Mumsnet solutions that amuse / bemuse me

[Wishimaywishimight]

Relationship problems;

LTB - fair enough when it's dire circumstances, abuse etc. but oftentimes it's when DH/DP grumbles about doing a household task or wants to take a nap.

Change the locks - DH/DP stays out late after going for a drink and neglects to keep in touch with partner / spouse.

Leave his bags outside the front door - see above.

Money problems;

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours. If I said to my boss that I wanted to increase my hours she would say in rather a puzzled tone; "Fine, come in earlier, leave later, whatever you like".

Noisy Neighbours;

Move to a detached house - um, yes, that's an easy solution. Where I live a detached house is probably €80k more expensive than a semi-detached so cost would be a consideration.

DH/DP doesn't want to get married and/or have children;

Dump him and find a man who does. Often the OP's in these situations are mid to late 30's - are there really hordes of eligible single men out there queueing up to meet 30 something women with a frantically ticking biological clock?

Trying to think of a few more, these are the ones that jumped out at me!

I think what the OP meant was that tons and tons of jobs don't pay overtime full stop. Most public sector roles, if you're full-time, you get a published salary and that's it. No overtime/extra hours available.

You might get paid overtime if there was a good business reason why you needed to, but you wouldn’t if you just wanted to earn more money!

Increase your hours ?- well I’m sure the person who takes over my role at the end of my shift would be thrilled by working less hours
Move to a cheaper area- not always possible besides the house might be cheaper but the money spent on commuting makes that pointless
The ‘I’d never have babies with a man who was a useless man child ‘ brigade - yeah some men don’t display this until you’ve got the babies

Encouraging people to leave a relationship or go nc for a minor issue - not always sensible possible or the best option

MaMelon - It’s a linguistic curiosity (to me, anyway) that when I was young (some time in the Mesolithic era) veggies meant vegetarians and vegetables were referred to as veg. Now, on MN at least, veggies are the home grown, misshapen, organic commodities which MN toddlers enthusiastically wolf down at every meal. How the language evolves.

I know you want a wedding in a lovely venue for 100 people but have you considered a registry office with just you and your DP? You've probably got a dress you can reuse and then you can pop to the pub afterwards for dinner. You'll save so much money and really everyone hates going to a wedding so this is a much better option.

I've never met anyone in real life who is no or low contact with their families but this seems to be the option offered for minor infractions.

And, conversely, I know you are in dire financial straits and want to get married quickly and simply, but have you considered hiring a stately home for the ceremony and a fleet of horse-drawn carriages to convey you and your 475 guests there? Making memories is so important, don’t you think?

Going low or no contact with close family members- for seemingly minor infractions.

I know some instances do lend themselves to cutting people off but it seems Mumsnet users use it as a default. Who has time for all that drama?!

Sorry @Horriblewoman I appear to have pretty much copied your point before even reading it!

Teenager behaving badly, moody, not helping at home? Pregnant 15 years old? Eighteen not giving any money to their parents? Uni student wanting to return to their room once a quarter?
The solution seems always 'they need to get own place' or 'you need to charge them rent'.
I am not originally from the UK and for many years I genuinely thought British families were very odd. Why do they hate their children so much? What's the itch for getting rid of them once they turn 15 and in particular when they are in need of even more support than before? Then I realized in real life all families I know have their children still living there, rent free, until ready to move out to start relationships/work/their own life.

@user1471523870

Teenager behaving badly, moody, not helping at home? Pregnant 15 years old? Eighteen not giving any money to their parents? Uni student wanting to return to their room once a quarter? The solution seems always 'they need to get own place' or 'you need to charge them rent'. I am not originally from the UK and for many years I genuinely thought British families were very odd. Why do they hate their children so much? What's the itch for getting rid of them once they turn 15 and in particular when they are in need of even more support than before? Then I realized in real life all families I know have their children still living there, rent free, until ready to move out to start relationships/work/their own life.

I wonder what the MN family would be like in practice?

Ill start - a chicken carcas in the fridge that will feed a family of 5 for the week and the wife is NC with the MIL for holding one of the children wrong when they were a baby.

"My friend/friendship group has started to exclude me". Just get some new friends! (So easy apparently.)

Of course you should stay home when your children are small. They are only little for a short time etc. Work can wait ...
A few years down the line: well you're a fool to have given up your career/ gone part time. Now your husband has walked out and you're on the breadline!

Child/ teenager being rude/insolent/ ungrateful - probably tired after a long week at school, be more understanding.

"Someone has been really rude and nasty to me for no reason and I'm upset." Well you don't know what is going on with them. They might be suffering with poor mental health / be having a bad day never mind that you might be too

@honeylulu

"My friend/friendship group has started to exclude me". Just get some new friends! (So easy apparently.)

Of course you should stay home when your children are small. They are only little for a short time etc. Work can wait ...
A few years down the line: well you're a fool to have given up your career/ gone part time. Now your husband has walked out and you're on the breadline!

Child/ teenager being rude/insolent/ ungrateful - probably tired after a long week at school, be more understanding.

"Someone has been really rude and nasty to me for no reason and I'm upset." Well you don't know what is going on with them. They might be suffering with poor mental health / be having a bad day never mind that you might be too

"Of course you should stay home when your children are small. They are only little for a short time etc. Work can wait ..." The above, and then few years down the line, often not even old enough for a driving license, 'they need their own place' .

The going no contact advice with family members always baffles me. It's much harder to go no contact than low contact. If you're low contact you can still go (and will be invited to) great aunt muriels funeral. And other family members will still speak to you.

@Wishimaywishimight

I read a thread earlier where an OP was concerned about something - it's a subject I know nothing about so did not contribute but did genuinely feel for her as she was obviously very worried. A less than supportive responder commented on the thread finishing with "this is a non-issue". This pissed me off no end - who are you to tell an OP that her worry is a "non-issue" when clearly to the OP is is very much an issue.

Anyway, that's more of a rant than anything else but there ye go...

Along with "If this is the worst / only thing you have to worry about, I want your life."

The OP has often acknowledged it is a minor issue, they are capable of worrying about more than one thing and lastly it is probably like people in the doctor's office who will tell the doctor for ten minutes about the paper cut on their finger and as they are about to leave will say that they are a bit worried about the lump they have found.

As with so many of the examples above, the posters often reply with the exact thing the op has said they can’t do.
I once posted that my baby wouldn’t sleep, would only sleep for 20 minute bursts. What was wrong, how could I get him to sleep longer? I know he is tired etc
Replies- he needs to sleep longer than that or he will be overtired.
Oh thanks, I’ll try that then.

@Spysolation

In a crisis , trying to escape sun abusive relationship, not a penny, totally isolated, no family around , about to be homeless…?? "Just call your parents! If it was my daughter I’d move heaven and earth to help!"

Yes. And if everyone had those kind of parents they wouldn’t be posting asking for advice, would they.

Also for financial difficulties or childcare: “just ask your parents”

Or people criticising the OP for leaving their child with a ”stranger” (nursery, a good friend, etc) instead of family. In my case most actual strangers wandering the streets would be safer childcare than my parents!

'7 (or 8, 9, 10, 11 etc) is a tricky age.....'

So any age at all basically! Doesn't move anything forward!

Also for financial difficulties or childcare: “just ask your parents

Yes, versus "Your parents don't owe you childcare and you should earn your own money not be grabby and expect handouts".

Part of the collective MN ishoo with parents, I think, is an assumption that everyone else (apart from the ones who’ve gone no contact, natch) has their parents working for them round the clock as childcare, handyperson and general factotum. Anyone who doesn’t have this arrangement is therefore being unfairly deprived and the parents are being utterly unreasonable. But all this is built on a myth - grandparents often don’t live near enough and might be too young (still working), too old or just not in a position to offer regular childcare. Round here (which I don’t think is unusual) it’s a rarity.

@Livpool

"Contact the local dog warden" - I always see this and have never heard of a local dog warden. I am am sure they exist but 🤷🏼‍♀️

To be fair I have contacted a local dog warden and she was brilliant.

Our local council has just seen fit to make ours redundant - just at a time when "everyone" has a lock down dog!

@Floogal

"try going for walks" when the issue of obesity and being overweight comes up. Walking will make negligible difference sadly. To be fair this isn't just in MN

I don't know if I agree with this. Walking is great exercise and it does make a difference. Hence why my DH has put on half a stone during lockdown due to not walking to the station every day! If not walking puts weight on, walking more can take weight off. As long as you don't eat more to compensate for more exercise, that is.

OP:. Me and my partner have been in a long-term relationship, love each other and our kids , own our own home and would like to try for a third/fourth child. We are both healthy and of child bearing age

Or Mumsnet:
Partner ... Partner you should be married !
3 kids and not married are you raving !

(Whereas in my day - and I am married before DC- it was very much Pah its a piece of paper . Once you have children you're commited , you can't tear it up like a wedding certificate )

AKA why buy a cow when all you want is a pint of milk

OP: For various reasons (sometimes medical) my partner and I have stopped/had to stop at one child.

MN: Utterly unreasonable. Your only child will be an unsocialised misfit and you must have at least five more children immediately, to take care of you in your dotage.

I don't know if I agree with this. Walking is great exercise and it does make a difference.

Unless, like me, you have osteoarthritis in my hips, two compressed discs and Ménière's disease which affects my balance to a degree I'm in danger of falling flat on my face with no warning whatsoever.

OP - my child is summer born.

Posters - absolutely defer them a year to start primary school. They will struggle hugely otherwise and end of getting terrible school grades and have an appalling life with no friends.