What would it take for you to never visit your adult DC again?

[Wookydook]

What would your adult DC have to do / change in their life for you to never visit their home again? Assuming you had been going to their house perhaps once a month/every 2 months. Discounting the pandemic and hypothetical transport issues - what would be a "deal breaker"?

If it's a dog, I'd try to get over myself and continue to visit, but I'd find every visit very uncomfortable.

I can't think of a "thing" that would bother me to that extent. There might be things I'd see as a waste of money and disapprove of but I wouldn't care any where near enough to stop visiting

@PegasusReturns I have never mentioned the pet to my parents since we got it. They refuse to refer to it in conversation. I have never once said what a good/gentle/cute animal it is. I have never said they'd love it if they met it. Honestly. The only reason they know we have or is because we told them at the start.
They don't want to hear it so I don't mention it's name . We should have called it Voldemort!!

[quote Wookydook]@LitCrit yes, you have a point there. My feelings are not often considered by my family, now that you mention it

The ultimatum was "if you get the pet we will no longer come and visit". At that stage we had already got the pet. Without consulting parents as we are grown adults living independently and had no idea there would be an issue. So we just said "ok well if that's how you feel that's up to you" . Didn't know what else to say.

@Somuddled I don't mean to pick you out specifically, but have you told your PIL that if they get a dog you won't visit? Do they have that information already? Do they know you don't visit houses with dogs? I'm curious, I hope I don't sound confrontational[/quote]
I haven't said thoes exact words but I have said lots of times that I can't go to a certain friends house because of the dog and so we always meet outside. I wouldn't hold it against them, they a free to have whatever pet they like. I'd be happy for them but just wouldn't go to the house.

@Somuddled I see, thank you for the response.

Is it a pet Skunk?

Tbh, whether you identify the pet or not, you'll be recognisable to anyone who is aware of the situation irl anyway.

But guess would be rats. They're a fairly standard pet but my mother always said she'd never visit me again if I had rats.

Alexa?

Sorry, just seen your update.

I think that’s a little bit different then - that they still want to see you but want you to come to them not to come to you. Pretty annoying but not the same as cutting you off.

It's a dog/cat. Nothing exotic! Not a skunk or a rat or a tarantula

Op - “It’s just a harmless cat!”

The cat -

Oh sorry, i thought you were giving cat/dog as an example of a normal pet! That is very strange then...

@Galassia 😂😂😂

@NautaOcts you're right, they haven't cut me off. But if I want to see them/want DC to see grandparents I have to travel (3ish hours there and back) every time now.
Whereas they go past where I live for work once a month/every two months. I rarely have cause to travel to where they are for any other reason other than to see them.

You have defied their wishes op..
Simple as that imo.
Road goes both ways. So do not do all visits. Every other visiting time they miss dgc. Their choice.
We have ddogs. Hopefully around for the next 10 /15 years.. If your dps want to miss out on a relationship with their dgc then make that their loss. Tell dc the truth.

You bought something. Turns out it's a pet, not a thing. That in itself is disingenuous, and I suspect a big backstory. A pet is not a thing! I wouldn't want one myself and think twice about visiting houses that have them, but a pet is a living sentient creature.

We got a dog and my Dad said it was a 'disaster' and they could no longer visit. I accepted this as I knew Mum was afraid of dogs. We put the dog in the nearby kennels for the day of the visit. Sad for dog (in fact, he loved it) but at least they could still visit!

How wet and attention seeking of them. Enjoy your pet OP

Not RTFT but have read all of OP's posts, and I agree, it's weird, but not uncommon.

My PILs were furious that my SIL and her family got a dog, and all we heard for months was an awfully behaved, dangerous, slavering beast it was, and how their grandchildren weren't safe around it. DDog is in fact a loving, beautifully behaved and very well-trained poodle mix. They did stop visiting for a while, and only when SIL stood her ground and refused to "get rid of it" did they come back - but now refuse to be left alone with it.

Oddly, although they're "dog people" themselves, and loathe cats, they did not seem very bothered by us getting a cat. They don't like him, and don't want him too close, but it hasn't stopped them visiting, and they haven't asked us to "get rid of him."

Also, my BF's parents were horrified that she got a cat. Apparently they didn't think she was responsible enough to look after one. BF is in her 40s, has had cats most of her life, and takes very good care of her disabled child....

It makes no sense to me, but you're not alone!

Peonies I totally agree, I really dislike visiting people who have dogs (or cats), they always say 'it won't hurt you', 'he only wants to play' - I don't want to play with your dog thank you. They often start off putting dog in another room and then say something like 'aww, he's lonely, I'll just let him sit by me, he won't bother you' ... inevitably the dog/cat always senses that I don't like them and make a bee line for me . I absolutely avoid visiting people with pets, most of my friends are understanding and we meet outside their home.

I do have a couple of relatives who have pets and I will do short visits but not stay overnight.

Maybe the OP just has to find a compromise and meet her DPs somewhere else?

OP is drip feeding and being very selective in what she putting out on the thread. I think there is a huge back story here.

The thing is, DM is aged and a jumpy puppy is a hazard. She can trip over, be knocked over and where her skin is more fragile get cuts easier from teeth and claws.

It's embarrassing and frankly exhausting for her to have to keep knocking the dog away because "it's lovely and just being friendly".

Instead of being a house she wants to visit and have a lovely relaxed chat she's a tense bundle of anxiety.

If it were a tarantula you wouldn't see me for dust. Such owners are always dismissive of phobia with their "g'wan and just put it on your shoulder", silly auntie and having assured to it's locked in a bedroom suddenly revealing it escaped and they've no idea where but it'll turn up soon.

Those of us with pets know that if any visitor comes to the house who is scared or dislikes that type of pet, that pet will uncharacteristically be hellbent in trying to get on their lap or behave badly!

Then you end up sounding completely lame by saying “Tiddles/Rover has never done that before!”, whilst the person sits there glaring at you with pursed lips.

There's no back story. If there was it would be an entirely different proposition.
Namely:
My parents hate cats/dogs. They will never go near a house with a pet. I got a pet. Now they won't visit me.

But the situation here is
Parents have never expressed a strong opinion either way about these pets. As children the reasons we were given for not getting a pet was lifestyle/(in) convenience, never fear. Parents have and continue to visit other houses with pets (have done so all my life). No allergies/phobias involved.

There is no scope here for a back story.

I will apologize for the drip feed. I still think the situation is outing!

There is no compromise here that I can see. Other than me always being the one who visits?
Perhaps my parents are nervous as they are late 60s/70. But again, they will visit other houses with pets!
And they have not been bombarded by my pet jumping/licking/wrapping around legs in an attempt to trip up any unsuspecting guest as they have not visited a single time since we got our pet. So they have no idea what the pet is like with people

We had snakes, dogs, cats, chickens, bearded dragons and a 7 foot iguana. Still fucking mil visited....
We had a baby and didn't see her for dust!!
Seriously!!