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Original poster

Help me explain why I can't leave DD at home

199 replies

shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 10:09

I'm taking DS to an activity. The original plan was for me to take him on his own, but DP was working until the small hours and has only had 5 hours sleep so far, so I want to let DP catch up with his sleep as he looked shattered before he even started last night, instead of waking him to look after DD.

DD wants to stay home and play computer. DS doesn't want her to come. I'm saying that she can't stay home as DP is asleep. They're asking what difference it is from when DD gets up at 6am and plays computer while we're all asleep.

Instinctively it feels different but I'm struggling to explain it!

OP posts:
JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 11/08/2021 19:20

I agree with the Alexa option. We have several echo dots around the house. My children are a little older but I do "drop in" on them from time to time if I have to leave them. Works very well

SameToo · 11/08/2021 19:28

For those moaning about @shesellsseacats DP sleeping and not functioning on 5hrs sleep, do we actually know what his job is? Because if he is, let’s say, a surgeon or a driver, then I’d sure as shit rather he had more than 5hrs sleep!

I’d have taken DD with but only for my own peace of mind.

readwhatiactuallysay · 11/08/2021 19:38

Its hilarious reading some of these posts because your partner is sleeping in 🤣🤣

OP, i completely get where you are coming from, my hubby works really tough hours sometimes and only has a couple of hours a night, but on the trot, so can end up knackered, so we go out and let him catch up. He also would sleep through a earthquake.

I dont have an 8 year old , but i feel i would probably just make her come with us, it's only 2 hours and if there was an accident, i would never forgive myself, especially as i knew my hubby would sleep through it.

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Travielkapelka · 11/08/2021 19:46

I suggest you tell her not to eat sweets. Does she have a habit of falling down stairs? 8 year olds tend to manage them fairly well

honeybuns007 · 11/08/2021 20:03

@NailsNeedDoing

Is your DP their Dad?

If he is, you tell him he needs to wake up and deal with his child and if he doesn’t like it he should have managed his work time better.

If he isn’t, you just tell your dd and ds that they have to go together, they are children, they don’t get a choice, and you don’t owe them an explanation other than ‘it’s not possible for you to stay at home today because there is no one to look after you’.

Managed his work time better??? He worked a night shift. What in heaven's name do you mean?
riceuten · 11/08/2021 20:05

People think there is a specific age specified in legislation (usually 12 or 13) - younger than this is allegedly forbidden to leave children alone. This is not true, it all depends on the circumstances, and indeed the child. I have had people swear blind it's prescribed in legislation and challenged them to produce it.

If there is an adult in the house, then none of this really applies, unless one of the children is "developmentally delayed" or otherwise vulnerable. Frankly, I would be telling my partner to get their sorry posterior out of bed, 5 hours sleep or not

marble11 · 11/08/2021 20:08

@Noshowwithoutpunch

How old is she? My DD is 10 and if her DF is asleep after working nights and I have to go to work then I take her to a family member to be looked after. I worry about her falling downstairs or choking on sweets. Her DF thinks I'm mad.
My daughter is 10.5 and going into year 6 in September. I leave her to go shopping to Tesco or to go for a run.

Next year she will have to catch a bus to school 3 miles away and come home and stay alone until 5.30pm while I work.

Stopsnowing · 11/08/2021 20:18

Do you never sleep?

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 11/08/2021 20:22

@NailsNeedDoing I do nights, I then need to sleep. How do you suggest I manage my work time better? Leave before 6am drugs or just not bothering handing over the patients?!?
My kids are old enough to be in the house whilst I’m asleep. I’ll usually crash on the couch after my last night if the kids are at home. Then early night. I used to sleep 9-4 or 5pm post nights. Probably now 1/2pm. If I don’t sleep during the day between shifts then I go to work very tired and have drug calculations and other quick decisions I need to make if a patient is very poorly or needing resus or transfer. I need to be able to sleep in between shifts.

I’d have left mine for that length of time in same circumstances. Their fad is police and did nights too. Much lighter sleeper than me.
You do what you need to, I never left mine when we were together as they were too small. And now when I’m nights generally they are at dads unless it’s the last of 4 - so 4 12 hour shifts, I need to sleep. It’s different to lack of sleep with kids, I have 4. 4 am is grim at work if I’ve not been able to sleep.

Mandalay246 · 11/08/2021 20:40

I'm pleased it work out well OP. Honestly, some of the posters on this thread - I feel sorry for their DC. I'm sure your DD is not going to have a terrible life because she spent a couple of hours on the computer - and surprise, surprise the multitude of terrible things which could have happened didn't.

Topazmumma · 11/08/2021 20:42

@NailsNeedDoing

Is your DP their Dad?

If he is, you tell him he needs to wake up and deal with his child and if he doesn’t like it he should have managed his work time better.

If he isn’t, you just tell your dd and ds that they have to go together, they are children, they don’t get a choice, and you don’t owe them an explanation other than ‘it’s not possible for you to stay at home today because there is no one to look after you’.

Managed his work time better?? My husband works shifts, it is not something you ‘manage’ swapping from days to nights and back again is exhausting! What a ridiculous thing to say
CarnationCat · 11/08/2021 20:49

What you did was absolutely fine. Your DD sounds mature enough to have spent two hours 'on her own' in the house.

Hertsgirl10 · 11/08/2021 21:21

She’s a child, just tell her no! Why are people so scared to tell their kids no? They can’t just get what they want all the time. Never understand why people need to come up with excuses and reasons, just say you’re coming and take her.

Newbabynewhouse · 11/08/2021 21:25

As a kid aged 7+... I was left to fend for myself every morning as dad worked 12 hour shifts 6am til 6pm... and mum stayed in bed til 12pm..my mum was very overprotective in every other way but was happy for me to go downstairs and watch tv all morning on my own from about 7am til she got up!

Sparklingbrook · 11/08/2021 21:30

@Hertsgirl10

She’s a child, just tell her no! Why are people so scared to tell their kids no? They can’t just get what they want all the time. Never understand why people need to come up with excuses and reasons, just say you’re coming and take her.
Have you read OP's updates? This has all happened already.
Localocal · 11/08/2021 23:25

I think 8 is fine to be alone in the house with a sleeping grownup. Tell DP he has to leave the bedroom door open if you are worried he can't hear her. She can keep the volume low enough not to wake him.

MakeMathsFun · 11/08/2021 23:50

I would delete this post and start again, including the age and getting it correct from the start.

Debbacat6 · 12/08/2021 00:18

You're the parent.
You decide!
And tell your DS tough..she's coming if that's what you decide

Original poster
shesellsseacats · 12/08/2021 00:57

@ivykaty44

I think the fact your dc are save enough to ask why it different at 6am to another time in the day - tell you all you need to know

you've raised them well op, here outsmarting you already

Grin thanks (I think?!)
OP posts:
swelchphr · 12/08/2021 01:55

I have an 8 year old and yes, I would let them stay home. Her DF is in the house if something does wrong. I would just make sure she knows he’s there if she needs him, and remind her she is not to go outside or open the door for anyone while you are gone.

Hertsgirl10 · 12/08/2021 08:03

@Sparklingbrook no I didn’t but still I would just say you’re coming, if I wanted the kid to come.

Sparklingbrook · 12/08/2021 08:06

[quote Hertsgirl10]@Sparklingbrook no I didn’t but still I would just say you’re coming, if I wanted the kid to come.[/quote]
I wouldn’t in those circumstances. I think the OP got it just right.

pitujones · 12/08/2021 10:32

Leaving her on her own with an Internet connection without supervision where there's a swarm of predator nonces using games to groom them is utterly irresponsible

Original poster
shesellsseacats · 12/08/2021 10:59

@pitujones

Leaving her on her own with an Internet connection without supervision where there's a swarm of predator nonces using games to groom them is utterly irresponsible
Hmm

DD spent the entire time on a zoom with her friend. I'm pretty sure there were no predator nonces there.

She knows she's not allowed to use the chat functionality on games and I check this. I also trust her and she doesn't seem to have any interest in doing this, she wants to talk to her RL friends.

OP posts:
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