Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What would it take for you to never visit your adult DC again?

261 replies

Wookydook · 12/08/2021 14:31

What would your adult DC have to do / change in their life for you to never visit their home again? Assuming you had been going to their house perhaps once a month/every 2 months. Discounting the pandemic and hypothetical transport issues - what would be a "deal breaker"?

OP posts:
LadySlipper · 13/08/2021 19:48

@ragwort

I waited after a few hours to try to get a grip of myself and replied to her saying I was really going to miss her when she finally had enough of the ignorant man child and binned him.

If I could have designed a daughter for myself she would have turned out very much like this lovely girl. She's the best thing to ever happen to him. And I love my boy, I just don't like him much right now. At all actually...

DuesToTheDirt · 13/08/2021 19:49

When DD was young she was desperate for a pet mouse. My mum said if we got a mouse she'd never come and visit. Given that she lived 300 miles away and only visited once every year or two anyway, I didn't feel that she got a say in it, and having never been allowed a pet as a child I sympathised with DD. We bought some pet mice and my mum never visited us again Confused. She never mentioned the mice, she'd just say she had a bad elbow or whatever and didn't want to get knocked on the train while taking round-the-world cruises. She has form for making excuses when she doesn't want to give the real reason, so I've always wondered about the mice...

TatianaBis · 13/08/2021 19:53

I’d assume that they were looking for an excuse not to visit OP, and this was the convenient hook.

MondeoFan · 13/08/2021 20:00

My parents don't visit as they think that now they are in their 70's I should visit them and not the other way around. My Nan never visited my Mum for instance only ever my Mum visiting her and my Mum never drove so used to get the train to see her Mum.

My Mum doesn't drive but my Dad does but they won't come over. I don't think they particularly like my dog either although they've never said anything but that's the impression I get. They are dog people though as we had a dog when I was growing up.

When it was my birthday they drove here and put a birthday card through the door with £40 in it then drove off again. I didn't know they'd been until I saw the card hanging in the letterbox. I was at home on my birthday and my DC at school so why didn't they pop in? It's weird really. It's a 30 minute drive here so as they never came in it was 1 hour drive for them round trip

anon666 · 13/08/2021 20:15

Superb. Is it a 4x4 and they are environmentalists?

Chloemol · 13/08/2021 20:17

If they are prepared to visit others with these pets then I would just respond ok dint come

And I wouldn’t be travelling to visit them

Astella22 · 13/08/2021 20:47

Vermin/infestation of some type.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/08/2021 20:49

"My parents don't visit as they think that now they are in their 70's I should visit them and not the other way around. "

Fair enough I think.
Quite funny to drive with the card though...

stairgates · 13/08/2021 20:54

A pet snake, I am irrationally terrified and would never enter :)

Mumofsons87 · 13/08/2021 20:59

I would not visit if my DC bought a dog from the restricted breeds list, and I would be very concerned for the welfare of my Grandchildren so would likely use the ultimatum to (likely unsuccessfully) deter them from making the purchase.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/08/2021 21:12

@Wookydook

Am I getting this right that your parents will visit a home with this exact same type of pet, but will not visit your home?

Unless there's some difference in the breed (ie XX's house has a chihuahua, yours has a pit bull) or the behaviour or level of 'cleanliness' then I'd say they've been looking for a reason to NOT come to your house for some time.

I'd probably just tell them fine, they don't have to come. But that new pet will make it more difficult/expensive for you to visit them so your visits will probably decrease in frequency.

TatoAndBeans · 13/08/2021 21:13

I don’t think it’s a regular dog. I think it’s either a breed renowned for being aggressive (even though the individual dog might be fine) or it’s a very unethically bred dog like a pug/bulldog etc.

TinselTinsel · 13/08/2021 21:41

My mum doesn't visit me, my sister or my brother because we don't allow her to!

maddiemookins16mum · 13/08/2021 21:47

Is it one of those furless cats….

30degreesandmeltinghere · 13/08/2021 21:52

My dm wouldn't visit me as she disliked my dh. Didn't see her for 10 years post flounce!!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands · 13/08/2021 22:07

Drugs. It hasn’t happened to me thank God but i have close friends whose offspring have got heavily into to the drugs scene and although I can’t imagine a scenario where I would not have my adult son in the house (or go to his), I can see why one of my close friends can’t have her son in the house anymore so he lives rough. She does everything she can for him but drugs have ruined him and I can see why she can’t have him stay with her anymore. It’s heartbreaking to see what drugs can do and I’m so very grateful my children have never gone down that route

BoredZelda · 13/08/2021 22:28

My brother has cats, it is one of the reasons we don’t visit. Same for my BIL.

I’m not sure I’d stop visiting if my adult child got one, but I really don’t like cats, everything covered in cat hair.

Christmasfairy2020 · 13/08/2021 22:30

Id not visit my children only if they had had there children taken of them and I had custody and ss said they wasn't allowed contact. Or something like that. I'll always see my kids btw they are currently 11 and 6 lol

BlueMarigold · 13/08/2021 22:32

If it helps, my parents don’t visit me because we have cats. To be fair it is just easier for us to go to them rather than putting the cats through the stress of being locked up in a room when they aren’t used to it.

helpIhateclothesshopping · 13/08/2021 23:22

My relatives got a dog when I was a teenager. It wasn't well trained and was large and flattened us whenever they opened the door to let us in. We went from calling about once a week when we were passing to rarely visiting at all for years because of the dog.

Mamanyt · 14/08/2021 00:32

GOOD GRIEF! I have a cat. BOTH of my sons are allergic to cats. They take a double dose of benadryl, and visit when their jobs allow. One daughter-in-law is severely allergic, and does not, but I use a lint roller and visit her in her home. I can't imagine not seeing them over a pet!

Ddot · 14/08/2021 07:36

So u got a pet that is abhorrent to them, put in other room when they arrive. if that isn't sufficient then it's an excuse or its controlling. Keep the pet and move on xxxx

FrenchBulldogsareFab · 14/08/2021 14:44

One of those 'ornaments' such as love, joy, happiness etc. spelled out in pastel or glittery font. Generally found in 50 shades of grey house decor.

whynotwhatknot · 14/08/2021 17:12

So op your parents go and visit other people with the same pet as yours but refuse to visit you

Thesandmanishere · 14/08/2021 17:13

If they moved abroad. I don't fly.