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Original poster

What would it take for you to never visit your adult DC again?

261 replies

Wookydook · 12/08/2021 14:31

What would your adult DC have to do / change in their life for you to never visit their home again? Assuming you had been going to their house perhaps once a month/every 2 months. Discounting the pandemic and hypothetical transport issues - what would be a "deal breaker"?

OP posts:
gavisconismyfriend · 12/08/2021 20:17

If the pet really is the issue and they still want to see you, then could you meet outside your home when they are passing through your town? In a cafe or whatever with the DC but without the DDog? Perhaps offer that as an option and see what they say. Their response may be telling?

BettyBakesBuns · 12/08/2021 20:26

Is it a breed with a bad reputation? I'm very allergic to cats, although I love them, so that has caused problems when friends have announced they have one, and then invite us for dinner. Sorry no. I love dogs, have a dog, but my mother got a rescue collie that was really aggressive and unpredictable so I had to stop visiting with the children as I couldn't trust she would lock it away (whenever we went she'd start asking if she could bring the dog out, and that's after it had gone for my face when I was just drinking a cup of tea!). So, there may be a reasonable reason for their decision.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 12/08/2021 20:29

Pandering to grown up people is ridiculous.. They know where you live!!
Their choice.

Doidontimmm · 12/08/2021 20:54

What will you do with the pet if you did go and stay with them as if it’s a dog it couldn’t be left all day never mind overnight? I’m therefore assuming cat as they can be left longer.

DeRigueurMortis · 12/08/2021 20:57

Well in answer to your original question, it would have been get a dog/cat Grin.

But, that's because I'm really allergic to pet dander. Hives, breathlessness, eczema flares that last for at least a week even with anti histamines.

I don't/can't visit houses with cats/dogs, so I'd be pretty pissed off and assume they didn't want me to visit!!!

That said your situation is, well very weird...

No allergies and visit other homes with pets.

I can only assume they don't like the effort of travelling to you and this is an excuse to ensure you do all the running...

Original poster
Wookydook · 12/08/2021 20:58

@BettyBakesBuns good idea about the cafe

@30degreesandmeltinghere pandering is ridiculous. And we're going to stop!

@Doidontimmm we have gone away a couple of times and have used a boarding kennel. I wouldn't ever bring a pet to someone's house, especially not overnight. I have no problem with the pet not being welcome in another house. It's the refusal to visit mine that's sticky

OP posts:
Doidontimmm · 12/08/2021 21:00

I think then I’d dig my heels in & ask why, it’s very strange!

mindutopia · 12/08/2021 21:44

Well, for my mum it was discovering that her husband (not my dad) is a convicted paedophile. Obviously, we want no relationship with her while she’s with him, but she has never shown any interest in leaving him and repairing our relationship. She pretends my dc (her only grandchildren, I’m an only child too) don’t exist anymore.

GNCQ · 12/08/2021 23:56

Seriously though if they don't want to visit anymore because of the [cat/dog/sheep/tropical fish] animal you've bought that's their choice and it's valid. Just see them elsewhere if you need to, or go to theirs.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 13/08/2021 00:56

Have your parents ever shown any dislikes, phobias or strong negative emotions? Do you think there is a possibility that they always felt very strongly about this type of pet or breed but hid it from you for your sake? I'm a lot braver dealing with certain situations in front of my children than I'm feeling on the inside.

Alieninmybody · 13/08/2021 01:12

My mother has decided she won't visit our house, which is 100M away, without an invitation. It's both freeing and hurtful at the same time. She regularly pulls these sort of stunts expecting us to plamas her except very over 20 years we've had enough.

It's actually really sad and horrible to be on the receiving end of. I don't know what my DC would have to do to make me take this stance, it would have to be bad.

Alieninmybody · 13/08/2021 01:12

^^100M is meters not miles in case anyone is wondering.

Cocogreen · 13/08/2021 07:47

Is it one those big fighting type dogs ( pit bull? You don't have to say) and she thinks they're dangerous? I'm a cat person and don't like jumpy dogs but it doesn't stop me visiting my friends who have them.
Sounds extreme to never visit but that's their choice.

MrsBobDylan · 13/08/2021 08:07

I really wish my Mum would refuse to visit me because I bought something...she is loathesome!

My Mum went off coming over when we moved to a run down house in a rough area. My poor sister has a lovely house in a lovely place and her life is blighted by visits from our Mum.

Deathraystare · 13/08/2021 08:45

Hypothetical - I don't have grown up/small/any kind of kids but...

If they were involved with sex crimes of any sort/voting Tory/Watching Mrs Brown's Boys/laid that fake grass stuff/ continuous snarky comments to me/physical harm/ drug taking/bored me shitless....

Just as well I have not reproduced!

Original poster
Wookydook · 13/08/2021 08:45

@mindutopia oh my God. I don't know what else to say

@GNCQ yes it's their choice to visit or not. But to announce it when we have never been told they have an issue with this pet (beyond choosing not to have one themselves for lifestyle reasons) seems extreme. We are surprised. Yes, Perhaps they think it's dangerous. We have DC. We would not choose a dangerous pet to live with our DC. This pet is not dangerous.

@Alieninmybody it is hurtful.

OP posts:
stepupandbecounted · 13/08/2021 08:59

mrsbob Your sister needs a downgrade Grin your post made me laugh!

Op, it is hurtful and painful, but on the bright side you now have more time to enjoy your pet and life. I would be breezy about it, 'of course its up to you Mum' and let her get on with it. It could be attention seeking, or she may have developed anxiety over the lockdown, neither you can help with. I would accept their decision with good grace, and try not to let it affect you.

Original poster
Wookydook · 13/08/2021 09:26

@stepupandbecounted good advice. Thank you.

OP posts:
MollyMinniesMum · 13/08/2021 17:28

Hot tub

Notaroadrunner · 13/08/2021 17:49

I have cats. There's not a hope in hell my mother would have visited if I'd had them while she was alive. She hated cats.

ConfusedCarrie · 13/08/2021 17:55

I know if I got a snake or a money spider tarantula my parents wouldn't visit but I have known about their phobias my whole life. However, they very rarely visit anyway. Like @bloodywhitecat, I am expected to go there as it it too far for them to drive Confused.

If they have never expressed an opinion either way, their loss OP Sad

CustardySergeant · 13/08/2021 17:57

@mindutopia

Well, for my mum it was discovering that her husband (not my dad) is a convicted paedophile. Obviously, we want no relationship with her while she’s with him, but she has never shown any interest in leaving him and repairing our relationship. She pretends my dc (her only grandchildren, I’m an only child too) don’t exist anymore.
How appalling. You must be devastated.
chaosmaker · 13/08/2021 17:58

Maybe they think they'll get stuck looking after it? Otherwise I have no other suggestions.

DishingOutDone · 13/08/2021 17:59

They sound hateful OP. Would you treat your own DC like this in 30 years time?!

Antinerak · 13/08/2021 18:08

I hate dogs, DC or not if someone I know has one I do everything I can to avoid them. It's not a phobia or bad experience, I just think they smell and are gross! I wouldn't not see the owner, I'd just make sure we meet away from the dog.