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Original poster

If you are in your 40s/50s with no children…

206 replies

AnaViaSalamanca · 20/08/2021 21:19

What is your life like? How do you spend the bulk of your free time?

Mid/late 30s here. Most friends have kids or are trying for. I have no desire. In fact the thought of having children makes me anxious but wondering about the alternative

OP posts:
violetbunny · 21/08/2021 03:19

Get plenty of sleep and exercise.
Volunteer for a cat rescue in my spare time
Cuddle my own two beautiful kitties Smile

madroid · 21/08/2021 09:59

I suppose it comes down to whether you prefer living on your own or with a partner, or in a family.

Children don't have to be such hard work as is commonly made of them nowadays.

All the pilot parenting, over parenting and general angst surrounding bringing up children does make it seem very onerous.

But living with children can be enormous fun. Every day is a new day and you rediscover your own childhood and childish outlook with your children.

I think there's pluses and minuses for both but it is a huge part of life to not experience if you decide not to have children.

CounsellorTroi · 21/08/2021 10:31

@Crinkle77

I'm a naturally lazy person so very happy chilling at home at the weekends watching telly, reading the papers, cooking. I like a few drinks on a Friday night. Might go for lunch or tea the odd time, walk to the beach. I'm very content just chilling and taking it easy. The thought of having kids, sleepless nights, early mornings, constantly being on duty. No thanks!
I feel the same. I’m 60 so a bit older than the age range in the title. Not originally childless by choice but infertile. But am at peace with it and actually really like my life as it is now which is not unlike yours.
Reloxa · 21/08/2021 10:50

52, single, no children - not by choice really, just didn't meet anyone.

Life is good - financially fairly well off, take dream holidays, have lots of interests and hobbies. I'm also quite introverted so don't mind a whole day to myself to read and potter.

I have had to adjust various friendships along the way, as they have had children. But I've made new friendships with interesting people with similar interests. Have also had to be very self-reliant at times.

Of course you look to the 'path not taken' and think what it would have been like to have had a family - but it's not something I dwell on. This is my life, and I will make the most of it, and enjoy it.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 21/08/2021 11:01

Have a look at gateway women, different narratives do exist, and anyway the truth is you make your own life and don't have to follow a prescription, it could be anyway you want.

I might change or advance my career, but ultimately I want to work part time, not ruled out a sabbatical, and also I would do some volunteering on issues I care about, possibly foster.

GarnetsandRubies · 21/08/2021 11:09

As a parent of four I'm feeling very envious reading about what all of you childless people get up to. And how much sleep you get 🤣 my older sister doesn't have children and she loves her decision not to have any. Especially after she has seen how much I struggle at times!

Wishihadanalgorithm · 21/08/2021 11:11

Until I was 40 I was child free by choice. I had a lovely life with lots of travel, focusing on my career and freedom to do as I like. DD is now nearly 8 so I’m slowly going back to doing a lot of what I used to do when child free but taking her with us. We don’t really have babysitting options so the freedoms I used to take for granted are very much missed. Having said that, having DD has been wonderful in different ways.

I have friends my age who are child free (some single) and all have fun and very full lives. They all travel, all have great careers and have more disposable income than I do. What’s not to love?

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 21/08/2021 11:22

But living with children can be enormous fun. Every day is a new day and you rediscover your own childhood and childish outlook with your children.
I think there's pluses and minuses for both but it is a huge part of life to not experience if you decide not to have children.

I’m sure you’re right, I know a lot of very happy parents and time with my niece & nephew is great fun. But I know very well that for me, actual parenting would have been a nightmare & it’s a part of life I’m much better off without.

I work full time, I study, I do a lot of crafts, yoga & gardening, I’m looking at volunteering opportunities in the area I’ve just moved to & I go on weekend breaks every so often. Although there will probably be fewer of those when I get a cat.

Sweetchocolatecandy · 21/08/2021 11:45

@madroid

I suppose it comes down to whether you prefer living on your own or with a partner, or in a family.

Children don't have to be such hard work as is commonly made of them nowadays.

All the pilot parenting, over parenting and general angst surrounding bringing up children does make it seem very onerous.

But living with children can be enormous fun. Every day is a new day and you rediscover your own childhood and childish outlook with your children.

I think there's pluses and minuses for both but it is a huge part of life to not experience if you decide not to have children.

It depends how you define ‘fun’. I’ve spent lots of time with children over the years and I find them (mainly) loud, noisy and chaotic. I love my peace and quiet and my life really wouldn’t be suited to having them.
KidneyBeans · 21/08/2021 11:59

Childfree and also single.

I do all the same things I've always done - no idea why age is relevant??

Work, gym, sports/hobbies, pets, friends, pubs, restaurants, theatre, travel etc etc

Fo you think people in their 40s and 50s have different social, cognitive or physical abilities than people in their 30s @AnaViaSalamanca ?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/08/2021 12:07

@Sadik

Worth pointing out that I should think most of us in our 50s who do have children don't spend much of our time tending them! Realistically if you have adult dc, spending time with them whether if you're visiting them / they visit you isn't a million miles away from eg spending a weekend with friends.
Completely agree with this. I'm mid 40s and have kids. Youngest is 10 and sometimes she doesn't want to do things we do so stays at home with her elder sibling. Soon she will be old enough to leave on her own. If anything 40s and 50s are the ages when friends with children are more likely to be available as their children are less dependent. I would think 30s would be the worst age for others to be available to spend time with you. I have lots of time for friends right now and it's only going to increase.
Chikapu · 21/08/2021 12:07

*But living with children can be enormous fun. Every day is a new day and you rediscover your own childhood and childish outlook with your children.

I think there's pluses and minuses for both but it is a huge part of life to not experience if you decide not to have children*

But some of us don't want that kind of 'fun' or can find it without kids. We aren't not experiencing something we're just experiencing something different.
Children aren't for everyone and they certainly aren't the be-all and end-all of human experience.

shinynewapple21 · 21/08/2021 12:07

Before having DC late 30s we used to go on frequent weekends away walking in the UK plus foreign travel, went out for nice meals, to gigs and the theatre . We stopped a lot of those things for a while as we did theme parks, Butlins, McDonalds etc . With DC now grown we are picking up our child free life again. I imagine therefore that if we hadn't had DC we would have just carried on as we were before .

I think mentally there must be a big difference if you are child free by choice or not .

cervixuser · 21/08/2021 12:07

before Covid we would spend a shit load of time and money on travel and be able to do it outside of school holidays so much cheaper. Hobbies, weekends away, working, volunteering.

bentleydrummle · 21/08/2021 12:17

We get to lie in and weekends and do exactly as we fancy. We can go out for meals (spontaneously!) without worrying about childcare; we can easily go for weekends away; watch what we want on telly; have loads of time for hobbies. It’s pretty blissful, if I’m honest. But that is very much because we’re childless by choice: the freedom would feel very different were that not the case.

See I have 2 dc but I would hope that by the time I'm in my 50s my life will
Be similar to this given that my children will be in their mid to late 20s 🤔🤔

Monestera · 21/08/2021 12:39

Compared with my friends who have children, I seem to spend more time sleeping, reading and being at the gym. They often comment that they don't have enough time for those.

Otherwise I have days out with DP and I like to spend time with nieces and nephews that are the right age.

I have never regretted not having kids, but I do sometimes get a bit of existential anxiety that my encumbered friends don't seem to have time or energy to worry about. I think their children bring a lot of purpose to their lives that I lack.

Ashleys63 · 21/08/2021 12:52

I'm in my 50's with 4 grown up children. I have plenty of spare time now to do whatever I want, so I think the post title should really be asking what life is like for childfree women in their 30's / 40's.

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 21/08/2021 13:20

I think mentally there must be a big difference if you are child free by choice or not.

Absolutely. For me, lack of children is a positive choice. Hugely different from women who would have liked to have them.

I see nobody’s asked what non-parents are doing on Mumsnet yet…

Marni83 · 21/08/2021 13:24

By time I am in my mid forties - my two will be old enough that everything listed here… I will be able to do.

Children obviously have very different needs at different ages!

Jerseygirl12 · 21/08/2021 13:29

I’m 52 and have 3 grown up DC, my DH is 55 and we’ve both just retired. I spend my week meeting friends, going to the cinema, swimming and helping my DM who has Alzheimer’s. At the weekend I like to go on walks, to the coast, out for meals, visit new places or go to events such as theatre etc. We go on holiday once a month but this will settle to once every two to three months once we’ve got over the excitement of being able to go away again.

NinaGonk · 21/08/2021 13:38

I dont think you have children to fill your time. It's more that having kids meets an emotional need. It just depends how much you care about experiencing that or how able you are to manage without it. I had my DC in late 30s and before that I had a fair amount of comments from my family over "better hurry up if you want kids", annoying but on some level they are right, you have to jump at some point or not at all.

TheGallopingGourmet · 21/08/2021 13:49

Late 50s now. Were both able to retire in our mid 50s. Have a holiday home. Able to travel outside school holidays and take longer breaks.
Dont need a "family friendly" car.
Spend our time on holidays together and apart. Golf, DIY, gardening. Spending time with friends. Visiting cinema and local theatre.

IceLace100 · 21/08/2021 13:51

@Ashleys63

I'm in my 50's with 4 grown up children. I have plenty of spare time now to do whatever I want, so I think the post title should really be asking what life is like for childfree women in their 30's / 40's.
Agree, this seems to be the time when, for most people, having children is going to drastically affect your lifestyle.
Lottapianos · 21/08/2021 13:52

'Have a look at gateway women, different narratives do exist'

Totally agree, although those narratives can be bloody hard to find! Gateway Women, if it's new to you OP, is an online community for women who don't have children. It's a brilliant and very supportive space. At your age, with everyone around you having kids or planning to, the loneliness can be intense. I remember feeling like there was a big party going on which I hadn't been invited to!

If you feel anxious at the thought of having children, and have no interest, then DON'T HAVE THEM. Good work for starting this thread and giving thought to how your life could look like without children. There are loads of us childfree people on here, as you can see! I'm 41, and after a lot of very long and very hard thinking, I won't be having children. DP and I have a lovely home, peace and quiet, lots of sleep, a mostly healthy lifestyle, time for each other, time for friends, enough money to do pretty much anything we want. We also have worries, stresses, anxieties like everybody else. A childfree life is not some kind of paradise, but it certainly has a hell of a lot to recommend it

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/08/2021 13:54

Unless you're a committed all-night clubber, we probably do the same sorts of things as you.

Have kids if you want to have kids in the here and now. Don't have kids because you think you might regret not having them in the future. That's crazy. You can't bring a human being into the world as an insurance plan against the possibility of future regret. And there are tonnes of evidence that non-parents are just as happy as parents.