Been up all night with DD who thinks world is ending

[Iimaginethiswillbefun]

Dd has ASD she has been up all night having a meltdown. She has been watching the news. Climate change, Afghanistan she wants to die. She says the world is ending and she can’t cope. How can I reassure her.

Can someone give me some guidance on ways to talk her down.

She says we need to get guns, store food and drink. She doesn’t want brother to go to university.

I am exhausted, she is exhausted. Help!

The news from Afghanistan and Plymouth is heartbreaking at the moment. The reports on Climate Change are scary

I would go with what things she can do to help even if that is just signing petitions, growing her own vegetables, planting trees, looking for things that would be solutions to help and trying to get everyone on board in the local community like a litter pick where waste the waste is recycled.

Who is it that she thinks she needs a gun to protect herself from?

I was getting down over the winter lockdown (like everyone) and watching too much news and following covid statistics too closely.

My DH bought me a Nintendo switch with animal crossing New horizons. It is a 'happy' constructive game and any online play is friendly and collaborative. It provided a welcome distraction away from the volume and repetitiveness of the news.

Maybe a similar approach with your DD to make any screen time a happier time. But remember to get her out of the house exercising too.

You did the right thing staying up with her

She needs to talk it through , and make these plans so she feels she has processed all the information. It’s a valid fear to her and needs to be spoken about as much as she wants to do she can work through it all.

I was a little younger than her when I was petrified of nuclear war and had years of a massive phobia and I used to beg my mum to talk me through what we would do and I wanted to stockpile and make a shelter and she laughed at me and said we would just die as a consequence when stressed now I have horrific nightmares about nuclear explosions ! It’s terrible

I agree about gardening.

Oh and anything else to get her away from the news, the old notion of "keeping up" doesn't work in our favour in the immersive "news" of today.

And I forgot to add when she isn’t talking about the world ending / her worries she will obviously need loads of extra reassurance and comfort . I hope things get better I really do

stop watching the news

Theres a lot of advice here, some of its helpful, some of it is spectacularly bad. I hope you find a way forward, here's my two pence.

This was me at 16, I now work in a sector actively combatting the climate and ecological emergencies. The fears I had at 16 are still with me two decades later, I've just learnt to deal with them. As many people have said, doing what you can to take action is the only real way to tackle eco anxiety.

I can now appreciate how upsetting (and annoying!) it must have been for my parents to see me like that, they really tried but they did everything wrong and I do not confide in them at all now. They still seem to think its "just a phase" and I need to "lighten up, the world isnt ending".

Do not try to "reassure" or "comfort", it will feel very dismissive to her. Her fears are real and entirely reasonable, and theres nothing you can do as her mum to make them go away. Acknowledge her fears, and then look for ways you can take action together. She is old enough to know that you are not a super hero, so dont try to be one.

Do not compare to history. This is minimizing her fears and shows an utter lack of understanding of the reality of climate change. Yes humans have faced many challenges throughout history, but we have never faced human induced climate and ecological collapse. It's a big deal. Dont down play it, she will lose trust in you - go and educate yourself so you can talk to each other about it on an even plain and you can tackle genuine misinformation.

Be prepared to make changes yourself. If she wants to go vegan, support her, try it yourself. If she doesnt want to fly, dont make her. It can be tedious having someone following you around critising about the amount of plastic your using, but if you at least try to get on board with the changes she wants to make in her life it will show you understand and take her seriously.

Avoid getting lost in an internet pit but do try to find external support. There are specific groups for ecoanxiety and there are professionals who specialise in this area. "A focus on nature" is a network for young people concerned about ecology, she will find like minded peers.

And finally, this isnt going away. It's not a phase. Take it, and her, seriously.

Any psychiatrist will tell you both to stop watching the news.

Keep as normal a routine as possible.

Ground her with fact. Mention WW2 - life's been a whole lot worse where you live and we're still here.

Empathise but don't agree - your job is to give her perspective with history/other news/a larger awareness of the world than a shrieky BBC news segment lasting 30 seconds.

Take action to feel more in control - small envtal friendly changes help

@Sittinginthesand

I’m in two minds about encouraging youngsters to campaign etc unless it is their own idea - it puts the responsibility on them somehow, and guilt if they then fail, + it can be a bit obsessive and negative. And it’s pointless unless they are a Greta type. Us using recycled coffee cups makes a pitiful difference- it’s up to governments esp China and the USA. Also, being pedantic, recycling is not the same as energy saving!

Sittinginthesand While I hear you about China, I can't agree with these points. The responsibility is on teens today inasmuch as it is on all of us. And what sort of message is this to give to your DC? "Because others aren't doing anything, we won't bother". It's hardly a sound philosophy for life.

And food production is a huge, huge factor in climate change. We all have to eat. If every one of us in the West could avoid food waste and alter the way we eat slightly, the cumulative effect would be massive. So while I agree that other super powers need to do their part too and currently aren't doing enough, , we can't all leave it to "someone else".

Op, if it's any help at all, my teen DDS are not autistic, but have had episodes of anxiety. This may not be helpful to you, but just in case, I take it as a sign that the balance of their life is out of whack with regard to on-line engagement with the world v physical engagement with the world, so when my teens are exhibiting anxiety or low mood, I get them out of bed and, if possible, take them to a forest, or beach or hillside someone and spend some time away from screens. Time spent with animals also works.
If you have an equine assisted therapy centre near you, that is also worth checking out.

I hope your DD feels less anxious soon. What with climate change, a global pandemic, terrorism, and all of the latest developments beamed in to our bedrooms via our phones 24/7, the world is a much more worrying place than when I was born in the mid-sixties, , and I really, really feel for teens today .

Totally understand how she feels. Can you get her to work on relaxing and doing whatever it is that will calm her. Could she understand that if the family were in danger the thing that’s most likely to help is staying calm. So that’s the first step. After that action can be taken. I am very anxious and need a logical reason to switch off the worry.

Your poor dd and poor you too.

My eldest (19) has ASD, with severe anxiety, plus OCD. They are absolutely terrified of death, so not quite the same situation as they definitely do not want to die, but they do become totally overwhelmed with thoughts that the worst is going to happen and they can’t move on from that without significant support. I have spent so many nights sat up with them for hours no end, that I’ve lost count.

We paid for private MH support with a Clinical Psychologist who specialises in teens with Autism, as CAMHS were less than no use.

We now have a process to work through in this situation. It starts by getting a large sheet of paper and actually researching and working through the facts, to bring things back into perspective. So yes, looking at the history of the conflicts in Afghanistan, how long it’s gone on for and at other conflicts the world has survived. For climate change I would take a slightly different tack and focus on all the positive things that are being done all over the world to improve things. Also look at other positive stories of people coming together to effect change, perhaps some of the warmer ‘community stories’ from the lockdowns about people delivering each other meals and looking out for their neighbours and community stories about local ‘environmental’ action like litter picking and tree/wildflower planting. Sources like Positive News are really useful for this. You could also get her to look into eco alternatives to things she currently uses and how to source them and offer to support her switching to those items.

You work through it a bit like a cross between a mind map and a flow chart, taking the negative thoughts one by one and working through the facts to bring them into perspective for the person you’re doing the process for and help them reach a conclusion they feel safer with. Use the positive facts to counter-balance them as well. With my dc it can be fear they have been contaminated with something that might kill them, so first we work out realistically if they have actually been in contact with that substance or whatever it is, if so how much/little could they have come into contact with (it’s usually none once we’ve worked through it) and then find the facts about whether or not that amount really is dangerous.

For the Afghanistan situation, perhaps start with how far away it is, then the history of the area and how long it has all been going on, then break it down to, yes, what is happening is horrific, but how much is it likely to affect your dd’s life. At that point, if she feels helpless I would suggest donating to a charity that is trying to help. If she’s anything like my dc, suggesting personal direct action would lead to more rumination and a downward spiral.

My dc’s psychologist started off explaining the process and like a judge weighing up the fact and coming to a logical conclusion. Once you have that conclusion, the anxiety may still be there, but you can keep reminding yourself that you have looked at the facts and it’s not as bad as the anxiety brain bully makes you think it is. Taking a photo of the flowchart/mind-map on a phone for her too look at whenever the anxiety builds up can be a useful tool to bring her back to facts and away from the panic.

'Do not compare to history. This is minimizing her fears'

Minimizing fears with understanding is a smart move. Fear never fixed anything.

There's a long and very amusing history of apocalypse prophecy - and a longer history of humans battling to survive. Just a few nuggets of both these will help DD take the action everyone needs.

@54321nought

don't stay up all night with her

Helpful 🙄

She needs some professional support for her anxiety. Please call your GP for starters.

@54321nought

don't stay up all night with her

wow

My 16 year is similar (asd and anxious about anything and everything!).

When she gets likes this the only thing we can do is ride it out and try to distract her when it’s appropriate. So if she mentions something even in passing that’s not the disaster like - I don’t know dogs we say “oh did you see that dog video!” And then start watching random dog videos. It doesn’t always work bit if you get the timing of the distraction right it can help!

I’d tell her straight, things like this have always happened it’s nothing new, the Cold War, WW1 and ww2 and we are all still here.

Turn off the news and don’t let her have access to it, sounds like she could do with some NLP lessons.

We have found the worst possible thing we can do is engage too deeply in the worry. So if we were to talk about the history of the conflict or try to compare it to other conflicts to try to minimise it it would just send her deeper into the pit of her own thoughts!

In the longer term, explore her A level choices with her. STEM subjects will be part of the planet solution if she is academic - if not, I think we are going to need a lot of plumbers, heating engineers, electricians, builders etc for the UK to deal with increased flooding coming.

Point her here for the big positive technological possibilities:
www.drawdown.org/

Afghanistan is very much a climate change problem - despite good natural water resources they suffer immense drought because the infrastructure is so poor.

If she’s genuinely suicidal I’d have her at GP today you need professional help. Does she have a support worker or anything ?

I'm a full grown adult and the reality of the climate crisis keeps me awake at night, I'm not surprised it's affecting teenagers, too.

I personally would try and limit exposure to the news in the immediate.

In terms of the climate, something that's really helped me is changing my personal habits to be more environmental whilst campaigning. Talk to her and focus on one small area. Maybe ask her to do a bit of research on how you could make the things you use in the bathroom (for example) more sustainable. Change your energy provider. Let her know that you're taking this seriously and get her involved in other organisations that are, too. Wildlife Trust and MCS both have teenaged groups that campaign etc.

I would start by explaining what a safe place the UK is compared with other regions on the world and how the world is generally safer than it has been. Re climate change I would focus her attention on being proactive. Most local councils have tree planting schemes that you can volunteer for. Get her to help you draw up a plan to make your household greener. Local veg boxes, milk delivery, reduce red meat, turn lights/taps off when not being used, washing machine on eco wash at night, plant wild flowers, grow trees from conkers and donate them, repair clothes, buy less new things etc. Every few months review it to see how you are doing. Also focus on climate fighting technology and measures. I.e. the reforestation scheme in the UK, the increase in renewables, electric cars, more home working, less business trips/flights, new pigment reflecting paints to go on buildings to reflect light/heat back to space and cool buildings. Climate change is extremely worrying, but every single person can make a difference.

The news is pretty horrific at the moment, Afghanistan of course, Haiti, countries burning and a pandemic. I can understand why she is worried. I think banning the news might be the best thing.

Then it was badly because I also have decades professionally and 9 years as an ASD parent. No one would ever advise to leave a distressed ASD child , that advice does not have any validity even in caring services. Let alone as a bloody parent.

OP I feel for you, we had something similar with DS1 but because he is younger we were more able to restrict access to the news and the flood of negative reports which I realise isn't helpful for you as its so much harder when they are older.

We actually used a PP suggestion and DS1 works well with historical context over many things. We don't lie so we were honest that things were challenging at the moment and we didn't play it down (for DS1 that will always make it worse because he struggles with subterfuge of any description so if he felt we were playing it down it would make it worse) but we used Social stories and extended story boarding to show the concept of ebbs and flows (I appreciate again this is easier for younger DC).

For climate change we have incorporated small actions he can take to help , to give him a level of control back (has mixed success).

We increased his anxiety techniques (usually used at a trigger point before meltdown but we are using them earlier). Wierdly the Octopus toy has been remarkably helpful and I really didn't think it would.

In all honesty it's keeping a lot on it and helping him manage but only just. It's been easier in School holidays but I forsee it getting worse when he is around other DC more.

[quote NiceTwin]@54321nought christ almighty, really!?
Please don't tell me it is in a professional capacity?

How can you be so tone deaf when it comes to a meltdown if you have decades of experience?

You are the complete antithesis to every other mental health professional I have had dealings with, they are nothing but kind, caring and compassionate.[/quote]
100% this. I'm speechless at this attitude tbh.