Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Help me explain why I can't leave DD at home

199 replies

shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 10:09

I'm taking DS to an activity. The original plan was for me to take him on his own, but DP was working until the small hours and has only had 5 hours sleep so far, so I want to let DP catch up with his sleep as he looked shattered before he even started last night, instead of waking him to look after DD.

DD wants to stay home and play computer. DS doesn't want her to come. I'm saying that she can't stay home as DP is asleep. They're asking what difference it is from when DD gets up at 6am and plays computer while we're all asleep.

Instinctively it feels different but I'm struggling to explain it!

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 10/08/2021 13:13

@liveforsummer

Probably not. But he would be hopefully in the vicinity of where the child is using the computer and would be aware of what she is doing, who she is chatting to you and what sites she is using.

I'm going to assume there is appropriate parental controls on the computer and that Dd knows what sites she can and can't use. Plenty kids sitting on over rooms on tablets while parents are busy

That's what I'm thinking. It's been years now but I certainly didn't keep going over to the DSs to check what was on the screen. especially if they said they were playing Minecraft or similar. They were obsessed.

WoMandalorian · 10/08/2021 13:20

For the future you could always tell her to stay in her room and play and take the power cable from the computer. Then you know she isn't downstairs on it 😅

lollipoprainbow · 10/08/2021 13:39

This is a dilemma I was thinking of posting myself. My dd's dad and I aren't together but he looks after her in the holidays and stays over on the sofa the night before, he is a terrible sleeper and often doesn't get off to sleep until around 4 or 5am. I have to leave the house for work by 9am. I don't like leaving if he and my dd are still asleep although he thinks I'm fussing! If my dd is awake I usually tell her to let daddy sleep for a while. She's 9 and autistic but sensible. Like a previous poster though I'm worried she'll choke on her breakfast etc!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

MichelleScarn · 10/08/2021 13:41

*"DS doesn’t want her to come.”

Does your DS always call the shots.*
I suppose for me it would depend on why he doesn't want her to come, because she's his embarrassing little sister just by existing, that's no reason, but if she is actively purposely disruptive and ruins things for him, and others attending, that's different.

Stompythedinosaur · 10/08/2021 13:44

I think it is different - there is far more likely to be an unexpected situation in the daytime like knock at the door, a fire in a neighbours house etc. Your dd is more likely to do something impulsive and risky (cook food? acrobatics?) than the early morning when she has just woken.

Also, your dp will not know he is in charge of a dc if he is asleep!

diddl · 10/08/2021 13:47

It might for me have depended on the activity & how much her being there would impact her sibling.

He might have had to put up with her being there, she might have had to go & play computer some other time-compromise!

user68901 · 10/08/2021 14:11

Apart from fact DD is 8 so could wake him , I have survived many days on 5 hours or less sleep without having to have a 2 hour nap !! What a drama

TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 10/08/2021 14:16

It's the internet that would be the problem for me. At 8, I'd have said they could stay at home with a sleeping parent but no internet access. But at 8, there's no way mine were on Roblox.
I have a funny feeling if OP had said there was no internet access, their DD would have been quite happy to go to the activity.

Belfastbird · 10/08/2021 14:21

What a drama - he needs to man up. 5hrs sleep is definitely survivable ( recollections of going into work on half that during the early days...)

SamVimes6 · 10/08/2021 14:26

If you’re seriously worried, ask DO to come downstairs and doze on the sofa.

Plenty of parents manage in less than 5 hours sleep, he should be ok to doze and keep half an ear open, she’s old enough to know to wake daddy if he’s needed.

Planty13 · 10/08/2021 14:28

I’d rather take my 8 year old but I would be fine leaving them too. Depends on the kid. I know mine would be glued to a screen and would ask if they needed anything

diddl · 10/08/2021 14:35

@Belfastbird

What a drama - he needs to man up. 5hrs sleep is definitely survivable ( recollections of going into work on half that during the early days...)

But is he asking for the rest or does Op want to leave him?

The difference to the mornings Op is that you probably hear your daughter!

If you want to leave him to sleep in peace then you take her!

HerMammy · 10/08/2021 15:16

For the pp saying oh they could choke, fall
down the stairs, does that happen often when you are there? unlikely; so why imagine it all happening if you’re not there to hover over them?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/08/2021 15:28

@HerMammy

For the pp saying oh they could choke, fall down the stairs, does that happen often when you are there? unlikely; so why imagine it all happening if you’re not there to hover over them?

absolutely.

I'm often out of earshot, so being home doesn't stop accidents.
In factsome of them, like a glass glass breaking in DS2's mouth, happened when I was right there 🤷‍♀️

MyPantsAreTooTight · 10/08/2021 15:45

Is the purpose of this thread more "my husband is so tired, he works soooo hard he is too exhausted to wake up even if there was a gas explosion".

Sounds more like a husband trying to get Mumnetter's to say his wife should take both kids so his exhausted hard working self isn't disturbed.

Maybe it's just me.

Original poster

shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 16:59

Wow, a lot of replies while I was gone!

To update you, I did leave her in the end. I woke DP to tell him she was downstairs and the poster who guessed he would be straight back asleep was bang on.

I left her with snacks and instructions not to answer the door. She was talking to her friend on Zoom and playing Roblox when I left, and was still doing that when I returned 2 hours later.

OP posts:

Marguerite2000 · 10/08/2021 17:02

@MyPantsAreTooTight

Is the purpose of this thread more "my husband is so tired, he works soooo hard he is too exhausted to wake up even if there was a gas explosion".

Sounds more like a husband trying to get Mumnetter's to say his wife should take both kids so his exhausted hard working self isn't disturbed.

Maybe it's just me.

Sounds like a typical mumsnet poster painting the man as a lazy arsehole just because he wants more than 5 hours sleep to me.

Anyway, OP. Some parents do things like letting their kids get up on their own at the weekend, watch kids tv, prepare themselves a bowl of cereal, etc etc. I don't think this is any different to be honest.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/08/2021 17:03

@shesellsseacats

Wow, a lot of replies while I was gone!

To update you, I did leave her in the end. I woke DP to tell him she was downstairs and the poster who guessed he would be straight back asleep was bang on.

I left her with snacks and instructions not to answer the door. She was talking to her friend on Zoom and playing Roblox when I left, and was still doing that when I returned 2 hours later.

standard stuff

good decision

Bells3032 · 10/08/2021 17:04

@shesellsseacats glad it worked out all ok and everyone is happy. Hopefully your DD will also be proud you had trust in her and she will feel responsible too :)

uktrippin · 10/08/2021 17:26

OP - I leave mine while their dad sleeps in a similar situation and ages.

Do you have Echo dots? I use the app to drop in on them and check and they can do the same with me. If you've an echo show you can also see them

Original poster

shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 18:01

@MyPantsAreTooTight

Is the purpose of this thread more "my husband is so tired, he works soooo hard he is too exhausted to wake up even if there was a gas explosion".

Sounds more like a husband trying to get Mumnetter's to say his wife should take both kids so his exhausted hard working self isn't disturbed.

Maybe it's just me.

It's just you.

OP posts:

Original poster

shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 18:02

[quote Bells3032]@shesellsseacats glad it worked out all ok and everyone is happy. Hopefully your DD will also be proud you had trust in her and she will feel responsible too :)[/quote]
Thanks :)

I think she was most pleased for 2 hours on the computer!

OP posts:

Original poster

shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 18:05

@EarringsandLipstick

The leaving DD is fine.

Several hours unsupervised on the internet isn't.

I know OP has gone at this stage but I'd have left her if I could have ensured she'd no access to the internet until her dad woke up (which is easily done).

This would have been the much riskier option!

As far as I can tell, DD spent the entire 2 hours glued to the spot, playing Roblox and chatting with her RL friend on Zoom.

Much safer, by far, than her getting up to god knows what mischief by herself in the house. And she certainly wouldn't have left DP in peace.

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 10/08/2021 18:11

Just seen this thread and I know you left her. However, I’d have taken her - shes 8, and as such shouldn’t be spending hours alone unsupervised on a computer. Saying she gets up at 6 am and uses the computer unsupervised isn’t a reason why she should be left! Turn the bloody WiFi off.
8 is too young to leave her for that long too, knowing your dh would be sound asleep. You’re the parent, not your dd or your ds.

Youmightrabbityoumight · 10/08/2021 18:16

Good decision Op, I bet she relished 2 hrs uninterrupted Roblox time. Thanks for starting the thread, I'm always entertained by the ridiculous assumptions mumsnetters make & the 'facts' pulled out of thin air on these😆😆

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread