Been up all night with DD who thinks world is ending

[Iimaginethiswillbefun]

Dd has ASD she has been up all night having a meltdown. She has been watching the news. Climate change, Afghanistan she wants to die. She says the world is ending and she can’t cope. How can I reassure her.

Can someone give me some guidance on ways to talk her down.

She says we need to get guns, store food and drink. She doesn’t want brother to go to university.

I am exhausted, she is exhausted. Help!

Today it's probably about soothing and distracting if possible. Can you get her out to a place she likes?

I’m in two minds about encouraging youngsters to campaign etc unless it is their own idea - it puts the responsibility on them somehow, and guilt if they then fail, + it can be a bit obsessive and negative. And it’s pointless unless they are a Greta type. Us using recycled coffee cups makes a pitiful difference- it’s up to governments esp China and the USA. Also, being pedantic, recycling is not the same as energy saving!

Oh no! You are a good mother for staying up with her.

I would tell her you totally understand how she feels, that when 16 it is hard to process, but as we grow older we get better at it. Have you ever had any panics yourself you could tell her about? I remember vivodly worrying about nuclear war, I had a sibling very into CND and it scared me silly.

The answer today is a total news blackout. Prescribe her a whole day of rest and watching her favourite films and drinking cocoa etc. Get her to completely switch off.

p.s. ignore any brutal posts, there are always a few like that, you just have to zone them out

Find an outlet for her? She probably feels helpless but if she can get into raising money for charities, recycling etc and making her mark on the world it might calm her down.

Distraction is a good idea. For the climate change worries what about getting her involved with growing veg, recycling etc as a PP said.

Not really much we can do about Afghanistan unfortunately. Maybe just try and stay away from the news as much as possible.

Try to find some uplifting news stories yourself that you can share with her?

My 16yo is has ASD and ADHD. We find grounding techniques and music really help when she becomes anxious and upset. Go outside and find 5 things you can see, 5 things you can hear, touch, smell. My DD also plays an instrument and takes herself off to practice for a few hours of things start to get hard.

Hugs for both of you. I know how hard it is when they feel like this.

@54321nought you're all bloody heart! I can only assume you don't have a child with ASD.

@Iimaginethiswillbefun night meltdowns just seem to be the worse as time marches on and you get more and more tired.
I just tell my girl that whatever happens, we will face it together, I will always love her and and I will always have her back. She needs to process her thoughts and worries and I try and be the voice of reason.

You have my sympathy

[quote Catnuzzle]@54321nought I'm taking a wild guess you have absolutely zero experience of a child with ASD.

@Iimaginethiswillbefun, I would suggest acknowledging her fears. It is bloody scary what's going on right now. What does she want to do to help the situation? Even small contributions will hopefully help her to cope and feel useful and more in control. [/quote]
I have decades of experience caring for children with ASD

Well that's pretty horrifying then.

Jourdain - true that op won’t remember ww1 - I just remember my mum and granny telling me about these things and how scary they were in a ‘t’was ever thus’ way. DM completely freaked out in the Cuban missile crisis- they were ready with enough painkillers in case nuclear war meant that they would od the whole family. And yes she could read up about Afghanistan’s history for context.

Don't watch the news

Why does she want guns?

@cricketmum84

Distraction is a good idea. For the climate change worries what about getting her involved with growing veg, recycling etc as a PP said.

Not really much we can do about Afghanistan unfortunately. Maybe just try and stay away from the news as much as possible.

Try to find some uplifting news stories yourself that you can share with her?

My 16yo is has ASD and ADHD. We find grounding techniques and music really help when she becomes anxious and upset. Go outside and find 5 things you can see, 5 things you can hear, touch, smell. My DD also plays an instrument and takes herself off to practice for a few hours of things start to get hard.

Hugs for both of you. I know how hard it is when they feel like this.

Agree with distraction. And, though it's clearly not as simple as 'Well, just walk away then', there is an element of truth, in that you do have to be really careful to avoid reinforcing the catastrophising.

@toolazytothinkofausername good idea, give her some focus.

Honestly OP if your on Facebook I’d join an autistic adults group eg Ask Autistic Adults and ask the question there. Although will take a few days but might help longer term.

There’s lots of autistic adults with autistic kids and it’s helped me a lot with parenting my own daughter.

Sending love.

@54321nought christ almighty, really!?
Please don't tell me it is in a professional capacity?

How can you be so tone deaf when it comes to a meltdown if you have decades of experience?

You are the complete antithesis to every other mental health professional I have had dealings with, they are nothing but kind, caring and compassionate.

It is probably best for the thread and the OP if people just zone the more peculiar views out, there is always one who thinks young people should be ignored and/or bullied, there is really no point getting into it.

She’s 16 so it must be very hard for her and you to just switch off the news. I would turn the internet off for a few hours though while at home.

Can you take some time out with her and just get outside for walks and to reset. It’s very hard not to get overwhelmed when watching the news tbh.

54321 well you wouldn't be getting within a mile of my ds with asd.

I've been there with ds when he can't sleep.

I've either slept on his floor on air bed or him on mine. Or both in lounge. I've listened to ds. I've asked him what he thinks he can do. Acknowledged his fear and then rationalised it. With Afghanistan we've looked at the history and he's seen this isn't a new situation but although bad so far it hasn't affected us directly. (I know terror etc but us personally).

I listened to a talk by a man with asd a few years ago and he was brilliant. He said the best thing to do is deal with facts and statistics but if there is even a 0.01% chance something could happen never say it couldn't - say history shows it's very unlikely. Because if that fear was ever realised you've lost trust and anxiety increases again.

Also agree with activities outside the house. Exercise always helps my ds relax and also helps with sleep because he's tired.

I sing to my DD when she's anxious, usually the songs I used to sing to her as a baby / toddler that she remembers. That calms her. She often joins in. Guaranteed to bring a smile out, or tears which releases her tension. Hope you're ok OP, and best wishes to your DD.

Poor child. I would think -
Stop watching the news
Fill house with joy and happiness (sounds fluffy but make the house a refuge with wholesome activities).
Exercise and constructive activities that create things.
Avoid or limit social media.
Learn together to put it into perspective- understand how the world has survived wars, massive natural events and previous pandemics.
Get into activism- picking up litter, campaigning, women’s rights, charitable work. Do something positive about the fears rather than indulging and escalating them.

One thing that worked was looking at BBC local I think it's called and looking at local good news stories.

Ds (NT, then 11) and I did this during the first lockdown. It was very soothing. There is always “funny” local news story on the bbc website somewhere!!

A friend of mine does a thing called “100 happy days”. Every day, for 100 days, she writes down something she is happy about. Some days it is as simple as an amazing sunset or having clean water in the taps; on others it could be about children of passing exams, but whatever it is, it focuses on the good, however small it is.

www.positive.news/ Is good.

Rolling news coverage can be anxiety inducing because it doesn’t set issues into context.

Could she get involved with activism around women’s rights and climate? Connect with others with similar concerns?

While she's panicking I would give her a hug, reassure her things will be ok, and watch some mindless TV until she feels sleepy.

In the longer term, I would explain that the news is always bad somewhere in the world, and always has been (back to the ancient Greeks, who consistently felt that everything was falling apart). But that life goes on, and point out that your life has gone on and continues to go on happily nevertheless.

I remember believing that we would all die in a nuclear Holocaust, and wondering why my parents were so blasé about this, until my DM pointed out that she had been living with the threat all her life, and she would have missed a lot if she sat fretting about things she couldn't control.

It might also be worth discussing research on the psychological impact of watching the news, and discussing whether it is a good idea for her. I know people who are happier for never watching it.

Does your DD have a happy memories box?

When I'm unhappy, I sit and go through the items in the box. It includes souvenirs from holidays/ day trips and other items that bring me joy.

Sympathies, OP.
Ds also has autism, and is terrified of the taliban. He keeps asking if they can get on a plane and come here.

I find the only help is distraction, and hoping I can keep his mind off it for a while, before he remembers again.

Sorry OP, no real advice, but I do feel for you.