Help me explain why I can't leave DD at home

[shesellsseacats]

I'm taking DS to an activity. The original plan was for me to take him on his own, but DP was working until the small hours and has only had 5 hours sleep so far, so I want to let DP catch up with his sleep as he looked shattered before he even started last night, instead of waking him to look after DD.

DD wants to stay home and play computer. DS doesn't want her to come. I'm saying that she can't stay home as DP is asleep. They're asking what difference it is from when DD gets up at 6am and plays computer while we're all asleep.

Instinctively it feels different but I'm struggling to explain it!

She doesn’t need a packed lunch for two hours. I have no issue with this and would go for a nap before nightshift leaving my 4, 9, 11 and 14 year old watching a movie.

I think for his sleep hygiene he should get up now though and get an earlier night.

Why are people even talking about 'leaving' the child. A parent is IN THE HOUSE. The child is not alone. Yes parent may be asleep, but I'm more capable of waking up when hearing my children calling for me in a quiet house, as opposed to for example when I'm outside or cooking downstairs when they're playing in their room. Non-issue.

If the issue is that DP needs their sleep but you can't trust the child not to wake them up then that's a different question.

From a safety point of view, I'd have left DD in this situation at 8, but not DS. But, if I'd wanted OH to be able to sleep then I wouldn't because I'm pretty sure she would have woken him up to ask for something!

You’ve gone now but I’d have taken her and just said something like “sorry Dad’s shattered and needs to catch up on sleep, grab a book or my iPad and I’ll get you both a hot choc (or whatever small treat would appeal). 8 is a big young to be effectively unsupervised and 5 hours sleep is ok if you have to do it but if you don’t then it’s a bit crap so we’d make sure the other one had the opportunity to have a long lie in.

@mam0918

As a toddler my single mother would black out from exaustion of working constant long days... I manage to not die, by 8 we would go out and play in the fields and woods without our parents (far more dangers there than sat at my computer desk).

I have fallen asleep on the sofa before (only human after all) and my toddler has been fine (cant access anything dangerous anyway as the house is baby proofed).

An average 8 year old in a house with an adult (even one asleep) should be absoloutly fine.

Hardly an admirable act to follow. We can do better for our kids than simply not killing them.

It’s ok for a sensible 8yo. 8yos can still do really stupid things so personally, I’d let her play on the computer but tell her not to have a drink by it. She plays computer and stays there. No trying to use any part of the kitchen whilst “alone” other than the cold tap - in which case leave a a plastic cup or something that she can’t accidentally smash and cut herself on whilst you’re out.

She also needs to know about the doorbell - whatever arrangements you decide.

“DS doesn’t want her to come.”

Does your DS always call the shots.

I’m torn really. I personally wouldn’t be I’m extremely over protective. I’ll hold my hands up. Anything can happen in seconds never mind minutes. I have my own horror story which I won’t type as I don’t want to upset anyone about someone who left her kids just to go across the street to pass something back to a neighbour. Mind you that particular situation and I suppose any situation really could have happened while their mum was upstairs or in the garden. With the best will and parenting in the world you can’t watch them 25 hours a day 8 days a week.
Only you know how sensible she is, I suppose. There again though no matter how sensible a child is absolutely anything at all can happen.

I'd be. more concerned about unsupervised access to the internet.

Totally fine.

@LizziesTwin

I’d worry about her getting lonely, not accidents. She’s quite young to entertain herself for hours.

It's two hours. I would expect an average 8 year old with no additional needs to be able to occupy themselves for a couple of hours. Our two grandchildren of 6 and 7 do that easily. Usually doing two completely different things.

I'm amazed at this thread; surely most 8 yos can survive a couple of hours alone in a house with a sleeping adult. I'd assume an 8yo can help themselves to a drink milk/water in my house or a snack from the fruitbowl. Probably be delighted with two hours computor time tbh and not even move.

The leaving DD is fine.

Several hours unsupervised on the internet isn't.

I know OP has gone at this stage but I'd have left her if I could have ensured she'd no access to the internet until her dad woke up (which is easily done).

If you're bothered about internet access then either disconnect the router or change the password.

Wake dp and tell him you've left dd downstairs and gone out. Let him go back to sleep.

Hardly an admirable act to follow. We can do better for our kids than simply not killing them.
We can do best for our kids when we raise our expectations of them and stop infantilizing them.

8? I'd say this is absolutely fine. What's she going to do, spontaneously combust?

Hopefully the op will come back and clarify whether or not the 8 year old is fully locked down using the computer and that there is zero possibility of her being groomed online. That would be my biggest concern.

@Cynderella

I'd be. more concerned about unsupervised access to the internet.

Don't most parents have parental controls set up on their tech?

Maybe I'm wrong. I certainly did when mine were young, so I didn't need to worry about it. And I know i didn't need to worry about it because the software I used would tell me what websites they had been on, and they knew that.

Don't most parents have parental controls set up on their tech?

No. Regular threads here about pre-teens sending nudes to total strangers. Despite their parents having cyber safety talks.

I’m late to the thread but as you’re only going out for a couple of hours then I’d happily leave an 8 year old with a sleeping adult in the house.

In future just write down your mobile number and then she can ring you if there’s any issues. Maybe get a fog horn to wake home if there’s an absolute emergency

I'd leave my 8 year old. I'd wake dp to let him know though as I assume he's not expecting this. Women manage of 5 hours sleep all the time though, I bet you've had to do it OP. It's not the end of the world to have to briefly rouse him so he knows Dd is there (imagine it will be more by the time you needed to leave anyway)

If the DP was up and awake would they be seated next to their 8 year old for 2 hours while they used the computer then?

I think it's okay, she has a parent in the house.

If the DP was up and awake would they be seated next to their 8 year old for 2 hours while they used the computer then?

Probably not. But he would be hopefully in the vicinity of where the child is using the computer and would be aware of what she is doing, who she is chatting to you and what sites she is using.

To add when I said rousing him I meant just wake him to let him know what's going on, I wouldn't expect him to get up - if he's a heavy sleeper and tired it's likely he'd get back to sleep no bother. Wonder what OP decided?!

Probably not. But he would be hopefully in the vicinity of where the child is using the computer and would be aware of what she is doing, who she is chatting to you and what sites she is using.

I'm going to assume there is appropriate parental controls on the computer and that Dd knows what sites she can and can't use. Plenty kids sitting on over rooms on tablets while parents are busy