Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

14 yr old DS walked in on my DP naked, how do I handle this.

267 replies

StrawberryShortcakeAndTea · 09/08/2021 20:38

I’ve been with DP 5 years he’s quite and shy.
DS has gotten into the habit of knocking and walking straight into my bedroom when DP is out or in his office and he thinks I’m alone.

DS thought DP was out (he was about to go out, he had been getting ready to leave hadn’t left yet as we got ‘distracted’.
DP was completely undressed when DS knocked and immediately opened the door, I shouted and DP dashed into the bathroom but it was too late as he was literally stood right in full view of the door.

DS apologised and ran to his room
DP was embarrassed and furious, he got dressed straight away and left the house.
I went and told DS you never walk into someone’s room without knocking and waiting for a response he looked embarrassed but didn’t say anything.

How do I handle this.
My first instinct is to give DS a lecture about privacy and to brush it off as one of those things, but DP is shy and I know him, he will be really upset and embarrassed.

What can I do to make this less of an awful situation?

OP posts:
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 10/08/2021 07:44

I don't think there's anything wrong with a teenage boy seeing a grown man naked unless in the throes of passion! It's healthy not to be inhibited about such things! You're overreacting rather OP.

Blessex · 10/08/2021 07:47

I have a DS similar age and am remarried. We would have all laughed heartily and that would be that.

Arrowheart · 10/08/2021 07:54

You and your DP need to get a grip. You are both weird and it's not your son in the wrong here. Your pandering to a supposedly shy man who has sex in the day with a teenager in the house and no locked doors is pathetic. Your poor son having to deal with you and this man child. Get a grip and tell your 'shy' daytime shagging, but scared to walk around in a t shirt, DP to grow the fuck up.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
pinkpip100 · 10/08/2021 07:59

@carwashy

Ah. Another shit bloke being pandered to instead of looking out for your kids. Lovely.
Yep, I spent my teenage years in a house like this - it was horrible. I really really feel for the OPs ds.
YouJustDoYou · 10/08/2021 08:05

carwashy
Ah. Another shit bloke being pandered to instead of looking out for your kids. Lovely.

Yep, I spent my teenage years in a house like this - it was horrible. I really really feel for the OPs ds.

Same in my house. The men were ALWAYS pandered to, above and over my sibling and I. SWORE I would never, ever do that to my own children, no male's feelings and behaviour would ever take priority over theirs.

Whatwouldnanado · 10/08/2021 08:15

What's DP's relationship with your son like otherwise? For heaven's sake don't lecture your son, he'll wait for a response next time he knocks on your door. DP sounds awful especially if he's making you feel your son needs to be told off.

Terhou · 10/08/2021 08:42

I'm fairly shy, but when DD's boyfriend was unfortunate enough to encounter me doing a quick semi-naked run from the bathroom to my bedroom (I thought there was no-one else in) I managed to avoid being either furious or upset. I took the view that it was all part of the give and take of family life, and as the boyfriend was lodging with us at the time he'd effectively become part of the family.

Mischance · 10/08/2021 09:05

Your poor son - he has done nothing wrong - he made a mistake thinking that your OH was not there.

Your reaction and that of your OH are just completely mad.

We would have just laughed it off; and maybe said "Oops! - best to wait for a come in after knocking!"

Have you thought about the messages you are sending your son? That nudity is shocking ..... that he has been an idiot.

I never got angry with my children when they made a mistake - such things happen to all of us. But I did react to misdemeanours that they knew were wrong, but did anyway.

Go and give that poor lad a hug and apologise for over-reacting.

KurtWilde · 10/08/2021 09:56

@carwashy

Ah. Another shit bloke being pandered to instead of looking out for your kids. Lovely.
Looks like it yeah.
HalfTermHalfTerm · 10/08/2021 11:27

It seems to be a controversial opinion but I think your partner is the person who is least in the wrong here to be honest, unless ‘furious’ means he has been really kicking off. I would be embarrassed and annoyed if my (hypothetical) teenage step child walked in on me naked and ‘vulnerable’ (I suppose there’s not really a female equivalent of having an erection Confused) when I was in what should have been a private room and they had been asked before not to do it. It would be completely different if your partner had been in the bathroom, not locked the bathroom door and was then getting angry about your son walking in on him.

At 14 your son should be old enough to know that you don’t walk in to someone else’s room without knocking and waiting for a response, unless you live in a very liberal household which you obviously don’t as you’ve spoken to him about it already. My partner’s 6 year old knocks and waits for a response before coming in to our room, in the same way that we knock and wait before coming in to hers. If he’s embarrassed then maybe he’ll remember to actually do what he’s been asked to do next time!

However you shouldn’t have let him get in to the habit of doing it. Presumably you’d rather he didn’t walk in on you naked too, so I don’t really know why you haven’t done more about it. He was bound to see something that he shouldn’t have seen eventually!

RookieRoo · 10/08/2021 11:49

@HalfTermHalfTerm

It seems to be a controversial opinion but I think your partner is the person who is least in the wrong here to be honest, unless ‘furious’ means he has been really kicking off. I would be embarrassed and annoyed if my (hypothetical) teenage step child walked in on me naked and ‘vulnerable’ (I suppose there’s not really a female equivalent of having an erection Confused) when I was in what should have been a private room and they had been asked before not to do it. It would be completely different if your partner had been in the bathroom, not locked the bathroom door and was then getting angry about your son walking in on him.

At 14 your son should be old enough to know that you don’t walk in to someone else’s room without knocking and waiting for a response, unless you live in a very liberal household which you obviously don’t as you’ve spoken to him about it already. My partner’s 6 year old knocks and waits for a response before coming in to our room, in the same way that we knock and wait before coming in to hers. If he’s embarrassed then maybe he’ll remember to actually do what he’s been asked to do next time!

However you shouldn’t have let him get in to the habit of doing it. Presumably you’d rather he didn’t walk in on you naked too, so I don’t really know why you haven’t done more about it. He was bound to see something that he shouldn’t have seen eventually!

Thank you! Feel I'm going crazy with all these people saying it's normal.

I wouldn't walk in on my own mother, never mind my dad, when I was a lot younger than 14.

Poor DP being blasted for wanting and expecting a bit of privacy in his own bedroom, should they just sign over the house to the DS as he obviously is the one everyone expects to be pandered to, can roam anywhere in the house he wants and deserves an apology for seeing someone naked in their own bedroom?!

MintMatchmaker · 10/08/2021 12:55

It’s not wrong to want privacy (and nothing wrong with having a conversation about knocking) but there seems to be a huge overreaction just because OP’s son saw a glimpse of a naked body.

Nohomemadecandles · 10/08/2021 13:34

@NotMyselfWithoutCoffee

Jesus what a family of prudes. Has your dp ever been in a changing room? It's a non issue, nudity is nothing to be ashamed about. Doubt he will need a telling off as the sight of your dps willy probably scarred him enough. Grin
People aren't usually wandering around with an erection in changing rooms. It's frowned upon in most leisure centres Confused
NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 10/08/2021 13:51

@nohomemadecandles

No but if you are getting changed you will obviously be nude at some point lol.
It's not really an issue, son should be scarred enough they won't enter without knocking again anyway. That should be punishment enough.
At most a quick word about privacy and knocking before entering.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 10/08/2021 14:28

Poor kid, there's not enough eye bleach to save him from this one. You've said your piece and he doesn't now need a lecture. He's probably dutifully mortified.

Your DP has completely over reacted and you shouldn't be having sex at a time when your teen could walk in on you. Stop deflecting and take some responsibility.

Planty13 · 10/08/2021 14:43

I think he’s learn his lesson, I don’t think anything else needs to be said really

newnortherner111 · 10/08/2021 17:07

Whilst I think your DP has over-reacted, your DS should be knocking on a bedroom door and waiting for a response before entering. I don't think you need to say anything else if you have raised this since.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page