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What would it take for you to never visit your adult DC again?

261 replies

Wookydook · 12/08/2021 14:31

What would your adult DC have to do / change in their life for you to never visit their home again? Assuming you had been going to their house perhaps once a month/every 2 months. Discounting the pandemic and hypothetical transport issues - what would be a "deal breaker"?

OP posts:
Blueskytoday06 · 14/08/2021 17:56

Hot tub!!

MakeMathsFun · 15/08/2021 20:06

If you buy a Union Jack flag and put it up outside your house, that is your own business. However, if the parent has a strong aversion to political expression, (which could be genuinely due to valid reasons or some historical personal trauma (such as having been brutally attacked by yobbos who happened to have Union Jack flags tattooed across their foreheads)), then they might choose not to visit until it is removed.

felulageller · 15/08/2021 20:22

It will be the breed of dog that's the issue.

People who describe their dogs as 'gentle' tend to have the kinds of dogs that are a nuisance to non dog lovers.

Newbabynewhouse · 15/08/2021 20:49

Is it a stuffed dead fox

Mumofsons87 · 16/08/2021 08:53

Exactly! And the fact he hasn't provided the breed says it all! It's not a terrier anyway I gather

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 16/08/2021 09:25

@LadySlipper

My son and his girlfriend bought a house one street away from me a year ago. I can count on my hands the number of times I've been inside it, due to Covid, and me being mindful of not being an overbearing, nosey MIL. We have (had!) a good relationship , I thought. We gave them money for solicitors fees to buy it and paid for appliances for it. We have them over for tea, they've had us over. When they very recently had some plumbing issues, they came over to our house to shower every day until it was sorted.

Last Friday I decided to stop in on the way home from work to ask what date they would like to go out for the GF's birthday dinner. We always take out the kids for a birthday meal. I literally drive past their driveway on my way home.

So I rock up, go in and the GF calls upstairs to tell him his mum is here - then much to my surprise - then shock, he launched into yelling and swearing, bounding downstairs, more shouting, berating me because he's 'just logged on to a game!! 'and 'why can't I fucking call before I come over?'. I didn't even want to talk to him especially, it was her I was going to chat with. Silly me, I was even thinking I might be offered a TGIF glass of wine. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I just got up and walked out, managed not to start crying until I reached the door, where I stated I'd be sure to make an appointment next time.

Except it will be cold day in hell before there is a next time I go over there, unless I get a sincere and profuse apology. We only really hear from him when he wants something and I am so fkg hurt about it. For context, this is a 27 year year old man in a professional and responsible job, not a 17 year old. And they are both off work for 6 weeks, so not like they had just come in from work and it was a bad time. The GF was mortified and texted me an apology, but SHE has nothing to apologise for. I just don't know what I did that was so wrong that I deserved that kind of reception. Anyhoo, this is why I won't be visiting my adult DC's home again.

I would get on the phone to him immediately and ask what is he playing at EXACTLY?! Dont let it escalate if you like his girlfriend. It sounds like he is very spoilt/has anger issues and she might need his support.

You need to tell him that his behaviour is totally unacceptable and you deserve an apology at the very least.

What type of father is he going to be?
Where is your husband/his father? He needs to back you up and sort this out pronto!

Is he a teacher? I feel for the kids.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 16/08/2021 09:26

@MondeoFan

My parents don't visit as they think that now they are in their 70's I should visit them and not the other way around. My Nan never visited my Mum for instance only ever my Mum visiting her and my Mum never drove so used to get the train to see her Mum.

My Mum doesn't drive but my Dad does but they won't come over. I don't think they particularly like my dog either although they've never said anything but that's the impression I get. They are dog people though as we had a dog when I was growing up.

When it was my birthday they drove here and put a birthday card through the door with £40 in it then drove off again. I didn't know they'd been until I saw the card hanging in the letterbox. I was at home on my birthday and my DC at school so why didn't they pop in? It's weird really. It's a 30 minute drive here so as they never came in it was 1 hour drive for them round trip

For gods sake just ask them why? X
WorkHardPlayHard1 · 16/08/2021 09:34

@Alieninmybody

My mother has decided she won't visit our house, which is 100M away, without an invitation. It's both freeing and hurtful at the same time. She regularly pulls these sort of stunts expecting us to plamas her except very over 20 years we've had enough.

It's actually really sad and horrible to be on the receiving end of. I don't know what my DC would have to do to make me take this stance, it would have to be bad.

Aw maybe she wants to give you space and doesnt want to be the nosey/annoying in law? Sounds a good plan to me xx
FizzyTango · 16/08/2021 09:54

Hi op @Wookydook
I’m in a similar situation but not quite the same. I got a dog, and my sister refuses the visit my house now. He doesn’t jump up, he is well behaved and I’m happy to put him in another room/pop him in the garden. She tells me she is terrified of dogs now, and while I understand phobias can develop, she has no problem with other dogs! We have other dogs in the family and family friends she has no problem with.
Even worse she won’t let me bring the dog to my parents if she is there! My parents love the dog (he’s their grand child substitute), they are always asking us to come and bring him. So now they are stuck in the middle. I live quite a way from my parents so really we always have to bring the dog because we can’t leave him. In future my partner will have to stay home with the dog if my sister is there. But to be honest I’m pretty upset with my sister about it, I don’t know where it has come from and I fear our relationship is basically ruined now. I’m trying to be rational and understanding about it but it’s very difficult!

Sceptre86 · 16/08/2021 10:01

When you were a child they lied, what is so hard to understand about that. My kids want a cat they are 4 and 5 my reason for no at the moment is because we have leather sofas and I don't want them ruined, I work and don't have enough time to look after them as my hands are already full. The other reason which they wouldn't understand yet is when a cat rubs up against me I come out in hives, not sure if it is psychological to some extent but that is why I avoid them. Try explaining that to a young kid. When my kids are grown up and if they choose to get a cat I will avoid their home, the thought of cat hairs everywhere and potentially cats on tables, counters or furniture is not appealing to me. I hope I would explain this before they reach adulthood but I can see how it maybe wouldn't be something you talked about until you bit a pet.

Sceptre86 · 16/08/2021 10:05

*bought not bit!

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