Mumsnet solutions that amuse / bemuse me

[Wishimaywishimight]

Relationship problems;

LTB - fair enough when it's dire circumstances, abuse etc. but oftentimes it's when DH/DP grumbles about doing a household task or wants to take a nap.

Change the locks - DH/DP stays out late after going for a drink and neglects to keep in touch with partner / spouse.

Leave his bags outside the front door - see above.

Money problems;

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours. If I said to my boss that I wanted to increase my hours she would say in rather a puzzled tone; "Fine, come in earlier, leave later, whatever you like".

Noisy Neighbours;

Move to a detached house - um, yes, that's an easy solution. Where I live a detached house is probably €80k more expensive than a semi-detached so cost would be a consideration.

DH/DP doesn't want to get married and/or have children;

Dump him and find a man who does. Often the OP's in these situations are mid to late 30's - are there really hordes of eligible single men out there queueing up to meet 30 something women with a frantically ticking biological clock?

Trying to think of a few more, these are the ones that jumped out at me!

Possibly Mookie81🤣

Using 'No' as a complete sentence to anything that inconveniences you.

Insisting family members (teenagers and upwards) all do their own laundry individually, combined loads and folding loved ones laundry is them just taking the piss.

Also just cooking for oneself seems an option. 'My DP is a vegetarian, any recipe suggestions?'..fuck him, cook for yourself let him sort himself out selfish fucker.

Oh, yes, and apparently no thought given to the downside of people traipsing in and out of the kitchen/utility room/servants’ quarters all day long cooking umpteen individual meals and doing separate loads of laundry.

Another addition to the MN lexicon in the last few years: I’ve been thrown under the bus, aka someone’s done something I don’t wholly approve of or find mildly inconvenient.

I’ve always been been perplexed by “Did you mean to be so rude?” I mean it’s just so …lame.
I can’t imagine anyone using this in real life.

Ha! I was tempted to use that yesterday in a local WhatsApp group, where someone was incredibly rude but a longer reply/rebuke would have been too public and inappropriate.

@Spysolation

I’ve always been been perplexed by “Did you mean to be so rude?” I mean it’s just so …lame. I can’t imagine anyone using this in real life.

Me too! ‘Cos the answer quite patently is ‘ yep, 100%, and not a fuck do I give’

I’m often surprised by the attitude to nannies on here. Nannies must be kind and warm, do everything that their employers want them to (even if it isn’t possible), never get cross and never have any opinion on the children or house. That isn’t a nanny, it’s a robot.

If someone comes on to say that they have an issue with the nanny, the advice is usually to sack her. If the nanny comes on, they are told that they are staff and should not have an opinion on anything.

You’re quite right. For all its progressiveness in (some) other areas, MN can be quite Dickensian when it comes to employing people in the home. Woe betide a cleaner who breaks a vase.

There's one at the minute where a teacher is saying she's struggling with money.

We have:

1. Move to a better paid position.

And

2. As a teacher I'm surprised you're into your overdraft each month.

3. Yes because that's so easy. Just tell your head teacher you want a promotion / paid more or 'just' get another job somewhere else

4. I didn't know teachers were extremely well paid & rolling in it. Never mind the poster has no idea what the OP's income & outgoings are.

‘LTB’. Usually for something as stupid as you sneezed but he didn’t say bless you.

Every time someone suggests that the person who did that shitty thing to the OP has a serious mental health issue I find myself thinking ‘or maybe they’re just a c*nt’.

@Spysolation

I’ve always been been perplexed by “Did you mean to be so rude?” I mean it’s just so …lame. I can’t imagine anyone using this in real life.

I feel the same about ‘FOTHFSOF’ etc, it’s a just shit a shit comeback.

Get a nanny/cleaner/au pair. Many posters are struggling financially as it is.

Suggesting posters ask a friend/neighbour for help eg reciprocal childcare. Then you get lots of posts about CF requests.

"Increase your hours" makes sense if you're on some sort of crappy contract like 18 hours a week, or you have to request amounts. No, it doesn't make sense for those of us in cushy 9-5 work.

"Ditch your friends" is pretty funny but so are some of the 'friends' people post about.

‘Lazy DH? Just get a cleaner’ always does it for me.