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DP just threw a cup at DD

464 replies

MotherOfDemons · 06/08/2021 19:59

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 06/08/2021 20:01

No you are not overreacting.
LTB.
Do the Freedom Programme.
And don't move in with another man for a long time.

nimbuscloud · 06/08/2021 20:01

No you’re not over reacting.
How long have you been with him?

user16395699 · 06/08/2021 20:01

Well, if it were me, he would be gone.

Why would you not be livid with him for that?

Ninkanink · 06/08/2021 20:02

You are definitely not overreacting.

Absolutely unacceptable.

Theunamedcat · 06/08/2021 20:02

I would be livid enough to leave

WetWeekends · 06/08/2021 20:04

I agree he needs to go permanently. Even if that were there Dad, you can’t have them treated like that, ever, by anyone. Sorry you’re going through this OP. I hope your daughters ok.

NigellaSeed · 06/08/2021 20:04

OP your not overeacting, he scared your child - a line has been crossed. Flowers

Ninkanink · 06/08/2021 20:04

Why should OP leave her home? He needs to leave.

(Unless it’s his house in which you need to take your children and go elsewhere.)

longcoffeebreak · 06/08/2021 20:04

Totally unacceptable

Bananapuppy · 06/08/2021 20:05

…and so you’re leaving.
Right?

YoComoManzanas · 06/08/2021 20:05

No that not right. I'd be reconsidering the relationship with him. Definitely he needs to move out.
However, fizzy frinks once a day on top of squash is not great for their teeth or general health. Sorry had to say it.

Bananapuppy · 06/08/2021 20:05

Yes, sorry, as PP said- he’s leaving?

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 06/08/2021 20:07

Throwing a cup AT her or NEAR her still has the same effect that it scares her silly. I immediately think of exH who threw stuff NEAR me not at me and punched objects NEAR me but not me. I was terrified as an adult, I can’t imagine how terrified she must have been.

ActonSquirrel · 06/08/2021 20:07

I can't believe you're even asking. Yes leave.
However I cannot believe the drama over drinks. Negotiation over drinking some of it and tipping it out?!

namechange30455 · 06/08/2021 20:08

@YoComoManzanas

No that not right. I'd be reconsidering the relationship with him. Definitely he needs to move out. However, fizzy frinks once a day on top of squash is not great for their teeth or general health. Sorry had to say it.
No, you didn't have to say it, let's be real here. It's not the point of the thread. You just felt like being smug and patronising and kicking the OP when she's down.
GingerBreadTeddy · 06/08/2021 20:10

How long have you been together?

Any signs of aggression towards my children & I’d be out of the relationship. Children come before boyfriends, 100%

MotherOfDemons · 06/08/2021 20:10

Thank you. really needed to make sure I wasn't overreacting to this. I keep questioning it but then I think of my daughter and how much it scared her, how much she adores him and how he has betrayed our trust.

My daughter is ok now. The cup didn't hit her (it was plastic but that's not the point at all). She is calm and he isn't here so the kids and I are both safe. Don't really know or care where he has gone.

Just to complicate things I am 12 weeks pregnant with his child. I'm devastated Sad

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 06/08/2021 20:12

It's not too late to consider your options if you are unsure about continuing the pregnancy. If you do continue you don't have to put him on the birth certificate.

Please protect your existing children above all else.

nimbuscloud · 06/08/2021 20:14

How long are you with him?
Whose house are you living in?

FeatheredHope · 06/08/2021 20:14

Hell no. His behaviour is utterly unacceptable and he wouldn’t be coming near my kids again.
How long have you been with him?

VariantL1130 · 06/08/2021 20:14

Is it possible that something has happened to him today that you're not aware of that has made him act in this way.

I'm not making excuses for him, but I find it odd that you mentioned that he rarely yells when stressed and such a tiny non event seems to have triggered this reaction in him.

sherrystrull · 06/08/2021 20:14

I'm so sorry op.

There's a few things that leap out at me in your post.

Why did the kids need to drink the squash? What would your dp have done if you'd have said, 'no I said they could have fizzy drinks not squash, please put the squash in the fridge and pour fizzy drinks.' And he had to change them right there and then. It sounds like you were walking on eggshells slightly with this.

MotherOfDemons · 06/08/2021 20:15

ActonSquirrel She has autism and ADHD. Everything is a negotiation unfortunately but feels a little bit beside the point right now i'll be honest given a grown adult man just threw something at her in anger!

OP posts:
Aknifewith16blades · 06/08/2021 20:16

He needs to leave OP, no if, ands or buts. Completely, utterly unacceptable and you need to safe-guard your children.

Sadly not unusual for men to first become violent when their partner is pregnant.

Do not minimise this or give him a second chance. Keep your kids and yourself safe.

Horehound · 06/08/2021 20:17

Has he said why he threw it? Seems like a very strange reaction for someone you say is never like that.how long have you been with him?

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