Mumsnet solutions that amuse / bemuse me

[Wishimaywishimight]

Relationship problems;

LTB - fair enough when it's dire circumstances, abuse etc. but oftentimes it's when DH/DP grumbles about doing a household task or wants to take a nap.

Change the locks - DH/DP stays out late after going for a drink and neglects to keep in touch with partner / spouse.

Leave his bags outside the front door - see above.

Money problems;

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours. If I said to my boss that I wanted to increase my hours she would say in rather a puzzled tone; "Fine, come in earlier, leave later, whatever you like".

Noisy Neighbours;

Move to a detached house - um, yes, that's an easy solution. Where I live a detached house is probably €80k more expensive than a semi-detached so cost would be a consideration.

DH/DP doesn't want to get married and/or have children;

Dump him and find a man who does. Often the OP's in these situations are mid to late 30's - are there really hordes of eligible single men out there queueing up to meet 30 something women with a frantically ticking biological clock?

Trying to think of a few more, these are the ones that jumped out at me!

I do think a lot of people on here are in a bit of a middle class bubble and have never been truly or even slightly skint. To me going on a Uk holiday or shopping at Aldi isn't slumming it, it's normal. When someone is having to decide between eating vs putting £5 on the electricity meter or getting a bus pass for work (an hour's drive away and they can't afford a car or to lose their job) vs DC's shoes, they don't have any further cuts to make so suggesting they fire the au pair or stop shopping at Waitrose isn't going to help. Nor is selling things on eBay as this presupposes the things have second hand value. Unlikely for primark t shirts that have been used by 2 DC.

@DrCoconut

I do think a lot of people on here are in a bit of a middle class bubble and have never been truly or even slightly skint. To me going on a Uk holiday or shopping at Aldi isn't slumming it, it's normal. When someone is having to decide between eating vs putting £5 on the electricity meter or getting a bus pass for work (an hour's drive away and they can't afford a car or to lose their job) vs DC's shoes, they don't have any further cuts to make so suggesting they fire the au pair or stop shopping at Waitrose isn't going to help. Nor is selling things on eBay as this presupposes the things have second hand value. Unlikely for primark t shirts that have been used by 2 DC.

Yeah, I've been there!

Which reminds me …

OP: I’ve been offered a job with a salary of £800,000. Is that good?

MN: That won’t go far in London, you know.

@TalesOfDrunkennessAndCruelty

Which reminds me …

OP: I’ve been offered a job with a salary of £800,000. Is that good?

MN: That won’t go far in London, you know.

Even worse, it won’t cover fees for private school, your poor child will be a failure if they mix with the awful working class.

*OP: I’ve been offered a job with a salary of £800,000. Is that good?

MN: That won’t go far in London, you know.*

So true...

Mumsnetters never, ever take s day's sick leave either

Not the threads I've seen where the advice is "See your GP and get them to sifgn you off sick" over and over .

Mumsnetters also seem incapable of understanding anything they deem a "bit common." The amount of mumsnetters who "don't understand" an Xmas Eve box baffles me

Oh , the "Is this A Thing" goes hand-in-hand with "I don't understand" .
Christmas Eve Hampers/EotS/Dec 1st Boxes .

No it's not 'A Thing' , no-one is making you walk the plank if you don't buy your DC a Hamper .

OP : some neighbours brought me a meal after I had a baby....
MN 1: I couldnt accept a meal unless they had a restaurant standard kitchen, had completed hygeine course level 2 million and had never in their life owned (or visited a house with) a cat or dog
MN 2: why on earth would you need a meal ? you have only had a baby. People do it all the time. It is not an illness. I worked until 3 minutes before my 6th child was born, my DH worked away all week, and I had batch cooked and frozen meals for the first 3 weeks and then cooked from scratch thereafter.
MN 3 : it's very American

Oh god and the absolute dramas around Halloween and trick or treat shit.

Okay, some more (based on recent threads);

DH/DP has made unsavoury comments to the OP re her weight - within maybe 3 posts someone comes along with the glib solution of "you can lose 10/11/12 stone immediately" by ditching said DH/DP. This 'advice' is offered by multiple posters, offering it up as the height of wisdom/wit. It is neither.

OP is upset that DH/DP cannot do something/go somewhere with them, the reason may be frivolous and seemingly moveable however it may also be for work reasons which the DH/DP cannot push back against without possibly losing their job or getting into serious difficulty with their employer. Posters immediately leap to "you're not a priority", "you are seeing who he really is", he is "spineless", "weak" etc. No room for subtlety here.

Also, where the above situation relates to a holiday which may be cancelled due to DH/DP unavailability - "take a friend with you". Um, yes indeed, there are always a willing batch of friends ready and able to go on a week's holiday with 24 hours notice.

Equally, "go on your own". Well, yes, travelling alone can of course be enjoyable and empowering yada yada however when what the OP has been happily anticipating is a shared holiday, some joint activities, a bit of romance etc, the prospect of going on a much planned holiday alone may not immediately appeal.

Also, please enlighten me as to why some posters will quote the entirety of the opening post when replying? We all read it because, well, we're responding to it.

@Wishimaywishimight

Okay, some more (based on recent threads);

DH/DP has made unsavoury comments to the OP re her weight - within maybe 3 posts someone comes along with the glib solution of "you can lose 10/11/12 stone immediately" by ditching said DH/DP. This 'advice' is offered by multiple posters, offering it up as the height of wisdom/wit. It is neither.

OP is upset that DH/DP cannot do something/go somewhere with them, the reason may be frivolous and seemingly moveable however it may also be for work reasons which the DH/DP cannot push back against without possibly losing their job or getting into serious difficulty with their employer. Posters immediately leap to "you're not a priority", "you are seeing who he really is", he is "spineless", "weak" etc. No room for subtlety here.

Also, where the above situation relates to a holiday which may be cancelled due to DH/DP unavailability - "take a friend with you". Um, yes indeed, there are always a willing batch of friends ready and able to go on a week's holiday with 24 hours notice.

Equally, "go on your own". Well, yes, travelling alone can of course be enjoyable and empowering yada yada however when what the OP has been happily anticipating is a shared holiday, some joint activities, a bit of romance etc, the prospect of going on a much planned holiday alone may not immediately appeal.

I liked how the solution was to take a man or move to a hotel near a bus stop because a woman clearly couldn’t drive abroad.

‘Get a cleaner’ always cracks me up.
Apart from the obvious cost, has anyone ever tried getting a cleaner? Or harder still keeping them?
I go through cleaners like period pants.

@SimonJT

Love it!

@HelloMissus

‘Get a cleaner’ always cracks me up. Apart from the obvious cost, has anyone ever tried getting a cleaner? Or harder still keeping them? I go through cleaners like period pants.

Or finding one that actually does what they are paid to/doesn't wreck your laminate flooring by soaking it with a mop etc

@HelloMissus

‘Get a cleaner’ always cracks me up. Apart from the obvious cost, has anyone ever tried getting a cleaner? Or harder still keeping them? I go through cleaners like period pants.

Our cleaner recently retired, she was amazing. We’ve tried for a few weeks but we can’t find anyone decent enough to employ, despite the fact thay some were charging £22 per hour!

I never get the advice saying to leave a partner if they don’t want children, seems so wrong as a partner should be about more than just a person that gives the other what they want.

I do find it strange re drinking and weight, lots of denial about what’s healthy or recommended.

Obviously the famous chicken that does millions of meals with leftovers as well is a favourite.

The money ones crop up so often, I wonder if in real life the ironing etc would be managed or whether people would suggest getting a job, making different choices etc.

Also, regarding the "go on holiday alone" advice. Very likely you'll get hit with s single supplement charge or some other punitive charges

This isn't general MN advice but the best one ever for me was on a post where the OP was worried that her husband was getting too close to a mum on the school run.

Someone advised them to;

Spread rumours that potential OW was desperate for a man.

Steal DH's phone and arrange a fake meeting.

Turn up at aforementioned fake meeting and say that DH was fed up of her.

I had no idea where the fuck I was and in which world this was normal behaviour.

I’m equally surprised by the number of homes in which examining your partner’s phone to check they’re not having a clandestine affair is (apparently, according to MN) the norm. That seems to bespeak deep-rooted problems in the relationship that phone-checking won’t fix.