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Original poster

Mumsnet solutions that amuse / bemuse me

314 replies

Wishimaywishimight · 16/08/2021 16:06

Relationship problems;

LTB - fair enough when it's dire circumstances, abuse etc. but oftentimes it's when DH/DP grumbles about doing a household task or wants to take a nap.

Change the locks - DH/DP stays out late after going for a drink and neglects to keep in touch with partner / spouse.

Leave his bags outside the front door - see above.

Money problems;

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours. If I said to my boss that I wanted to increase my hours she would say in rather a puzzled tone; "Fine, come in earlier, leave later, whatever you like".

Noisy Neighbours;

Move to a detached house - um, yes, that's an easy solution. Where I live a detached house is probably €80k more expensive than a semi-detached so cost would be a consideration.

DH/DP doesn't want to get married and/or have children;

Dump him and find a man who does. Often the OP's in these situations are mid to late 30's - are there really hordes of eligible single men out there queueing up to meet 30 something women with a frantically ticking biological clock?

Trying to think of a few more, these are the ones that jumped out at me!

OP posts:
paepoyrol · 16/08/2021 20:14

NEVER ask your parents for help , either financially or for help with your kids. If you do you are the biggest CF ever. You should turn them down if they offer (or even if they beg n plead) because, you know, that’s not something family’s do.

But equally you should not give up work unless you have already saved for your dcs house deposit & funded uni.

paepoyrol · 16/08/2021 20:19

If you're concerned about funding your retirement you need to invest in s&s, get a BTL, diversity your portfolio etc. No idea where the additional money comes from? maybe switching to aldi!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 16/08/2021 20:20

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours. If I said to my boss that I wanted to increase my hours she would say in rather a puzzled tone; "Fine, come in earlier, leave later, whatever you like"

Im paid by the hour. Its a thing in some jobs.

Fizbosshoes · 16/08/2021 20:20

Person has very limited funds to last them til pay day...

Batch cook (well yes per portion it probably is cheaper but you actually have to buy a bigger quantity of stuff in the first place and store cupboard items if you dont already have them)

Move to a cheaper areA.
Moving is pretty expensive in itself and will likely take months to actually release any money....as well as the fact that the area was probably chosen with consideration for jobs, schools etc. If you move to a cheaper area you may well end up spending more on commuting costs.

And of course take in ironing (even disregarding how many shirts you would need to iron to make a profit you might need a new iron , possibly stationary to write invoices....and customers!!)

Shergill15 · 16/08/2021 20:23

Asking OP's if they are getting help for their anxiety is one I've seen a lot lately

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 16/08/2021 20:23

My absolute favourite MN threads are the ones where the poster is asking whats normal for a host to do/provide when they have house guests for a few days. Some of the answers are hilarious.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/08/2021 20:27

Op is absolutely skint. They work fulltime, they rent social housing (a tiny, badly maintained flat full of mould), they can barely make their bus fare to work by the end of the month...

'You can buy a ten bedroom mansion near me for only 25 times your annual salary'. How exactly do they a) save a deposit, b) get a mortgage approved when they're on the bones of their arse already, c) afford to move 580 miles away, and d) assuming they found this magical mortgage lender, pay a fricking mortgage when they would have to give up their job in order to live in the Outer Hebrides round the corner from the poster where house prices are so low precisely because no fucker can get a job there?

'Rent somewhere cheaper'. Social housing is cheaper. That's the point of it. So you're actually suggesting that they give up the cheapest rent in their current location and the security of a social housing tenancy for a private tenancy with no security, where they won't pass affordability checks, don't have a deposit or advance rent BECAUSE THEY'RE SKINT AND CAN'T SAVE, whilst also giving up their employment and having to find moving expenses down the back of the sofa?

Oh, but then they come up with the winning suggestion 'Pay them six months rent up front instead'. It really doesn't work like that - they still have to pass affordability checks, which they won't and they don't have six months' private rent stuffed down the back of the sofa either.

Fizbosshoes · 16/08/2021 20:29

I'm a bit nervous about driving on a motorway/in the dark/in a city /in a country lane.

you shouldnt really be driving at all - you sound like a danger to other road users!!

(I think half of MN were born knowing how to drive an HGV or double decker bus and have never felt nervous or cautious of any situation in their entire life!Confused)

OoglyMoogly · 16/08/2021 20:32

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Both my recent jobs (the last ended 8 years ago) you could switch to part-time/full time or term time only pretty much on request.

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours

All my jobs have had the hours per week to be worked written into my contract. You do have a contract?

burritofan · 16/08/2021 20:34

Do anything, absolutely anything, with a ::head tilt:: and a ::tinkly laugh::

TheVolturi · 16/08/2021 20:36

Pet related issues such as naughty, out of control, peeing everywhere, barking, all seem to be able to be fixed by feeding a raw diet!

WibbleyPie · 16/08/2021 20:45

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Op is absolutely skint. They work fulltime, they rent social housing (a tiny, badly maintained flat full of mould), they can barely make their bus fare to work by the end of the month...

'You can buy a ten bedroom mansion near me for only 25 times your annual salary'. How exactly do they a) save a deposit, b) get a mortgage approved when they're on the bones of their arse already, c) afford to move 580 miles away, and d) assuming they found this magical mortgage lender, pay a fricking mortgage when they would have to give up their job in order to live in the Outer Hebrides round the corner from the poster where house prices are so low precisely because no fucker can get a job there?

'Rent somewhere cheaper'. Social housing is cheaper. That's the point of it. So you're actually suggesting that they give up the cheapest rent in their current location and the security of a social housing tenancy for a private tenancy with no security, where they won't pass affordability checks, don't have a deposit or advance rent BECAUSE THEY'RE SKINT AND CAN'T SAVE, whilst also giving up their employment and having to find moving expenses down the back of the sofa?

Oh, but then they come up with the winning suggestion 'Pay them six months rent up front instead'. It really doesn't work like that - they still have to pass affordability checks, which they won't and they don't have six months' private rent stuffed down the back of the sofa either.

Yep, this. "Cut your outgoings" not willing to understand that as well as having SH and paying the cheapest rent usually already, many people on low incomes don't have anything left to cut, the things they struggle with are things that are fixed like council tax, or travel expenses to work, having to buy certain things for school uniform from school suppliers with no alternative, gas and electric have standing charges and PAYG is more expensive, water rates have to be paid, internet access and a device and a phone are essential if you work for contact or are looking for work/getting top up benefits, things like shoes and trousers etc and sometimes full work uniforms have to be bought because in many places they're not supplied, but it's all drop the Sky subscription and stop buying booze and fags because that's where you're going wrong.
meanderingthrough · 16/08/2021 20:47

Block them. Call 101. Ask for a welfare check. Try counselling.

Antsinyourpanta · 16/08/2021 20:54

A recent thread about housing documented how difficult it was to buy a hous. Lots of posters talked about having second hand furniture, not going on holiday , not having luxuries, not going out for meals to be able to afford their first house completely ignoring that they probably borrowed 3 x their wages when the same house today might be 20 x the buyers wages...

DanglingMod · 16/08/2021 20:59

@OoglyMoogly

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Both my recent jobs (the last ended 8 years ago) you could switch to part-time/full time or term time only pretty much on request.

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours

All my jobs have had the hours per week to be worked written into my contract. You do have a contract?

I think what the OP meant was that tons and tons of jobs don't pay overtime full stop. Most public sector roles, if you're full-time, you get a published salary and that's it. No overtime/extra hours available.
TheSilveryPussycat · 16/08/2021 21:00

@Fizbosshoes

I'm a bit nervous about driving on a motorway/in the dark/in a city /in a country lane.

you shouldnt really be driving at all - you sound like a danger to other road users!!

(I think half of MN were born knowing how to drive an HGV or double decker bus and have never felt nervous or cautious of any situation in their entire life!Confused)

This!

Motorways are much worse since I first learned to drive. Many many more lorries, and lorries with tyres that throw up so much spray in the air that overtaking them is like driving blind through a waterfall. And there is no way I am going on the M25 again Shock

And it may seem that I am hogging the middle lane, but I'm coming up to all these lorries in the inside lane, you may be able to weave back and forth from the inside lane to the middle lane, but I can't.

Sigh.

Toooldforthis321 · 16/08/2021 21:02

Some poor woman frazzled by looking after her partners kids and dares to post on the step parent board to be told:

"You knew what you were getting into when you married someone who already had kids."

maddiemookins16mum · 16/08/2021 21:04

I’ll never forget reading on here a mum whinging that her kids were still hungry after coming back from their dads where they’d had a perfectly decent evening meal.
The solution, no word of a lie, ‘whip them up a Cottage pie’. Not a ping dinner, oh no, a cooked from scratch cottage pie.
It takes me hours to make cottage pie.

Toooldforthis321 · 16/08/2021 21:04

There was one on here a few weeks ago where the OP didn't want to go on holiday with her nephew because he had bitten her DC badly.
The solution: all chip in for a nanny on holiday to help look after him Confused

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/08/2021 21:05

"Can your DH get a 2nd job in the evening/weekends"?

This is the same DH who has to do half the housework , put the DC to bed , pick up shopping on his way home , do night feeds and share weekend lie-ins .
And be available at the drop of a hat (from his 2 jobs) to pick up a child from school / do the School Run and get to work late .

"CF schoolmum asks me to pick up Jenny and Jimmy and keep hold of them . It's after 8.30 when she rolls up "

Tell her you charge £10/hour and give them an invoice.
(Only if you're a childminder )

"DH and I have 2 small DC 4&5 . we want to take them to CentreParcs in June when its cheaper . But he has a 14to DS - my DSS- and if we go in July it's twice the price . DSS isn't fussed about CentreParcs with two preschoolers . He goes to Malta with his Mum DH exW and her DP"

You should always include DSS , even if you have to go camping in a muddy field in Grimsby . Doesn't matter if he'd rather eat his own eyeballs , you have to include him , he's your DH son and your DC step brother .

Though I'll bet you the farm ExW never says "Shall we go on holiday and invite your Step Siblings ?

camelfinger · 16/08/2021 21:09

Find some new friends (by getting a hobby).
Learn to drive (don’t worry about all the other costs involved).
Don’t ask anyone for any favours, that makes you a cheeky fucker.
You are the adult. Just mention that to a badly behaved child and they’ll simply fall into line.
Get obsessed about minor environmental issues e.g rinsing out recycling but refuse to scale back on car use and flights.

Lostmyway86 · 16/08/2021 21:11

The one that makes my blood boil to new mothers.... 'you think it's bad now (i.e with a newborn), wait until you hit the 4 month sleep regression'.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 16/08/2021 21:13

@Lostmyway86

The one that makes my blood boil to new mothers.... 'you think it's bad now (i.e with a newborn), wait until you hit the 4 month sleep regression'.
Or 'enjoy the cuddles'....GAAAAAAAAGAGAGAGA!!
FanOnCurtainsClosed · 16/08/2021 21:14

Don't answer the door if you're not expecting someone with written permission.

Toooldforthis321 · 16/08/2021 21:14

"Could your DC / DH be autistic?"

To a small problem that could have so many more probably explanations Confused