Been up all night with DD who thinks world is ending

[Iimaginethiswillbefun]

Dd has ASD she has been up all night having a meltdown. She has been watching the news. Climate change, Afghanistan she wants to die. She says the world is ending and she can’t cope. How can I reassure her.

Can someone give me some guidance on ways to talk her down.

She says we need to get guns, store food and drink. She doesn’t want brother to go to university.

I am exhausted, she is exhausted. Help!

If you read history this is actually the norm. I’m not minimising or being flippant. We have actually never had it so good. The more history you read the more you find it incredible that any of us are here and survived.

I can tend a garden, but I can't tend a rainforest.
But gardens are so important. So I will tend my garden for the thousands of small and tiny creatures that will help. And acknowledge there are millions of others doing the same.
Try to nudge your DD towards a 'tending her garden' mindset. Rather than grieving a rainforest.
She may not be able to 'save the world" but she can tend a garden. And a garden is a world. It's her world.

OP the best way to get over the overwhelming fear of climate change is to start making small changes.
Sit down today with her and draw up some things your going to change to reduce your footprint.
If you need any tips let me know.

I really feel for you, we had something very similar a few years ago.

My ASD son was about 12/13 at the time. The terrorism in Paris then Brussels airport and then finding someone linked to that in a city not far from us was the icing on the cake so to speak. He used to hold his breathe as long as he possibly would to see if that would help him die faster, there were a lot of other things going on too.

My immediate course of action was distraction, major distraction ! I used to sit with him in the living room with the TV on VH1 80's music videos and start telling him how we all had big hair back then and just general chit chat about nothing and everything but it got him calmed down. We spent many a night doing this, night times were always the worse. During the day we walked a lot with the dog and he found it easy to talk then and told me his fears and we'd research the facts together and between us found a way through it where he was more peace of mind. It took a long while and writing it down makes it looks easy but it wasn't , I just tried my best to be his sounding board and not dismiss his fears but be a rational voice when he needed one.
My son had multiple mental health issues that peaked and spanned a good few years, I stopped working during this time as it was impossible.

I know not everyone does but we got through it I have a very rational 19 yr old now, who knows he can talk to me and we do still walk and talk and we do still sometimes watch cheesy 80's music videos. He has matured immensely these past few years and while the fear is always going to be there he has developed tools to not let it take over his life. I am immensely proud of the young man he has become.

Does your daughter have any support, or therapy.

Acknowledge her fears and agree that lots of very scary things are happening. Explain that the world is constantly full of scary things happening - world wars, famines, floods etc (don't dwell on any) and that humankind, and the natural world has shown a phenomenal ability to heal, recover and keep going. The world is categorically NOT ending. What is happening is that her mind has matured enough to process the news and it frightens her.

Remind her how balanced the world is. It is spilling over with kindness - with loving families, cared for children and animals, devoted nurses and doctors, teachers and vets. The news only reports the bad stuff because people being kind and good is normal.

Switch off the news for now and help her spot everyday acts of kindness - people helping their families and neighbours. You sitting up all night is an example of every day loving kindness. She needs to acknowledge that as being of value in her life.

@54321nought

don't stay up all night with her

What the hell is wrong with you!?

@AbsolutelyPatsy

we need to live for today op.

As helpful as ever

Before this one I was pleased to see some sensible answers, this especially

He said the best thing to do is deal with facts and statistics but if there is even a 0.01% chance something could happen never say it couldn't - say history shows it's very unlikely. Because if that fear was ever realised you've lost trust and anxiety increases again.

It's very difficult but I do believe that exploring her fears whilst she isn't in a meltdown is beneficial

Ah, I just saw another thread by that poster. I agree with a pp not to take them seriously.

Get her to read How To Stop Time by Matt Haig. Very readable fiction book makes it clear that everything is cyclical and every generation faces these issues just in different guises. Really stayed with me and helps you “step back” and see bigger picture.

My Dbro and DS both have ASD. DS is only little, but we’ve had a good few ‘the sky is falling’ moments with Dbro.

My advice is to try and contextualise what’s happening for her. Afghanistan and what’s happening there hasn’t just come out of nowhere - there are decades and centuries of history behind all this. Talk about it with her. Explain what’s led to this, and why that makes a similar thing happening far, far less likely here. Then look at how you could help - can she write to your MP? Donate to charities? What can she do?

Climate change - look at what is being done to help now. We have all the technology to mitigate the worst effects, so that might be a bit of a comfort. And look at what she can do - her individual choices and also things like writing to her MP, signing petitions and so on. Remind her that Greta Thunberg has ASD too - it can be a huge help in campaigning as she can see the urgency.

Contextualising things has always helped DBro to calm his fears. Try to get some sleep, then start researching together. I hope you have a calmer night tonight.

I don’t blame her, the world is a scary place atm.

Don’t watch the news, delete the apps and talk about terrible things that have happened in history before and how we have overcome them and recovered.

I’m wary of those saying ‘action’ as it does imply that she needs to ‘get involved’ and this could reinforce her worries, encourage her to dwell on them. There’s no need for her to do anything unless it helps HER, it won’t make any difference to the global situation. She might benefit more from doing sport, art, drama, volunteering, reading, gardening, getting a Saturday job… all ‘usefu’ it doesn’t have to be activism.

Although I don’t think we should stick our head in the sand I would try and reduce news intake if that’s possible even with news on at home etc in the background it can add up to a seemingly endless doom scroll.
Everything seems more scary at night and talking calmly about issues with her in the day will seem more solid.
I used to talk to my DD’s and say imagine if you had to wait for newspapers back in the 1900’s you would get the news 2 weeks later and have just been carrying on not knowing what was going on and nothing has affected you. I’m not saying don’t be interested in the news but for some people it just needs to be dialled down a lot.
The last few years have been enough for anymore stress wise let alone our young people and those with ASD who will dwell on it more. News is always hyped to be the end of the world as that’s what sells and gets people to tune in no one would listen to a rational headline.
Hope she feels better today and you can both nap.

Poor girl, frankly it sounds like the reaction we'd all have if the human brain wasn't normally pretty good at ignoring things.
I'd recommend getting her out running for an hour in the evening / before she is supposed to sleep. Apart from making you tired, the rocking movement is quite soothing, and your resting heart rate is sllower afterwards.

@54321nought

don't stay up all night with her

This was obviously said for effect but I'll bite for the sake of the OP.

My daughter is a similar age with mental health issues. I've sat up more nights than I can count with her and I'll do so for as long as I'm alive.

I don't have any answers but you carry on being her rock, it will help even if it feels like it doesn't. Wishing you both lots of luck.

For today I would ban the news and find a way to do something nice for some else. Ask her who could really do with cheering up or help today and focus on helping someone else. All the best.

Get her to read How To Stop Time by Matt Haig. Very readable fiction book makes it clear that everything is cyclical and every generation faces these issues just in different guises. Really stayed with me and helps you “step back” and see bigger picture.
I'm always a bit dubious on matt haig books, I find them actually depressing and I'm a really positive person. If you look at him on Twitter etc he has such bad mental health, yes, his end goal is always about trying to find the good and the light, but I always wonder do his issues help people with depression and mh issues or are they drawn to him because he's kind of validating something in them? Just wondering out loud because personally I think teens are so influenced and I just don't know (sorry probably not saying it well).

This was me at various points during my childhood/adolescence, although my usual cognitive sticking point was near earth objects (i.e. a meteor crashing into earth in a way that would destroy much of, but not totally annihilate life on, the planet). It was incredibly durable as a model of thinking, and very difficult to change.
I would suggest, as a first step, looking at some self-help guidance for obsessive thoughts and anxiety. The centre for clinical intervention is very good for this and has evidence-based CBT worksheets available for free.

The trouble with thoughts like this is that they orbit around massive uncontrollable forces in my case, space objects; in your daughter's, the weather that are completely independent of not only individual human action but also mass political/national action: not even a political consensus of the entire UK (imagine!) can influence whether there is a catastrophic flood/earthquake/wildfire or ginormous space rock hurtling cataclysmically towards earth. That's why you can't straightforwardly "take her mind off it" or "refocus her attention on little things she change" (paper straws and reusable water bottles are like spitting on a volcano) -- she's no idiot; she's worried because she's aware of the facts (even if she is fixating on them in a maladaptive way).

CBT exercises will help to her reframe/repattern her thoughts so that they are less distressing and don't interfere so intensely with her day to day functioning.

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Worry-and-Rumination
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Tolerating-Distress

In the 80s when I had similar fears I tried to be proactive
I joined cnd, amnesty etc
I volunteered with the red Cross
I also stopped watching so much news

www.autismberkshire.org.uk/2018/10/09/dean-beadle-speaker-bracknell/

This is the man I was talking about. This article covers what he said about anxiety very briefly.

He is well worth a look and read. I've found him so helpful I'm supporting my own ds over the years.

Good morning. I have ASD and although I don't feel worried now, at the start if the pandemic I had such a 'this is the start of the end' feeling. Even though rationally I knew it wasn't. Anyway what really calmed me was so get some things prepared. Seemingly silly little things. Planning helps calm me. Being told that my fears are unfounded or illogical makes it worse. If she is anything like this, let her plan. Indulge in aspects that aren't a huge burden. Obviously she can build a bunker the garden but growing vegetables, making a small stockpile of items etc might calm. Her enough for the rationality to set back in.

Do small, tight spaces calm her? A dark nest with things she likes in it might be needed now to recover from the night xx

To this day he finds anxiety a challenge in various situations. He spoke about his experiences of going on fairground rides with his partner – who loves them – whereas Dean prefers to keep his feet firmly on the ground. One experience, where the operator’s answers to his questions about how the ride worked and his partner’s attempts to use humour to lighten the mood, stoked his anxiety to the point where he could not speak for an hour afterwards.
However unlikely the odds of something bad happening, such as a serious illness, “if something is possible, then I will worry about it”, Dean added.
He said he had learned to pick his battles and if facing and pushing through anxiety to get a rewarding experience was worth it, he would do it, but where the anxiety was overwhelming and there was no pay-off, he would step back.
When talking to an autistic person about thoughts and situations which caused them anxiety, he said it was always best to use clear and unambiguous language and to use factual information to help explain why there was no need to be so worried or anxious.
Dean said it was also important to let autistic people know that everyone makes mistakes and worries about things happening in their lives.
He said: “We’re made to feel we get everything wrong and everyone else gets it right. We don’t get that others can get things wrong too – tell autistic people about this and let them see it.”

This is the except I've been referring to. This is copied and pasted form the article linked above.

Can you get her to stop using certain types of social media. Some of the images such as people falling from planes that pop up on TikTok for example are shocking and lack any context. They popped up when I was browsing and my TikTok algorithm is meant to be nothing but building work and other mundane things

Is there any chance your daughter might want to do some charity work?

I agree that explaining how the media works would be a good idea, that we now have coverage of events we didn't even twenty years ago. Also, the person upthread who talk about the importance of community had a good idea. If the apocalypse does come, what we really need are people who can weave and identify edible plants and grow seeds, not Rambo types with guns. Maybe get her to focus energy on honing her gardening skills - it's a very soothing hobby apart from anything else.