DP just threw a cup at DD

[MotherOfDemons]

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

I'm sorry this is happening OP. You sound like you've got a plan that's great. Stick to it and don't get dragged back in by this lowlife monster. He's showing you who he is now.

Seriously reconsider your pregnancy and being forever tied to this man.

Good luck OP. Keep yourself and your kids safe. It's great you can rely on your ex a bit during this time. Please tell him everything, it's no shame to ask for help.

Well done, OP, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. If you feel able, and want to do so, do come back in your own good time and let us know how you are doing. X

I would also severely question whether you want to continue this pregnancy.

You do not to have this man’s child if you don’t want to.

Sorting the kids out to go back to Dads. Thank you all so much for grounding me and making me see sense that I'm not overreacting. I will be back in a short while to update once the kids are gone and I know they are definitely safe.

Years ago my mum's friend used to babysit me and her boyfriend threw something at me very hard. I told my mum and that was the last time he babysat me - but he had 2 daughters and I always wondered/worried about that.

I think DTMFA

Remember to stay strong. Youre showing your daughter that no one ever gets to treat her that way, and she'll remember that and be proud of how strong you are for keeping her safe.

@MotherOfDemons you are so doing the right thing.

Oh Fuck. Abuse usually starts when the woman is pregnant. Don't continue with this OP, and seriously think about the pregnancy. You don't want ties to an abusive man

The thing for me would be not the fact he threw it but hte fact he got angry over nothing?? You said she could have a fizzy drink and she went to get a fizzy drink.. Why the hell would he get so angry over that and that's the worrying part.

Be grateful they arnt his kids at least but I do actually agree with others about leaving

You're doing great op
Will you be ok at home? Will you be safe?

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Telling your children's dad is good, so many people in your situation would try and avoid that. Your dd might not be ok right now, but she's growing up with a fantastic role model. She will be fine knowing you put her first.

Its so common for men to start this abusive behaviour, on 12 weeks is absolute clockwork. He needs to go and hes made it simple-hes out already and you have one, solid reason to tell him, others and yourself

@YoComoManzanas

Please op be very careful. Once he realises that the children have gone and that you are ending the relationship, he could well escalate. Hopefully he won't but be aware that he might. He's already been back once. What if he comes back again. It's his house too, so he has a legal right to enter. Which means that you might need to go somewhere else for the night to make sure you're safe.

*with partner pregnant

I’d leave and abort the pregnancy. Good luck.

@YoComoManzanas

No that not right. I'd be reconsidering the relationship with him. Definitely he needs to move out. However, fizzy frinks once a day on top of squash is not great for their teeth or general health. Sorry had to say it.

No It didn't need said here. Go away you idiot. Leave this thread for those with empathy and helpful advice.

Well that was a bit of an escalation. So there were no red flags at all until he flew into a rage at a 6 year old child over a glass of squash?

My ex didn't throw things at me. He threw them near me too. I ended up in a women's refuge with the children for 6 months. I would absolutely leave for this.

It was be a massive red flag of this was directed at me bit at my child!?? Not a chance!!

And he’s still acting aggressively?

I'm going to need a British to American translator.

What is a squash and what is a fizzy drink.

I'm guessing fizzy is soda? Like Coca Cola or something?

A line has been crossed. This is who he is.

Now that he has acted violently in anger, it is not 'uncharacteristic of him'' any more.

This is him now.

You have to choose between him and your child.

Well done, OP. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you got lucky tonight.

Once he realises you're ending it, he will suddenly become very, very sorry, and become magically able to realise the gravity of what he's done, and love bomb the fuck out of you. Just hold on to the reality that you've experienced today, and never give him another opportunity to hurt you or your babies.

There's some really horrible, snippy responses here. OP is vulnerable due to pregnancy and previous abuse. She has done NOTHING wrong here. Remember that.

OP, I hope you have been well assured that you're not overreacting. The fact he's come back and is slamming around is intimidating behaviour. He's trying to make you feel bad for what he's done.