loves sea swimming/golf/cycling/gardening.

Two things I’ve noticed about them - they say yes to pretty much anything. They will show up, make the effort, and so they’ve built and maintained really solid family and friend relationships.

Another thing is they love the small things. My aunt will be as thrilled by a nice walk and a coffee on the cliff top as she is on a five star holiday. I think if you need a big narrative to your life you might struggle to get that without children unless your life is especially notable on some other way.

The horrible down side is my dear uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer a year ago. My aunt will be held up by a raft of family and friends when the time comes but I know she’s already wondering how she will be happy and who will need her and love her in the same way.

The difference perhaps is they did really want children, it just didn’t happen. So she feels that keenly now.

How do you spend the bulk of your free time?

To be blunt, doing whatever the hell I want!

Cooking delicious elaborate meals for 1 then eating them whilst wearing a fancy kimono and watching reruns of Magnum PI.

I bloody love it.