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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Mumsnet solutions that amuse / bemuse me

314 replies

Wishimaywishimight · 16/08/2021 16:06

Relationship problems;

LTB - fair enough when it's dire circumstances, abuse etc. but oftentimes it's when DH/DP grumbles about doing a household task or wants to take a nap.

Change the locks - DH/DP stays out late after going for a drink and neglects to keep in touch with partner / spouse.

Leave his bags outside the front door - see above.

Money problems;

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours. If I said to my boss that I wanted to increase my hours she would say in rather a puzzled tone; "Fine, come in earlier, leave later, whatever you like".

Noisy Neighbours;

Move to a detached house - um, yes, that's an easy solution. Where I live a detached house is probably €80k more expensive than a semi-detached so cost would be a consideration.

DH/DP doesn't want to get married and/or have children;

Dump him and find a man who does. Often the OP's in these situations are mid to late 30's - are there really hordes of eligible single men out there queueing up to meet 30 something women with a frantically ticking biological clock?

Trying to think of a few more, these are the ones that jumped out at me!

OP posts:
ladygindiva · 16/08/2021 16:46

"retrain"
🤣

ditalini · 16/08/2021 16:46

Oh, and flowers.

Flowers, half a case of "good wine"/champagne, flowers, "posh chocs", supermarket vouchers. In a hamper.

LilacTreeFern · 16/08/2021 16:47

"Try councelling", because you've obviously got lots of spare time and money when you've got small children, jobs and nursery fees.
To be fair, my job project-based so it's very easy to increase or decrease hours and lots of us do. And my DH used to work a job-share with a friend and they applied together.

WilheminaVenable · 16/08/2021 16:48

The minute your child turns 18 they’re an adult so even if they’re living in your house paying no bills they can do drugs/drink every night/see whoever they want it’s no longer any of your business Wink

SimonJT · 16/08/2021 16:50

If you have ever raised your voice to anyone you’re both dangerous and abusive.

WibbleyPie · 16/08/2021 16:51

Get a better job, do some training so you can earn more, progress your career

Oh God, get a better job 🤦 so annoying and so narrow minded.

GoodMorrowFairMaiden · 16/08/2021 16:51

You all need a spa day. And put it on your dps credit card.

Whattheschitt · 16/08/2021 16:51

If i see "no is a complete sentence" one more time i might rip my own eyes out. 😂😂

iklboo · 16/08/2021 16:54

'We've got no money in the bank. 23p to last us until the end of the month. No family at all, no friends nearby'.

Just get a credit card
Surely you have family / friends nearby?
Sell stuff on eBay / Facebook
Take in ironing
Get a part time job
Look down the back of your couch / chairs

RudeAF · 16/08/2021 16:55

Your post about how you are on the bones of your arse because you have a low paying job and five kids was beautifully written OP, why not become a writer?

Toddlerteaplease · 16/08/2021 16:56

Relationship problems and a new pregnancy, have a termination.

Maireas · 16/08/2021 16:56

Get a cleaner - that really annoys me, not everyone can afford it!
Batch cook - to someone depressed and struggling. They can just about manage to heat up beans and you're suggesting they spend a whole evening creating massive meals?

Wishimaywishimight · 16/08/2021 17:00

@RudeAF Brilliant - I love it! I mean, where the fuck would one publish one's rantings about daily life??

Seriously, where? If I knew somewhere I would do exactly that. Cheaper than therapy and easier to access.

OP posts:
Hidehi4 · 16/08/2021 17:01

When someone has been a dick to someone. Are they on the spectrum are you sure they aren’t autistic, sounds like they have Aspergers 🤬

Wishimaywishimight · 16/08/2021 17:02

@Whattheschitt

Same here, utterly idiotic. If someone asks something of you and you reply "no" surely they are just going to wait for the rest of the sentence.

Boss: Can you stay late on Wednesday, we need to get that report done?
Me: No.
Boss: Oh, why not? It's needed for the Board meeting.
Me: No.
Boss: Um, are you feeling ok?

OP posts:
Twatterati · 16/08/2021 17:02

@ElderflowerRose hahaha, yes! Turning off the WiFi literally never, ever worked with any of my teens. And I never really knew how to anyway!!

Same as "remove their gadgets/ground them..." or "get them out of bed and TAKE THEM TO SCHOOL..."

A five foot nothing, 55 kilo mum with no other adult in the house will never be able to do any of this with a 6 foot, 70 kilo DS/DD/monster teen. (Apart from in the parallel universe of MN). I had to resort to "logging it with 101/the police" Which went well... 😵‍💫

BearSoFair · 16/08/2021 17:02

Move house - as a solution to any problem with neighbours, however small. Because it's really that easy to just uproot and go!

Wishimaywishimight · 16/08/2021 17:03

DH is a lazy bastard. He shouted at me, ignored the kids, lay on the sofa all day and asked me where his dinner was.

MN response: Could he be depressed?

Well, yes of course he could but more likely he's lazy/in bad form/lazy...

OP posts:
ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 16/08/2021 17:03

Teens.. turn the WiFi off.
Toddlers.. could they have autism / ADHD head tilt (of course sometimes an OP’s post is indicative of special needs, but not every post about relatively normal toddler behaviour).
Husband.. get your ducks in a row / get your free half hour with a solicitor.
Partner.. now of course you should have married him before you had dc.

iklboo · 16/08/2021 17:04

@Hidehi4 - or early onset dementia.

Spysolation · 16/08/2021 17:05

New exhausted mum of a newborn with a feckless / useless/ abusive partner prone to drug/ alcohol binges?
Spa day! Leave him with the baby for a few nights. Just express some milk .

SweetToTheBeat · 16/08/2021 17:06

When people ask for opinions on an area of a city or town they are moving to people always say the most expensive part of town is the place to be. Where the excellent secondary has a catchment of 50m and houses are three times the price if the ones in the area they are asking about.

Twatterati · 16/08/2021 17:07

"Have a nice hot bath, with your fave posh chocs and luxury bath oil"

Hmm Ok then. In our one loo house I'll definitely benefit from this 'luxury me time' and come out to a totally appreciative family. More like they'll each need a dump, there'll be no hot water anyway and I am not going out, right now, to buy these elusive posh f-ing chocs!

AdaThorne · 16/08/2021 17:09

DH not sharing night feeds/pulling his weight/generally being an arse to the extent you're hallucinating with tiredness doing it all?

Check into a hotel for the night and leave him to do it all.

Bonus points if it has a spa...

Muddydoor · 16/08/2021 17:16

Partner is really mean and/or abusive? Marry him! So you can divorce him! Possibly the dickest and most dangerous advice ever.