Mumsnet solutions that amuse / bemuse me

[Wishimaywishimight]

Relationship problems;

LTB - fair enough when it's dire circumstances, abuse etc. but oftentimes it's when DH/DP grumbles about doing a household task or wants to take a nap.

Change the locks - DH/DP stays out late after going for a drink and neglects to keep in touch with partner / spouse.

Leave his bags outside the front door - see above.

Money problems;

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours. If I said to my boss that I wanted to increase my hours she would say in rather a puzzled tone; "Fine, come in earlier, leave later, whatever you like".

Noisy Neighbours;

Move to a detached house - um, yes, that's an easy solution. Where I live a detached house is probably €80k more expensive than a semi-detached so cost would be a consideration.

DH/DP doesn't want to get married and/or have children;

Dump him and find a man who does. Often the OP's in these situations are mid to late 30's - are there really hordes of eligible single men out there queueing up to meet 30 something women with a frantically ticking biological clock?

Trying to think of a few more, these are the ones that jumped out at me!

@TalesOfDrunkennessAndCruelty

I’m equally surprised by the number of homes in which examining your partner’s phone to check they’re not having a clandestine affair is (apparently, according to MN) the norm. That seems to bespeak deep-rooted problems in the relationship that phone-checking won’t fix.

Or logging into their Facebook/WhatsApp/ emails.

Just remembered another - babies don’t cost much only love or have you checked the benefit calculator to see if you can have another child, quit work etc.

@SudokuZebra

I avtt still remember a few years ago , Jack Monroe came on and did an AMA . And a mumsnetter , in all seriousness , thought it was appropriate to ask why she didn't terminate the pregnancy of her then son, as she'd only been 23 when she became pregnant.

Actually I’m not shocked. Nothing surprises me about this place anymore. I often wonder if these posters are as twisted in RL or if they manage to contain their nastiness to their heads.

I know it's AMA but really? Who would honestly think that was an appropriate question apart from an utter twat?

@SudokuZebra

I agree re the 'mental load'. Never ever came across this phrase before MN. Just seems to me to be making a mountain out of a molehill. Buy a diary, use Microsoft Outlook (or similar), keep a list.

In a similar vein; 'meal planning'. For us, that means, "d'you fancy anything in particular this week?". Make a list accordingly then buy the stuff on the weekend shop.

Every time I see 'mental load' I get an image of Sam from Lord of the Rings saying 'share the load'

I remember one poster complaining about the mental load and how this prevented her from getting a job because she had to do the “school uniform admin”.

The advice - in between howls of laughter - was to get organised as this shouldn’t stop her getting a job of she wanted one Three older kids on and I’m still not sure what school uniform admin is

A few years ago there were a couple of threads about how the OP’s daughter had hair so long it was causing some sort of problem at school. It was amazing how many people came on to suggest elaborate plaiting solutions (I think the daughter’s hair was too long and thick for a single bun and the school “banned” side buns as “too modern”).

Anyone who suggested that, actually, chopping a few inches of ankle length hair would not be a terrible idea were thoroughly shouted down.

Similarly 'life admin'. For me (I appreciate I am not representative of MNers as I have no kids, it's just me and DH) this largely means insurance - house / car / health (annual), car tax (annual), property tax (annual). All other bills that I can think of are on direct debit. Dentist, doctor appointments etc - a few of these each year.

It’s a puzzle because everyone on MN is a great brain (5 PhDs apiece from Russell Group universities, doncha know) yet, as you say, apparently flummoxed by having to buy school uniform.

Get a cleaner as if everyone can afford one. I don’t personally know anyone who has a cleaner and I’m MC.

@TalesOfDrunkennessAndCruelty - isn't that because the au pair / nanny is supposed to do all that? I mean, what do they pay her (a pittance) for? Harrumph. Can't get the staff these days.

Don't even get me started on "You have a DH problem". FFS, this can be used in virtually any situation, really irritates me. And seriously, if you are reading a thread and 50 people ahead of you have said exactly this, what on earth is the point in re-iterating it??

@SimonJT

If you have ever raised your voice to anyone you’re both dangerous and abusive.

If you’re a man…

Iklboo - Yes, it may be. Or it may be that, having 5 PhDs from Russell Group universities, one is so occupied with elevated intellectual thoughts about the nature of existence that one doesn't notice that the children have nothing to wear to school.

Actually rather than solutions that piss me off its more the over egging of the problem.
Eg.
My dd has got 4 grade 7 gcses, 2 grade 6 and a grade 5. Not sure about what to do for next steps.
There is always a vociferous person telling OP that their kid should have worked harder, needs to pull their socks up and maybe should not do A levels as they are not "academic".
Rather than its a perfectly decent set of results.

The Mumsnet binary of spending 50 out of 52 weekends a year/speaking on the phone three times a day for an hour a time with your enormous extended family, or 'going LC/NC'.

I don't think I know anybody who has ever gone NC with their family. Some like theirs less than others, so don't spend as much time with them, but I think that's quite normal.

Oh yes - 'I couldn't dream of not giving my cousin fourteen times removed my first born and left kidney! What are families for? You sound very cold & hard work'.

Versus

'I would rather eat myself from the feet up than spend 15 seconds in my sister's company. She once ripped my Nik Kershaw poster and I've never forgiven her'.

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Actually rather than solutions that piss me off its more the over egging of the problem. Eg. My dd has got 4 grade 7 gcses, 2 grade 6 and a grade 5. Not sure about what to do for next steps. There is always a vociferous person telling OP that their kid should have worked harder, needs to pull their socks up and maybe should not do A levels as they are not "academic". Rather than its a perfectly decent set of results.

People say this? FFS! If someone said that about my child they'd be getting an earful.

Blocking them on your phone and not answering the door is the MN solution to whiney neighbours. And telling them to F of when they do manage to catch you in the garden. Alternately have all your shopping delivered and only go out in the dark so they dont ever see you. Or frighten them so much that they are too scared to knock at your door or approach you.

Not answering the door to anyone who hasn’t “booked in”seems to be another. There must be no meter readers, no drooping by without permission etc.

@HarrisMcCoo

Need to be wearing a Tena pad to get through this thread....so funny 🤣🤣

Is this the new 'spit out your tea'?