Been up all night with DD who thinks world is ending

[Iimaginethiswillbefun]

Dd has ASD she has been up all night having a meltdown. She has been watching the news. Climate change, Afghanistan she wants to die. She says the world is ending and she can’t cope. How can I reassure her.

Can someone give me some guidance on ways to talk her down.

She says we need to get guns, store food and drink. She doesn’t want brother to go to university.

I am exhausted, she is exhausted. Help!

[quote Givemebackmylilo]**@54321nought

Ahhh, you're the one who thought mental health problems weren't real.
Despite being a teacher.
Despite having experience with dyslexia.

Oh dear.

Not the brightest are you....[/quote]
You're all determined to give @54321nought lots and lots and lots of attention, aren't you? Because that will definitely put him/her off making this sort of comment in the future

DNFTTwat.

The "burning yourself out doesn't help" is about myself as an adult, and how I cope. I don't mean your daughter, she's younger and has anxiety and the world must seem like a scary place at the moment. I hope she is ok, OP.

@CorrBlimeyGG

Regarding the intentionally ignorant poster, please can people highlight their posts to the forum team? Many of us have seen their inflammatory remarks on other threads, but perhaps the team have missed them. They need to be aware that this poster does not have kind intentions at all.

Yes, and I read on another thread that they are a foster carer. I'm gobsmacked.

Can you google Hans Roslings videos? He always knew how to explain things positively by using statistics. He shows how the world is getting better as a whole, instead of only focussing on the areas that are problematic.

Not that that doesn't mean that we shouldn't take action, but just a more positive way of seeing thingsz

Plenty of good advice already. Maybe check out Stoic philosophy, which is getting to be quite popular- it encourages focus on things we can control.

You have my sympathy, Imagine; I was somewhat like that myself at your daughter's age and my son also had similar tendencies - still does. We both found ways of de-stressing and so will your daughter but it takes time. To find a way of channelling that energy positively is a good idea.

It's great that she cares about issues and you sound like a smashing mum. Concentrate on peaceful protests rather than thinking in terms of guns and Armageddon.

Hi
Thank you for all your words of advice I’m at work now so will go through them in detail later.

We are quite a low income family so private therapy isn’t really an option.

It’s not as easy as keep her off the news. I’m at work during the day so I can’t really control what she is looking at between about 7am and 6pm.

She hypes herself up during the day sending me numerous messages and then I deal with the fall out when I get home.

I wish things were different, I wish I could work from home, be more present for her etc and I feel guilty enough that I can’t do these things.

I'm autistic and I remember staying up all night terrified and crying when the first gulf war was happening. I now have a ds who's autistic and he sometimes gets frightened and upset at what happens in the world. I understand that it's a very real fear for autistic people.

I also agree with the distraction techniques and to try and limit news, including local news, because if bad things happen close to home that can be upsetting as well.

Where is she getting her news from?

[quote Vanishun]@PermanentlyDizzy thanks for your post. Really interesting. I'm a grown up version of your child and have effectively ended up doing the same thing myself many times. It's interesting to know that it's a recognised method.

And @mswales thanks for the book suggestion [/quote]
@Vanishun, it really helps my dc and we’ve gone from it taking hours on end and being up all night initially, to being able to run through things much more quickly. Although they needed meds to be able to engage with the therapy, as they were in crisis at that point and three years on they still need either myself or dh to work through the process with them.

They still ruminate and obsess, but now we can redirect them back to the diagram and conclusion and as they trust the process, that brings down the anxiety levels and gets things back into perspective. The more times you do it, especially for common anxiety sources, the more diagrams you have on hand as references so that you can refer back and work your way down the diagram/flow-chart quickly, rather than spending hours going over and over, researching and agonising over every stage. Of course there are always new anxieties and obsessions to deal with, but once you are used to the process it helps you to work through them, rather than just becoming paralysed by the anxiety and/or progressing to rituals and avoidance.

Unfortunately ASD and OCD together are extremely difficult to address, because they feed each other to become the ultimate bully. The ‘black and white’ thinking of the ASD means once you have a negative thought/anxiety, it becomes fixed very quickly, the OCD reinforces it and it becomes a never ending cycle. For my dc, facts are key, so if you can find facts that disprove the source anxiety being a risk to them, that helps them work through it. It has to be facts though, we have to go as far as citing published papers and regularly refer to the HSE and other official bodies. I now know far too much about all sorts of substances that most people have barely heard of!

Have only read the first page or two...hope you're holding up OK!

Is your daughter at school/college? Is there any pastoral support she can access, at least when she goes back in September?

In the meantime my DD found the Kooth website/app really helpful. Unfortunately our local council seems to have stop funding it but having had a quick look virtually every other local authority appears to be covered:

www.kooth.com/

The Calm app is also excellent for bedtime anxiety.

Poor love. I can't say I blame her for feeling that way. I started to feel a bit like that watching the footage from Kabul. So disturbing.

I think all you can do is switch off news and focus on here and now. Hope she feels better soon.

@Iimaginethiswillbefun

Hi Thank you for all your words of advice I’m at work now so will go through them in detail later.

We are quite a low income family so private therapy isn’t really an option.

It’s not as easy as keep her off the news. I’m at work during the day so I can’t really control what she is looking at between about 7am and 6pm.

She hypes herself up during the day sending me numerous messages and then I deal with the fall out when I get home.

I wish things were different, I wish I could work from home, be more present for her etc and I feel guilty enough that I can’t do these things.

Please don’t feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You sound like a lovely, caring mum. You sat up all night with her, despite having to go to work today. You are asking for advice and trying to work out how best to handle things. You are doing your best and that is enough.

Your post sounds so familiar. I also get the bombardments of texts. I felt bad last night because I had to take strong painkillers and when I woke this morning there were six panicky texts from my dc from the middle of the night. They’re still asleep at the moment, so I assume they were awake most of the night and we will address the problem when they get up.

My dc is a computer whizz and working towards a career in computing, so keeping them off the internet is never going to be an option and obviously bad news pops up everywhere online, it’s extremely difficult to control/limit.

We were lucky enough to be able to afford private therapy when my dc was in crisis, but have had to stop it now, as we can’t afford it any more. It is what it is and we will continue to support him however we can.

The most important thing is they know they are loved and supported and can turn to mum or dad for support when they need to. Your dd obviously knows this, so you are doing a good job in incredibly difficult circumstances. You have no need to feel guilty at all, please try to be kinder to yourself - and I say that as someone who has often felt the same way, but is gradually learning that my best, within the limits of my resources, has to be good enough.

I feel for you I really do. My 11yo daughter confided some months ago that she had been having suicidal ideations. It is so hard to know what to do, even with a relatively flexible work schedule and access to therapy.

One thing that has been helping: a hamster. No, really. The animal itself only cost 9 Eur and we inherited the cage - maybe you can get one from freecycle or similar.

All the best.

This might be a pessimistic view but there's always been bad shit going on in the world, right through history. Maybe she'd find it useful to go back and look at all those awful things (worse even?) than what's going on today and see that the world didn't end and it's just how it is.

I would personally find that a useful approach but appreciate it might not be for everyone.

Can you get your DD to invite a friend over during the day?

Some very good ideas on here, OP.
Try to get her actively involved and doing something positive. Highlighting girls like Greta and Malala may encourage her to feel it's not a lost cause.
You can talk through some things like the Cold War that frightened you when young, but in all honesty, I'd get her away from all that. Active, distracted and busy.

As a 16 year old, what are her plans for September education wise?

How to deal with overthinking & worrying

Hope you got a better night.

Get your daughter to follow the Instagram account called "unworthy" they focus all there energy on the good things that are happening in the world.

Your daughter has every right to feel scared but she needs some balance.

Maybe spend a bit of time looking into the psychological tricks used on the internet and the attention economy. If she is susceptible to this and is spending a lot of time online she needs to be aware.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I have taken some time to read through them and I got a very kind private message as well.

Dd is under camhs for her ASD so I’ve emailed them to report this spiral in her behaviour.

She isn’t on social media she falls down YouTube rabbit holes and watches the news etc. She is also a terrible insomniac.

She is quite lonely really only has one friend and needs to go to college in September where she wants to do media and law.

I explained to her how scared I was during 9/11 and the gulf war. But because of her very one track mind she can’t seem to understand that I felt the same.

Thanks all x