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Original poster

Help me explain why I can't leave DD at home

199 replies

shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 10:09

I'm taking DS to an activity. The original plan was for me to take him on his own, but DP was working until the small hours and has only had 5 hours sleep so far, so I want to let DP catch up with his sleep as he looked shattered before he even started last night, instead of waking him to look after DD.

DD wants to stay home and play computer. DS doesn't want her to come. I'm saying that she can't stay home as DP is asleep. They're asking what difference it is from when DD gets up at 6am and plays computer while we're all asleep.

Instinctively it feels different but I'm struggling to explain it!

OP posts:
Tumbleweed101 · 10/08/2021 18:22

She would be fine to leave but I'd take her as a parent always has an ear open if they have a child in their care.

Original poster
shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 21:28

@Soontobe60

Just seen this thread and I know you left her. However, I’d have taken her - shes 8, and as such shouldn’t be spending hours alone unsupervised on a computer. Saying she gets up at 6 am and uses the computer unsupervised isn’t a reason why she should be left! Turn the bloody WiFi off. 8 is too young to leave her for that long too, knowing your dh would be sound asleep. You’re the parent, not your dd or your ds.
Can I ask, what you think is wrong about an 8 year old spending 2 hours on the computer specifically?

DD spends time playing Minecraft, Roblox and chatting with her RL friends via Zoom and my Whatsapp (where I can see every word they type) and listen to every message they record, if I could be bothered to.

Yesterday, a friend and DD were teaching themselves to build games in Roblox.

What's your issue with it? Do you think they shouldn't be on computers full stop or is it about the safety issue?

If it's about being on computers full stop, I'm afraid I disagree. I think the way DD uses the computer is positive, she's building skills and relationships with her friends as well as having fun.

If it's about safety, we have it pretty well locked down and I keep an eye on what she's doing.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesellsseacats · 10/08/2021 21:30

@Youmightrabbityoumight

Good decision Op, I bet she relished 2 hrs uninterrupted Roblox time. Thanks for starting the thread, I'm always entertained by the ridiculous assumptions mumsnetters make & the 'facts' pulled out of thin air on these😆😆
I know! It's nuts isn't it!

I used to work with a woman like this. She'd put 2 and 2 together to make 5, and tell me she just "knew" that X Y or Z was happening. She was wrong a lot of the time but it didn't stop her!

I suspect she just remembered the few times her assumptions were right and ignored that she was usually wrong.

OP posts:

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Families
grandmashotdoodlebugs · 11/08/2021 08:38

@shesellsseacats
I regularly left mine at that age because I'm a single mum which I think made them more independent anyway. I'd leave them to go to the supermarket or have a cuppa with a nearby friend. The sort of 2 hour trip you made.

Remember to praise her for being responsible and following your door rule etc.

Mine are now 14 and 11. I go out if I need on an evening and I go to work and leave them all day (not regularly but Covid made that a reality). They make their own food if I'm not here. I got a ring doorbell for exactly this reason so they don't open the door.

I would build on what you have started ! And throw in chores such as dishwasher, washing machine, hoovering as well WinkGrin

ohmyohmy123 · 11/08/2021 17:31

I work nights and my children are home in the day. They are older but I have colleagues who cat nap with toddlers running round - it's life and has to happen sometimes.

An 8 year old is responsible enough to know when there is an emergency. Give her her dads phone and tell her to call you if she needs anything.

Mummabear89 · 11/08/2021 17:35

They say that if you are not comfortable leaving them then don't leave them

Shona52 · 11/08/2021 17:51

@NailsNeedDoing

Is your DP their Dad?

If he is, you tell him he needs to wake up and deal with his child and if he doesn’t like it he should have managed his work time better.

If he isn’t, you just tell your dd and ds that they have to go together, they are children, they don’t get a choice, and you don’t owe them an explanation other than ‘it’s not possible for you to stay at home today because there is no one to look after you’.

Total agree since my son was born I have only 4-5 hours sleep a night he's ASD and he's almost 10. So if I can go 20 years on this amount of sleep he can pull one night

If he can't and your not happy leaving her she goes with you simple. I agree it's not up to the kids who goes where at those ages. You decided what you need to do and they fall in line

Backwaterjunction · 11/08/2021 17:58

I used to be left on my own at 7 I know this as I also used to look after my new baby brother as well in emergencies, my family had some serious health issues to deal with.

I also did errands from 7 and 10 had a chemist prescription round for quite a few frail old people and my own family that I’d do after school to get their medications, including ordering it and signing for it and well as delivery around the place I lived

LoveFall · 11/08/2021 18:18

I honestly don't see a problem with leaving a ten year old with a sleeping parent. Doesn't everyone sleep at night? Do single parents never take naps?

It is not like she is aline in the house and would have to call someone.

I think people are far too cautious and over protective.

Whycantibeapuppy · 11/08/2021 18:27

I was going to vote it’s okay until you said Roblox. That site is atrocious

sadie9 · 11/08/2021 18:27

Also, why is it your job to call your DH when it's time for him to get up?
He should set an alarm on his phone and wake himself up. If you keep doing this mothering thing, it'll just get worse over the years.

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 11/08/2021 18:27

You know what you tell her? Get in the car we’re leaving.

Whether you can explain it or not you’ve told her daddy is sleeping, it’s not safe. You’ve given your reasoning, no ifs or buts. She can play a game on your phone/bring her tablet but she’s not staying home alone.

LoisLane66 · 11/08/2021 18:36

Just make sure she knows not to go out and not to answer the door to ANYONE.

Frazzledstar1 · 11/08/2021 18:37

I’ve been having the same dilemma with my DS8. Dad was sleeping in one Sunday as sick and I need to go to Sainsbury’s. My younger DDs are always more than happy to come but DS wanted to stay home playing Fortnite. My instinct was that he’d probably be fine for 30mins or so and he could wake dad if he needed (he wasn’t that sick, more like man flu!) but I wasn’t 100% so I dragged him out anyway. But I agree if your only out for a short time it’s not that different from them getting up and going downstairs themselves.

LoisLane66 · 11/08/2021 18:39

The child is EIGHT years old. Doesn't anyone scan comments? It's been mentioned several times.

LoisLane66 · 11/08/2021 18:42

@Backwaterjunction
That was decades ago. You couldn't get a child to do that now.

vdbfamily · 11/08/2021 18:45

absolutely fine unless she had SEN you have not mentioned.

LoisLane66 · 11/08/2021 18:49

Why leave snacks when she had breakfast and you were only going to be away for about 2 hours?

LittleMissPlant · 11/08/2021 18:59

@loislane66 it’s a couple of snacks…not an ‘All You Can Eat Buffet’!

Kids get hungry, you’ve no idea what time she had breakfast, you’ve no idea if she usually has snacks etc…

Daynmomof6 · 11/08/2021 19:02

It depends if your DP is a light sleeper or not. And if your DD is sensible enough not to burn the house down.

TheBigFatMermaid · 11/08/2021 19:08

When my DC were that age, I'd go go bed and leave them downstairs. They knew not to go out or let anyone in, they'd have a packed lunch in the fridge.
They loved it. I got much needed sleep, they got to feel they were trusted.

ivykaty44 · 11/08/2021 19:09

I think the fact your dc are save enough to ask why it different at 6am to another time in the day - tell you all you need to know

you've raised them well op, here outsmarting you already

Viviennemary · 11/08/2021 19:09

If you are only out for two hours or so if should be fine. Unless she is an annoying child who will wake up her Dad for the least thing.

LoisLane66 · 11/08/2021 19:14

I've had 5 children. They ate enough at mealtimes not to have to graze between meals. Drinks (non fizzy) but not snacks.

screwthepyramids · 11/08/2021 19:17

I'm a single parent, I have to nap sometimes during the day and I leave my girls alone in their own rooms or one of them will be downstairs with me (I'm on a sofa bed in the front room) and they will quite happily and safely be ok for a couple of hours. They have the code to my phone in case of emergency, know where the fridge is and they know not to cook but to take snacks things if they are hungry, not that they usually are as they have good healthy and filling meals and don't tend to snack anyway. If the landline has caller display so you can call in and check on her I'd say she would be fine