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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Mumsnet solutions that amuse / bemuse me

314 replies

Wishimaywishimight · 16/08/2021 16:06

Relationship problems;

LTB - fair enough when it's dire circumstances, abuse etc. but oftentimes it's when DH/DP grumbles about doing a household task or wants to take a nap.

Change the locks - DH/DP stays out late after going for a drink and neglects to keep in touch with partner / spouse.

Leave his bags outside the front door - see above.

Money problems;

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours. If I said to my boss that I wanted to increase my hours she would say in rather a puzzled tone; "Fine, come in earlier, leave later, whatever you like".

Noisy Neighbours;

Move to a detached house - um, yes, that's an easy solution. Where I live a detached house is probably €80k more expensive than a semi-detached so cost would be a consideration.

DH/DP doesn't want to get married and/or have children;

Dump him and find a man who does. Often the OP's in these situations are mid to late 30's - are there really hordes of eligible single men out there queueing up to meet 30 something women with a frantically ticking biological clock?

Trying to think of a few more, these are the ones that jumped out at me!

OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 16/08/2021 21:18

Move to a cheaper area.
Righto.Thats that sorted.

And.....
Why did you have a child with this man?
Helpful

Toooldforthis321 · 16/08/2021 21:20

"Your DC is 14 and should be able to sort it themselves."

To an issue that clearly needs some form of adult intervention.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/08/2021 21:21

Oh and the other one that grinds my gears:

"I'm looking for a 3 bedroom with a study or room to extend . In Zone 2/3 . Near good schools ( Primary and Secondary)and transport . I neeed to get to Moorgate . Garden and parking . Budget max £850"

What about this one OP , it's lovely , half an acre and 3 beds
It's in the middle of a tiny village , 8 miles from the train station. By no stretch Zone Bloody Anything

Or this - three beds but you could go up in the loft . Good school for Primary but Secondary is a bit iffy . Could you go private ? Bit over budget but you could offer under . See what they say ? Its Zone 3 near the staion

Oh my God , £850 would buy a CASTLE where I live , London prices are Mad!
(The OP wants to live in London, not in yoour Castle town)

joystir59 · 16/08/2021 21:22

Mildly amusing post: 'I've just literally spat my tea all over my keyboard, and woken DH up"

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/08/2021 21:26

"Make your DH speak to MIL"
"And what has your DH said to his Mother"?
"You dont have a MIL problem you have a DH problem, make him speak to her"

Or maybe just be a bloody adult and speak to her yoursef
Usually about something very trivial

Toooldforthis321 · 16/08/2021 21:28

This thread is amusing.
Another one:

"Get them a case of champagne to say thank you."

Because a bunch of flowers or bottle of wine isn't enough.

DanglingMod · 16/08/2021 21:40

I don't think I've given anyone a gift as expensive as a case of champagne in my entire life.

JaninesEyePatch · 16/08/2021 21:44

Worried about Covid? Lose weight - you've had 18 months to do something about it.

Chainson · 16/08/2021 21:44

The ones where the suggestion is to leave the children with a hungover/ still pissed parent to teach them a lesson piss me right off. It is so obvious that it comes from a place from the poster suggesting it whose spouse would, in this scenario get up and actually deal with the children- feed them, take them to the park with a coffee in hand, give them screens and snooze on the sofa etc. They literally cannot see outside of their own bubble and imagine that for some their suggestion would literally mean the children (babies sometimes!) would sit indoors all day with no input or fucks given whilst the mother is off having lunch with friends or even caring for an elderly relative etc. It's like 'He WILL step up. Mine would so HE will also'. No, your lovely DH might be lovely and just lovely even when he's hanging but please imagine for one moment everyone may not live the same way you do and the children you're giving this advice about exist! Like real children, just like yours! Bring yours round to be babysat and go out with the OP of the thread to take her for her spa day, you would right?! Angry

JaninesEyePatch · 16/08/2021 21:45

@joystir59

Mildly amusing post: 'I've just literally spat my tea all over my keyboard, and woken DH up"
🤣
Parentingdilemmas · 16/08/2021 21:56

I honestly wonder if everyone keeps being advised to LTB for every little up and down in a marriage or relationship then how will we ever make each other better, how will be ever obey the marriage vows, how will we ever be there for our partners during dark times if we leave them as soon as they make one blunder. I’m not talking about big cock ups like cheating, abuse etc but things like slacking with chores or maybe could pull their weight more x

Floogal · 16/08/2021 21:56

Trying to ween DS and he's refusing solids...

"have you tried finger food?"

Even refusing finger food ☹️

CampAshpit · 16/08/2021 22:12

Boss: Can you stay late on Wednesday, we need to get that report done?
Me: No.
Boss: Oh, why not? It's needed for the Board meeting.
Me: No.
Boss: Um, are you feeling ok

Love this! Grin

Floogal · 16/08/2021 22:20

@tiptype

On your own in a small flat with 7 children, no money and no internet? Start your own business!
Yeah starting your own business doesn't work for most people sadly
Antsinyourpanta · 16/08/2021 22:31

tiptype

On your own in a small flat with 7 children, no money and no internet? Start your own business!

Yeah starting your own business doesn't work for most people sadly

...Not to mention that a large % of start ups make a loss in their first year....

ICantFindTheBuffet · 16/08/2021 22:35

@Pumperthepumper

My most favourite is when someone falls out with a friend (sometimes a colleague) and someone types an example of a text they could send. Except the text is always really formal, and in no way how normal people communicate - like ‘sarah, you and I need to arrange a mutually beneficial meeting in a neutral location to discuss this disagreement. While I see your point of view, I feel your participation in my business should cease immediately’
GrinGrin
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 16/08/2021 22:36

@Wishimaywishimight

When a poster is complaining that their DH/DP has rolled in drunk at 8am one solution often offered is to leave the child/children with said DH/DP and head out for the day. I mean; a) how much would one enjoy a day out knowing the kids are likely being ignored while daddy sleeps and b) the solution to some idiotic behaviour on the part of one party is hardly for the other party to essentially replicate it by also going AWOL. It might be briefly satisfying but it doesn't solve the issue in the long term.
Yes! I bloody hate that advice. I always think who does that to their children?! I know what I'm like after a night of drinking. I can't function. DP has to do everything the next day. Well everything is a stretch, he feeds the children and usually me 😂
Malin52 · 16/08/2021 22:38

Spa day. Always a spa day.

Elvisinthechipshop · 16/08/2021 22:43

"Just give (the baby) what you eat".

Fine if you eat lots of low-salt home-cooked nutritionally-balanced food which is suitable for a child without teeth. Not ideal for posters who say they can't cook or eat a lot of microwave meals.

Fizbosshoes · 16/08/2021 22:47

The ones where the suggestion is to leave the children with a hungover/ still pissed parent to teach them a lesson piss me right off. It is so obvious that it comes from a place from the poster suggesting it whose spouse would, in this scenario get up and actually deal with the children- feed them, take them to the park with a coffee in hand, give them screens and snooze on the sofa etc. They literally cannot see outside of their own bubble and imagine that for some their suggestion would literally mean the children (babies sometimes!) would sit indoors all day with no input or fucks given whilst the mother is off having lunch with friends or even caring for an elderly relative etc. It's like 'He WILL step up. Mine would so HE will also'. No, your lovely DH might be lovely and just lovely even when he's hanging but please imagine for one moment everyone may not live the same way you do and the children you're giving this advice about exist! Like real children, just like yours! Bring yours round to be babysat and go out with the OP of the thread to take her for her spa day, you would right?!

Similarly if a posters DH or DP (or adult children) doesnt pull their weight at home, "just go on strike/stop doing everything and go to a hotel"

I think the theory is that the person not pulling their weight will immediately see that the dishes need doing and the laundry is not hung out and also move their shoes, socks, sports kit, wet towels etc from wherever they dumped them.

Reality is that the OP will have to live in a chaotic and messy house for days, maybe a week until a) the person runs out of dishes/pants/towels/sports kit or b) the OP caves in and resumes the tasks and now has a weeks worth of tasks to do because no one else has noticed yet, or is not bothered!!

JaninesEyePatch · 16/08/2021 23:00

Always ALWAYS on AIBU - the OP could literally say that her best friend had shagged her husband, slapped her toddler, ran over her mum and then set the house alight whilst laughing like the Joker

"Have you ever thought that she might be struggling?"

"Is this a drip feed?"

"There must be more to this"

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/08/2021 23:06

@Antsinyourpanta

tiptype

On your own in a small flat with 7 children, no money and no internet? Start your own business!

Yeah starting your own business doesn't work for most people sadly

...Not to mention that a large % of start ups make a loss in their first year....

And don't forget that you can always get a Nanny or Au Pair to look after your 7 children in a two bedroom flat if the childcare falls through.

Of course, you'd have to have the children sleeping in hammocks in your bedroom like sailors on the Mary Rose in order to provide the Au Pair with her own room, plus her own car and spending money and the Nanny would willingly shut herself in a single room whilst you try and work sitting on your bed for only forty grand plus a year whilst you're struggling to make enough to pay the rent, but hey, it was the best thing they ever did apart from having a cleaner twice a week for five hours...

MazDazzle · 16/08/2021 23:12

Someone once posted on AIBU asking if they WBU not making their kids pancakes before school on shrove Tuesday and waiting until the afternoon instead.

By the responses you’d think she was starving her children! Apparently she was being VVVVVVU. It takes less than three minutes to whip up pancakes from scratch for heaven's sake!

paepoyrol · 16/08/2021 23:16

can't afford to buy a house or move house or live in general? "OP I earned 20k 3 yrs ago & now am on 120k. I found a niche market (never explained) & made strategic moves".

Fizbosshoes · 16/08/2021 23:29

I'm always amazed at how no one asks or offers favours and the class whatsapp group is the root of all evil. I love our class whatsapp group and ask for (and return) or offer favours, as do other people on the group....I thought that was normal thing among friends...until I joined MN!Confused