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DP just threw a cup at DD

464 replies

MotherOfDemons · 06/08/2021 19:59

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

OP posts:
Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 06/08/2021 20:30

He leaves tonight. This is non-negotiable. Or you call the police.

Bananalanacake · 06/08/2021 20:32

How long were you together when he moved in, your DC may not be happy with him moving in quickly.

MotherOfDemons · 06/08/2021 20:33

Sorry, We are in a joint tenancy agreement and only moved in here in April.

God this is a mess.

OP posts:
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 06/08/2021 20:35

Can you have him removed from the tenancy?

GingerBreadTeddy · 06/08/2021 20:35

1.5 years is nothing - mere boyfriend territory - finish it.

Tbh I would also be considering my options with regards to continuing the pregnancy

MrsMiddleMother · 06/08/2021 20:36

No of course this is not acceptable and I would NOT have a man like this anywhere near my children. You haven't even been together that long, already living together and having a baby. Jesus. LTB now and put your kids first because he actually hurts your poor kids.

winterchills · 06/08/2021 20:36

That would be completely the end for me. How awful and what a shit situation he's now put you all in

MrsMiddleMother · 06/08/2021 20:36

@MrsMiddleMother

No of course this is not acceptable and I would NOT have a man like this anywhere near my children. You haven't even been together that long, already living together and having a baby. Jesus. LTB now and put your kids first because he actually hurts your poor kids.
Before*
swingsandroundaboutss · 06/08/2021 20:37

@YoComoManzanas

No that not right. I'd be reconsidering the relationship with him. Definitely he needs to move out. However, fizzy frinks once a day on top of squash is not great for their teeth or general health. Sorry had to say it.
No, you didn’t
30degreesandmeltinghere · 06/08/2021 20:37

Does he ever navigate a situation so he 'gets one over' the dc? My ex used to do that.
Ex..

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/08/2021 20:39

So now you’re vulnerable the mask has slipped & he can be his real self now.

You’ll have to leave though.

beastlyslumber · 06/08/2021 20:39

Lock the doors. In the morning, call your landlord and get his name taken off the tenancy. You still have options re. your pregnancy.

It's going to be okay, OP. You got lucky. He showed you who he is, and now you know what to do.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 06/08/2021 20:40

Some things are unforgivable and throwing a cup at your child is one of them. Yes, he missed, but that's not the point.

He shouldn't be given a second chance to lose his temper like that with a vulnerable child.

He may think now you are 12 weeks pregnant, you are tied to him. That's not true.

Houseofvelour · 06/08/2021 20:40

He terrified your daughter and if he hadn't missed, he would have physically hurt your daughter.

This WILL escalate and it is up to you to provide a safe home for her.

Leave him.

Antwerpen · 06/08/2021 20:40

@AnotherEmma

No you are not overreacting. LTB. Do the Freedom Programme. And don't move in with another man for a long time.
This

His action was appalling please don’t allow your children or yourself to be subject to this.

Kanaloa · 06/08/2021 20:40

Why are you questioning it? Why do you have to question whether it’s right for a grown man to throw things at a child, let alone one with special needs? I think you should do something such as the freedom programme as it’s a bit worrying if you can’t see that this is really bad.

messybun101 · 06/08/2021 20:42

Lock the doors and tell him to sleep elsewhere tonight to when he comes back.
He has no right treating your daughter this way
Please try and keep calm for the children and your baby

Knackeredmommy · 06/08/2021 20:42

That's not ok, tbh I don't see how your dc having ADHD has anything to do with what he did. He's thrown something at your 6yr old. That's it, you have seen what he's capable of. As others have said dv escalates, start planning what you need to do for yourself and your children. Yes it's really that bad.

Kanaloa · 06/08/2021 20:42

Also, things are rarely ‘out of character.’ Your character is comprised of all your actions. This is one of his, therefore this is his character. Someone who doesn’t have it in their character to be aggressive to a child wouldn’t do it.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 06/08/2021 20:42

Please don't think your unborn baby needs it's df.. Your existing dc need a safe home life as a priority..

mynameisbrian · 06/08/2021 20:43

oh dear the real man is showing himself, a year and a half is nothing and sounds like you brought him into all your lives quickly and now a baby too. You dont need to stay with him, and for the sake of you all I would be changing the tenancy if possible. If you dont your DC will likely ask to go and stay with their dad

Loocheeyar · 06/08/2021 20:43

Let him know

No one does that to your child
No one makes her feel scared
No one intimidates her
No one undermines your parenting or family
He will not grow in control and coercion as you become more vulnerable and dependent on him the big alpha male
This is your family your life your child and he will not rule over any of you as he thinks he now can
Take himself elsewhere
Do not come home
Call universal credit / council / women’s aid and take control of your lives right this second

From someone doing the same x

Tee20x · 06/08/2021 20:43

Leave, no question about it. Like PP said pregnancy & the end of a relationship are the most dangerous times for women in abusive relationship.

The man has thrown an object towards your child. Doesn't matter if it was "near" - his reaction to a trivial situation shows enough about his character.

For him to act so brazenly when you're in the house - what would happen if he was angry at your kids and you weren't around ?

Have you got anywhere you can stay? In my opinion the joint tenancy is the least of your concerns and shouldn't be a reason for you to stay with someone who can cause harm to your children.

VaccineSticker · 06/08/2021 20:44

Awful what an awful man!

Please leave him for the sake of your darling children and for yourself x

GingerBreadTeddy · 06/08/2021 20:45

If you’ve only known him for 18 months how can you say whether it’s out of character or not? Truth is, you don’t really know him

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