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Original poster

Help me explain why I can't leave DD at home

199 replies

shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 10:09

I'm taking DS to an activity. The original plan was for me to take him on his own, but DP was working until the small hours and has only had 5 hours sleep so far, so I want to let DP catch up with his sleep as he looked shattered before he even started last night, instead of waking him to look after DD.

DD wants to stay home and play computer. DS doesn't want her to come. I'm saying that she can't stay home as DP is asleep. They're asking what difference it is from when DD gets up at 6am and plays computer while we're all asleep.

Instinctively it feels different but I'm struggling to explain it!

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 10/08/2021 10:36

I think 8 is fine to be left alone while her dad sleeps. However if you did want to take her then do so. You don't need to explain anything to your son. You're the adult here and your kids shouldn't get to dictate to you.

Original poster
shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 10:36

@ineedaholidaynow

Is she on the internet when you leave her on her own on the computer?
Yes, she zooms her friend (who she knows in real life), and if her friends isn't there she writes her messages. She also plays Roblox and Minecraft.
OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 10/08/2021 10:37

Who's saying she can't stay at home?

Unless she has an illness like epilepsy, form for burning the house down or opening the door to strangers any time your back is turned, then she'll be fine. The suggestion of making sure there's food available for her so she doesn't have to use the cooker unsupervised is a good one.

Surely if a smoke alarm goes off or the phone rings DP will wake up anyway?

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negomi90 · 10/08/2021 10:37

Leave her. She's 8. She will be able to wake him up if he needs to (things are different in an emergency) and will probably be sat happily on the computer all day. Make sure she has food and drink accessible before you go.

Original poster
shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 10:37

@Nurseynoodles

DH sleeps with the door open and DD knows to be relatively quiet and call for him if in trouble.

Packed lunch so she doesn’t attempt any cooking unsupervised.

She could play a trumpet and he would 't wake!
OP posts:
Original poster
shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 10:38

@BarbaraofSeville

Who's saying she can't stay at home?

Unless she has an illness like epilepsy, form for burning the house down or opening the door to strangers any time your back is turned, then she'll be fine. The suggestion of making sure there's food available for her so she doesn't have to use the cooker unsupervised is a good one.

Surely if a smoke alarm goes off or the phone rings DP will wake up anyway?

DP might wake up for his mobile (which is currently next to him) but he wouldn't wake for the landline or the doorbell I don't think.
OP posts:
Original poster
shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 10:38

Thanks everyone, you've helped me think it through. I'd best go get ready to go now!

OP posts:
GreenWhiteViolet · 10/08/2021 10:38

8 is fine to stay at home in those circumstances. Make her something to eat before you go and tell her not to answer the front door.

The chance of there being any kind of emergency at all is vanishingly low, and of there being an emergency where she can't go upstairs and wake DP at need even lower. You can't restrict children from gaining tiny bits of independence based on the worst case scenario that you can imagine.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/08/2021 10:38

If you're only out a couple of hours, will she even notice you're not there?

If she can use Zoom, you can check in with her while DS is doing his activity too.

Howmanysleepsnow · 10/08/2021 10:40

I’m not sure there is a difference. Both scenarios involve entertaining herself in the house with a sleeping parent.
It’s unlikely she’ll injure herself on a computer, but in the very, very, very unlikely event surely she could phone/ email/ use Alexa. Tbh this scenario is no more of a risk at 8 than 18 though!

gogohm · 10/08/2021 10:41

At 8 it's fine unless there's sn. He's in the house in emergency

BritishSummertime · 10/08/2021 10:41

Id just make sure she has snacks handy & a sandwich made & go. Leave DP's phone right next to his head on loud so it will wake him if you call because you are held up or something

Logbaskethammer · 10/08/2021 10:46

I’d have no issue leaving my 8 year old in this situation.

nimbuscloud · 10/08/2021 10:47

What’s she doing on the computer? Presumably it’s totally secure internet wise?

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/08/2021 10:48

She’s well old enough to wake her dad if she needs anything. You are being over protective. Leave her at home.

Notaroadrunner · 10/08/2021 10:48

I'm sure you've left now but leaving her for 2 hours while he's asleep would be ok. If she needs him at least she knows he's there. She won't find the time passing if she's occupied with minecraft.

Lemonsyellow · 10/08/2021 10:49

Oh course she can stay at home. She’s eight. It wouldn’t cross my mind that there would be much of an issue here.

FatCatThinCat · 10/08/2021 10:50

I would leave my 8 year old DS like this. Playing computer games while a parent sleeps is fine at that age I think. Saying that, my DS is autistic and could probably be left gaming for 6 months before he'd even notice he was on his own.

ActonSquirrel · 10/08/2021 10:51

It's no different to children waking earlier than their parents

You aren't leaving her alone in the house. Her father is there. She'll be fine.

Hercisback · 10/08/2021 10:52

This is fine at 8.

Leave the bedroom door open so there's more chance he hears.

Hannayeah · 10/08/2021 10:54

Whatever you are comfortable doing, do that. You know the situation best.

Boysnme · 10/08/2021 10:54

I’d have left mine at that age but if DH was sleeping I’d have called regularly to check on DS

Echobelly · 10/08/2021 10:57

8 is fine, she's not going to go putting things in her mouth and climbing up bookshelves. Just tell her to wake dad if there's a problem.

Losttheequipment · 10/08/2021 10:57

If he is, you tell him he needs to wake up and deal with his child and if he doesn’t like it he should have managed his work time better.

Jeez Shock do people seriously allow their 8-yr-olds to dictate what hours their parents work so they can play minecraft? Fucking hell.

AdelindSchade · 10/08/2021 10:59

I think the dd will be safe bug I would not entirely trust an 8 year old not to go and wake him up with something spurious is she gets bored or lonely. Dh does night shift so I have experience with this.