If you are in your 40s/50s with no children…

[AnaViaSalamanca]

What is your life like? How do you spend the bulk of your free time?

Mid/late 30s here. Most friends have kids or are trying for. I have no desire. In fact the thought of having children makes me anxious but wondering about the alternative

I've never kept poultry but as a mother I feel I should go onto the chicken keepers board and give them my opinion ...

@Handsoffstrikesagain

gerwurtz I agree. Which is why I didn’t think it was necessary for child free people to rush to tell the OP how awful having children would be. Those comments are what originally derailed this thread.

Yep you 'agree' so much that You totally disregarded gerwurtz's post in order to insert your own point of view and criticise childfree posters. Again God this is tedious

Today I am having a lazy start on MN with coffee and a brunch of hash browns and avocado. Soon I'll head out to the gym, then a walk on the beach, nip to the supermarket, and laze about this evening with a glass of wine and reruns of greys anatomy.

@DupontsLark

I've never kept poultry but as a mother I feel I should go onto the chicken keepers board and give them my opinion ...

I work full time so most of my free time is spent doing chores, cooking, then sleeping!

OK, Handsoff, now if you would stop derailing the thread ...

I live in mainland Europe and work full-time. In my spare time I keep fit, try to improve in the foreign language of the country I'm in, read, travel and try to master my musical instrument. I adore kids but have never had any desire to have my own children and I'm deeply grateful to have never gotten pregnant with any of the losers I used to go out with.

Facebook Childfree groups - I'm sure there are some in your area.

The NotMom group on Facebook is pretty good. For non mothers whatever the reason.

@Handsoffstrikesagain what you are totally ignoring is that, for women who don't want children, parenting does look horrendous, relentlessly shite, restricting, all the negatives. We feel that young children are a burden, a tie, loud, messy and annoying. Some of us don't have good memories of our own childhood and even then didn't like children. Some of us don't like childish things. Hate Disney. Find it all dull and boring.

And that is why we don't have children. You think differently so good for you.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

kidney I was pointing out why the thread was derailed in the first place...anyway, never mind let’s move on!

Yes I know. What I don't understand is why?
No asked and it was totally contrary to the post you 'agreed' with, and irrelevant to this thread

Just another unnecessary criticism of the childfree I guess.

This has taken a bit of an odd turn

@AnaViaSalamanca my married DD is a little younger than you and is sure she doesn't ever want children. She doesn't like them either. She's having to field a lot of comments from people not understanding why. She's trying hard to be tactful but people keep pushing, and if she says they can't afford them or now isn't the right time she gets told it's never the right time.
She's trying not to say she just doesn't like kids to the proud mums among her friends for fear of offending.
We are surprised that in day and age, that people still won't see having children as a choice.

To answer your question, she and her DH work full time, they have working dogs, they camp, they socialise, they love a bit of downtime watching films/gaming etc. They are homebodies and enjoy gardening. And generally seem really happy.
If I had my time again I suspect I'd do the same (except I wouldn't want to be without them!)

@Handsoffstrikesagain

I hate Disney personally secret. I also think children can be messy, relentless, loud and annoying. We don’t think that differently at all. I was referring to free time/finances and hobbies. I specifically said that parenting is not easy. Honestly let’s stop rehashing it now and get back on topic :)

And how do you propose to do that @Handsoffstrikesagain ? When you're clearly not childfree and keep inserting your parenting experiences?

This sounds the same as couples with children do.
Read, go away, hobbies etc

@AnaViaSalamanca my married DD is a little younger than you and is sure she doesn't ever want children. She doesn't like them either. She's having to field a lot of comments from people not understanding why. She's trying hard to be tactful but people keep pushing, and if she says they can't afford them or now isn't the right time she gets told it's never the right time.
She's trying not to say she just doesn't like kids to the proud mums among her friends for fear of offending.
We are surprised that in day and age, that people still won't see having children as a choice.

It’s not surprising some people pretend they can’t have kids to escape this pressure. Even then you get have you tried IVF or just adopt.

Haha I love Disney stuff, considering a Disney cruise. Loads of child free couples go to Disney each year and love it.

I'd hate it with young kids where I'd have to go to their timetable and desires rather than my own. Happily selfish here!

@AnaViaSalamanca

Thanks all! I actually have had a look at gateway women before, and just had a quick glance again. The thing is, that looks to be more for people who couldn’t have children and now trying to come to terms with it. They seem to be so sad. Me, I don’t want children. I don’t like them! I feel dread and anxiety when I think about having kids.

Why I made this thread is that I am feeling quite alone while losing friends to the baby club. I have nothing in common with them any more. My life is same as it was five years ago but with few friends. I know for me having children is not the right thing, just need to hear stories about happy childfree choices and lifestyles

Believe it or not being child free by choice is mot talked about much.

@AnaViaSalamanca I am in exactly the same position as you OP-early thirties and single. Have decided not to have children for a variety of reasons and am very happy with my decision. Thankfully my family don't try to pressure me or anything because I can be quite fierce in my responses to that sort of thing

I am still not where I'd like to be financially and career-wise, but even now I get to do what I like when I like, and my time and money is my own. I can be self-indulgent and just enjoy myself without having to worry about being responsible for other people. There are more things I'd like to do once money allows, so hopefully the next 10/20 years will enable me to do that. There are a couple of expensive hobbies I'd like to get involved in!

In terms of your friends with children, don't write them off. Yes, their priorities have changed, but they are still the same people they were before and children aren't children forever so they will start to be able to do more as their children get older. In the meantime you might need to change what you do (swapping nights out for lunches etc), but that's okay, friendships naturally evolve.

But I will say that I would also focus on making some child free friends. Quite a few of my friends are child free by choice and we still get to have the nights out and weekends away without worry-which is nice!

@Handsoffstrikesagain

gerwurtz I agree. Which is why I didn’t think it was necessary for child free people to rush to tell the OP how awful having children would be. Those comments are what originally derailed this thread.

I agree some have perhaps gone into more detail about why they don't have children than was entirely necessary but the OP was unlikely to take offence to those given she doesn't want them. It's other posters who have got upset even though there is really no need to react defensively on a thread clearly not about explaining the advantages of parenthood.

I didn't give my own personal background about how I ended up childfree as I didn't think it was relevant and I certainly don't feel my comments about why friends drop away implied having kids is awful, rather just they are some of the reasons in my experience. Also it's what I've been told by those parent friends about how they feel, why they are unwilling to commit to future dates or cancel at short notice, talk about their children a lot or prefer to spend time with other parents who understand what they are going through. I got it, and just waited and hoped the friendships would survive. Some did, some didn't. The friends who 'came back' after a few years were the ones telling me they'd given up on a lot of the new friends found via NCT/nursery/school because there was nothing else to talk about except kids.

@AnaViaSalamanca I forgot to suggest, if there is something you really like learning, taking up study and getting a qualification is another great way to use time effectively. A friend of mine has got an art history degree, very slowly around a full time job. We have had lovely trips to galleries all over UK & Europe as she 'needed' it for 'research' i.e. excuse for a holiday. I did a work related qualification that's helped in my career, less opportunities for jollies but very worthwhile.

@Mulletsaremisunderstood

Can you imagine if I went on the pregnancy board to tell them all what a big mistake they were making, how rude would that be?!

Flip it

Imagine going on a child free focussed website, which also had parents on it because covered other issues to, and starting a thread about in on the very main talk areas (Chat) about how wonderful being pregnant is and how not being pregnant would be shit because they don’t like the inevitable piles and morning sickness.
And then being indignant when pregnant women come on and say… hey, it’s not always I like that. I loved being pregnant and never got piles or morning sickness.

Everyone entitled to post no matter their background
And everyone entitled to respond