Been up all night with DD who thinks world is ending

[Iimaginethiswillbefun]

Dd has ASD she has been up all night having a meltdown. She has been watching the news. Climate change, Afghanistan she wants to die. She says the world is ending and she can’t cope. How can I reassure her.

Can someone give me some guidance on ways to talk her down.

She says we need to get guns, store food and drink. She doesn’t want brother to go to university.

I am exhausted, she is exhausted. Help!

@54321nought

don't stay up all night with her

This was the attitude my mother had

Wouldn’t talk to me when I had similar issues. When I was ill she would tell me she was going to bed and wouldn’t help me either as her sleep was more important. It hurt me and damaged me

I’d stay up all night every night of my child needed me that’s what you do.

@Blueeyedgirl21

I would though recommend finding VERY GOOD private therapy if you can afford it. Can be life changing with waiting times as they are.

Agree. Camhs waiting times are huge

Regarding the intentionally ignorant poster, please can people highlight their posts to the forum team? Many of us have seen their inflammatory remarks on other threads, but perhaps the team have missed them. They need to be aware that this poster does not have kind intentions at all.

@Crockof

I don't watch the news habitually since Rome & Juliet of Sarajevo "93. I can't.
I'm not on TikTok,Insta or Twitter, haven't looked on FB since NYD.
I haven't even been on MN for years (only back since May because of WH and will stop again soon).

I suffer from anxiety (was dx 15 yz ago) so isolating myself from as much as possible helps. it's doable.
obviously a lot of stuff filters through so it's not like I have no idea what's going on, but I can't deal with visual images. they are a huge trigger for me.

It might be ridiculous to you but you are here to support a 16yo yet criticising an adult who has the similar issues?
You didn't ask why that was my advice, but decided to judge blindly .
So I return the favour and will cal you ignorant & hypocritical.

*Romeo & Juliet

Hi OP,

Something that helps me is to remind myself that every generation has had its crisis...our grandparents saw world wars...my parents talk about how terrifying the Cuban Missile Crisis was...pandemics have happened before. Life has continued and we have come through.

In terms of climate change I think about what I can do. Reduce plastic and energy consumption, reuse and recycle. They are small things but a little plus a little equals a lot. I remind myself that people who are much more clever than me are working on solutions and technology that can help (Radio 4 had a programme on this not long ago, perhaps someone will remember what it was called).

I also stop watching the news...I can't escape it but I can definitely reduce my consumption of it.

Perhaps some of this will help. Focus on the good.

As your daughter has ASD and seems to be old enough to follow the news, it might be a good idea to introduce her to the concept of logical fallacies.
In this case the slippery slope fallacy is particularly relevant. I think it will help her a lot.

DD1 became anxious at one of the 'end of the world' event. One of the kids in her class had been hyping the latest one up and DD1 was quite scared about it - I think she was about 11yo.

I explained that this is an ongoing thing that people have been going on about for years. The Mayan calendar one and 2012, the 2000 Millennium Bug that was going to stop everything working, the chicken that laid eggs with prophetic messages on them back in the 1800s (don't ask - but at least I got a giggle).

And that while things feel bleak at times it is often the way we get news - immediate, visual and designed to be emotive - that's the problem. Going back to the 1800s - we wouldn't have known about the Taliban taking over for days, possibly weeks.

I agree that encouraging her to make a small positive change in the world might empower her, but don't let acute anxiety go on too long. She might need to be referred to CAMHS or see the GP if this is going to impact her (and you).

Saying this kindly OP, but please monitor what she watches in the future.

OP I can completely relate. I have a 13 ye old DS with ASD who is exactly the same at the moment. He's too frightened to sleep so stays awake until the early hours when he's really tired and then sleeps a lot of the day. Before anyone starts slating me too, yes I've tried to get support for him, yes I know it's not great for him to be awake all night and yes, I'm working with him to help his anxiety.

I don't really have any suggestions but my DS is fairly switched on so when he's not panicking too much we can have a chat about perspective and what we can do to calm his anxiety. There was a phase when he wasn't brushing his teeth or looking after himself and I was really worried but we seem to be coming out the other side albeit really slowly.

Look after yourself, it's so draining trying to support other people during the day and the night. Good luck OP, I hope things turn around for you both soon.

@stripedbananas

Cup of hot cocoa and stick on Disney +

I think she needs a bit more than that!

imo its always so stressful when theyre trying to gear us up for some big military action abroad, when all we have is rolling news coverage.
Its political though, as we have all sorts of shit and scary things happening in other countries too, but theyre not trying to get us emotionally involved in those.
Remind your dd that actually things are happening in many parts of the world, and the news is trying to make us feel like this is on our doorstep when its actually far away. Thats with regards to the afghanistan thing more than climate change.
Tell her that people have been saying the end of the world is nigh for a long long time, and then the main news story changes again according to what they want us to think. Remind her that sometimes the best thing someone can do for their mental health is dont watch the news and unlike the news channels for a while when something like this is brewing, and try and concentrate more on either local news or her immediate friends and family, because ultimately, the big countries do occasionally have their dick measuring contests, and we can protest or cry about it and they still do it anyway. Arrange a bet with her that you are going to avoid the news entirely for a week (or however long) and do lots of distracting things, such as cinema, or watching nice films and picnics or walks or swimming etc.
Its perfectly possible to have too much information.
Im also autistic and i am consciously avoiding reading too much of the news right now, as I hate it when they bombard us like this and ive dipped in and out of political activism my whole life and sometimes you just have to step back. Young people today with the internet I think are conned into believing they have a say and can change the world. We cant. We just have to try and make the best of the point in history and all its joy and all its shit that we happen to be alive in

I really feel for you both. My daughter is not sure whether to have children cos the world is so messed up. Your daughter sounds to be a very kind, sensitive person - has this depression come out of the blue or was she low before? i agree with trying to avoid the news for a while and getting out into nature but she needs a CAMHs assessment- its not normal that she wants to die and poor girl is suffering. I hope you are both ok

i get really scared by the news too sometimes and when i was a teenager was exactly the same. what helped me was deciding to just stop reading the news and only watching happy movies etc. annoys my fiancé when i don’t want to watch scary movies etc i think but otherwise i will be drowning in my own mind for weeks after.

eventually she will forget these feelings in a few days or weeks but she needs to go cold turkey and stop reading about it

I would suggest you keep her off the news.

@stayathomer

Get her to read How To Stop Time by Matt Haig. Very readable fiction book makes it clear that everything is cyclical and every generation faces these issues just in different guises. Really stayed with me and helps you “step back” and see bigger picture. I'm always a bit dubious on matt haig books, I find them actually depressing and I'm a really positive person. If you look at him on Twitter etc he has such bad mental health, yes, his end goal is always about trying to find the good and the light, but I always wonder do his issues help people with depression and mh issues or are they drawn to him because he's kind of validating something in them? Just wondering out loud because personally I think teens are so influenced and I just don't know (sorry probably not saying it well).

I agree with you but I do t see it as a bad thing. Validation is such an important step to dealing with feelings. People always want to skip ahead to re-fraiming or changing feelings but that often adds more negative thoughts (such and guilt or shame or feelings of being a failure) if you dont first validate.

If you are already a positive person with no or minimal mental health struggles, I can see how his and similar approaches jar a bit.

I think the way things are now is exceptional. Few generations of kids have ever had to live with the restrictions of a pandemic, plus lots of other bad things happening. It's much worse than in the days of the cold war, for example. And even many of us adults are close to despair over a lot of it.
All I can suggest is what someone once said to me at work when things were going badly due to the place being badly run- 'all you can do is make your bit good'. Wise advice- and maybe your DD could be encouraged to think about how, in a small way, she could 'make her bit good', by being kind to other people, maybe doing a bit of carefully chosen voluntary work, or thinking of choosing a career where she will be able to feel she is making the world a better place, even in a small way? Perhaps do things with her that remove her from the news, like long walks in the country, or whatever she might enjoy. And it may be important for her to understand that though she is right to remember that other people are less fortunate and so on, she is still a young person, and as such especially entitled to enjoy things, like hobbies and sport or whatever gives her pleasure. There is still joy to be found, often in simple things like nature, though we may need to look harder right now, even though it can be difficult to find.
Like other young people, she is not in any way responsible for what's happening, and it's tragic it is upsetting her so much.

Ds is asd & getting over involved with things in the news, he has sent letters to newspapers, marched for things like Black Lives Matter, Anti Trump, Kill the Bill etc, he has also joined a political party & is very active with local council matters. Doing all this has helped him feel he is doing something.

I think @Cluelessasacucumber makes quite an important point.
Playing down the situation may make her retreat into herself, only share her thoughts with people with similar fears and not telling you what she is thinking as "you don't get it". It's really useful that she's telling you this. Also, if you agree that things are hard then you can focus on finding ways to cope, such as the CBT, and getting (more) outside help to learn how to deal with life.

I suffer with anxiety and I too had similar concerns a few weeks ago that got me into a bit of a depressive spin. Let alone being a teenager with an undeveloped adult mind.
I think reassurance is the main thing.. the news is always going to be reporting on worrying things.. they love to put the fear in people.
Also, focus more on mindfulness what’s happening in front of you and not what’s on the internet/tv radio. I think if she’s still at crisis point that needs addressing first.. look again dialectical behaviour therapy online. The exercise are really good.. and then focus on habits.. so reduce the news and social media and increase mindfulness activities - baking, gardening, painting, colouring, drawing, sewing, making hot chocolate with marshmellows, chatting? Anything that gives her mind a break.. Sport even whatever she likes.. I also think if the tv is her thing Disney plus is a fab idea. I’m an adult and Disney programs make me feel calm and cosy..

@PermanentlyDizzy thanks for your post. Really interesting. I'm a grown up version of your child and have effectively ended up doing the same thing myself many times. It's interesting to know that it's a recognised method.

And @mswales thanks for the book suggestion

I was in my early 20s when the lockerbie terrorist attack happened. I am not autistic but I can remember the shear terror and fear I felt every night looking up at the sky absolutely convinced planes were going to fall out of the sky . It really is hard to know what advice to give you because ASD effects everyone with it in different ways. I personally would worry that funnelling your daughters fears raising awareness could exacerbate the situation .
Think just giving an explanation with the facts as to how this has escalated might help . I really hope you and DD ok 💐

[quote EThreepwood]I'd recommend this newspaper subscription for the future. Unfortunately it only comes out every 3 months.

thehappynewspaper.com/?v=79cba1185463[/quote]
I was going to suggest this. If your dd is on Instagram you can follow it there thehappynewspaper. I follow Emily Coxhead, the founder, and she brings so much joy. I hope you both find a way through this. My yd just doesn't watch or listen to the news as it makes her have panic attacks.

Would taking small actions help her? Caveat them with "this won't solve everything, but if we all tried, the world would be a better place" so she realises there isn't one easy solution? PP suggested campaigning could be tricky as she may get obsessed and then downhearted when things don't change quickly. Campaigning online would mean more social media and exposure, would that be detrimental for her?

I cope with today's shitstorm by doing what I can, then focusing on the good and closing the door on it and doing happy things because burning yourself out doesn't help.

Afghanistan:
Donate to charities - Linda Norgrove Foundation, Unicef
Could you email your MP as part of any action, rather than her doing it?

Climate change:
There are some great threads on here for ideas
Lifestyle changes like reducing meat and dairy, switching to renewable energy provider, not flying, driving less, reducing consumption in every area, draught proofing the house.

Regular exercise is also very good for alleviating anxiety.

www.health.harvard.edu/blog/can-exercise-help-treat-anxiety-2019102418096