Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Help me explain why I can't leave DD at home

199 replies

shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 10:09

I'm taking DS to an activity. The original plan was for me to take him on his own, but DP was working until the small hours and has only had 5 hours sleep so far, so I want to let DP catch up with his sleep as he looked shattered before he even started last night, instead of waking him to look after DD.

DD wants to stay home and play computer. DS doesn't want her to come. I'm saying that she can't stay home as DP is asleep. They're asking what difference it is from when DD gets up at 6am and plays computer while we're all asleep.

Instinctively it feels different but I'm struggling to explain it!

OP posts:

SD1978 · 10/08/2021 11:01

I've have to do this since age 5- rarely due to single parents, nights, and clashes with her dad. I really don't see an issue at 8!

Killahangilion · 10/08/2021 11:12

My DH has a 3 hour sleep every afternoon (he’s up early so splits his sleep into two parts).

If I’ve gone food shopping, I’ve always left DS playing downstairs alone on his computer with the understanding that he will wake DH if he needs to. We also have a big dog that would act as a guard dog and woof very loudly if anyone unknown turned up.

I guess it depends on your DD and where you live, but I wouldn’t be worried in those circumstances.

RedMarauder · 10/08/2021 11:13

@AdelindSchade

I think the dd will be safe bug I would not entirely trust an 8 year old not to go and wake him up with something spurious is she gets bored or lonely. Dh does night shift so I have experience with this.

Yep the crap you have to deal with when you have children.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

TheFrogsAreDying · 10/08/2021 11:15

8 is fine

akissbeforebed · 10/08/2021 11:16

She's 8 - she does what you tell her.

Birminghambloke · 10/08/2021 11:21

The facts:
It’s 2 hours in the daytime.
She’s 8 so is likely Y3 (unless Y4 turning 9 in August).
A parent is in the house. This parent could wake in the time you’re out. However, sleeps deeply and is tired.

The bits only you’ll know are:
Has she any specific medical or special needs?
Is she able to call for help, if needed?
Is she generally trustworthy and capable (age appropriate)?
Is DP aware a child is at home whilst he sleeps?
Does the fact DD will ignore request to stay in room give indication of overall trustworthiness?

Your doubt likely means she needs to come with you, particularly if DP not aware of situation before it occurs.

nimbuscloud · 10/08/2021 11:22

Is she chatting to randoms online ?

Plumtree391 · 10/08/2021 11:23

@Noshowwithoutpunch

How old is she? My DD is 10 and if her DF is asleep after working nights and I have to go to work then I take her to a family member to be looked after. I worry about her falling downstairs or choking on sweets. Her DF thinks I'm mad.

At ten, she should be OK at home with her dad asleep. He's not going to sleep all day.

ElephantOfRisk · 10/08/2021 11:23

2 hours! Jeez, I hope you've left her. 2 hours at age 8 with an adult (albeit sleeping) in the house. All day with maybe a nightshift sleeper then I'd say no to under 10 but for 2 hours, absolutely.

womaninatightspot · 10/08/2021 11:24

@Noshowwithoutpunch

I think you're a bit mad as well. I have a 10yo and they have to learn independance sometime. I'm assuming they don't generally choke on sweets or fall down to the stairs?

DancesWithTortoises · 10/08/2021 11:24

Wake him up. He'll cope.

Plumtree391 · 10/08/2021 11:26

Oh I see she is eight, not ten. From where did I get 10? Never mind. I'm sure she will be fine, most kids of her age are OK to do things on their own if a parent is asleep.

audweb · 10/08/2021 11:26

I’m a single parent. I have sometimes napped in the afternoon with my 8 year old in the house, with instructions to wake me if needed. Not sure how this is any different, and also there’s nothing wrong with it. They’re old enough to do that with.

godmum56 · 10/08/2021 11:29

For me the difference is that he won't know she is there. Going for a nap and KNOWING that you are responsible for a child is different from going for a nap and believing that you are alone in the house.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 10/08/2021 11:30

@helpfulperson

If she is old enough to get up at 6am and play on the computer while you sleep she old enough to wake her dad up if necessarily.

This, absolutely. He is in the house with her. If bears attack she can wake him up.

LH1987 · 10/08/2021 11:30

If you feel uncomfortable at all, it’s your instinct telling you not to. So I wouldn’t do it.

MsHedgehog · 10/08/2021 11:30

If he is, you tell him he needs to wake up and deal with his child and if he doesn’t like it he should have managed his work time better

Ah yes, God forbid anyone has highly demanding jobs, tight deadlines, client expectations, etc etc...

What a stupid comment!

illuyankas · 10/08/2021 11:31

I think it's totally fine. She is 8, she can look after herself for 2 hours, especially adult in the house even though he's sleeping. If some kind of emergency happens, he would get up.

Capricornandproud · 10/08/2021 11:35

@NailsNeedDoing

Is your DP their Dad?

If he is, you tell him he needs to wake up and deal with his child and if he doesn’t like it he should have managed his work time better.

If he isn’t, you just tell your dd and ds that they have to go together, they are children, they don’t get a choice, and you don’t owe them an explanation other than ‘it’s not possible for you to stay at home today because there is no one to look after you’.

This!

DoucheCanoe · 10/08/2021 11:35

I was up through the night and have a long shift at work tonight so I've slept in this morning.

DH left for work at 7.30am - I can hear my 8 year old pottering downstairs quite happily.

As long as she knows to wake him and not to fuck about with the oven or something then I wouldn't think twice tbh.

LuxOlente · 10/08/2021 11:46

It shouldn't even be a question. You, as a parent, should naturally want to bring your child with you where she is safe and supervised, rather than leave her alone with a sleeping adult who cannot supervise her.

You don't have to 'think' about it, any more than you have to 'think' about whether to feed them. You should have a natural instinct that the child needs caring for, so you bring her with you. You don't override that by logically coming up with reasons you can leave her by herself.

KatharinaRosalie · 10/08/2021 11:51

he needs to wake up and deal with his child

Why? I have an 8 year old, they are perfectly capable of managing by themselves and don't need constant supervision. Parent is there in case of an emergency.

DinosaurDiana · 10/08/2021 11:53

As long as he knows she’s there, and she knows not to open the front door etc, it’s fine.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 10/08/2021 11:54

I wouldn't have left her. There's all the time in the world to leave them when they're older, don't do it when they're so little.

mam0918 · 10/08/2021 11:57

As a toddler my single mother would black out from exaustion of working constant long days... I manage to not die, by 8 we would go out and play in the fields and woods without our parents (far more dangers there than sat at my computer desk).

I have fallen asleep on the sofa before (only human after all) and my toddler has been fine (cant access anything dangerous anyway as the house is baby proofed).

An average 8 year old in a house with an adult (even one asleep) should be absoloutly fine.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8