DP just threw a cup at DD

[MotherOfDemons]

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

@VariantL1130 Something could very well have happened he hasn't mentioned because this is ridiculously out of character for him.

@sherrystrull it was my decision to ask them to drink it, just because I wanted them to drink something that would hydrate them if they were thirsty. It's never a bone of contention in the house so I said drink half and then you can have fizzy after. It wasn't something I even considered as a rule or a thing that had to happen and neither does/did he.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left.

Why did he question her not finishing the drink? Are children not allowed to not finish their drink in your house?

That’s really significant information that you’re 12 weeks pregnant with his child. It’s well documented that men who have been up-to-then ‘perfect’, start to abuse their partners / SC at this time.

Think about what message you’ll be sending your daughter if you don’t do anything.

What he did was inexcusable. He can’t even say he was stressed by the kids as they had been out with their father during the day so his sudden outburst in such a violent fashion is not something I would tolerate.

Sorry, cross posted the above.

Oh this is horrible OP. You need to leave this man and reassess your options with your pregnancy.

for you.

As a rule does he make parenting decisions regarding your dc? If yes you undermined him in his eyes though obviously he was ott and a disgrace... Or had he taken it upon himself to start throwing his weight (and cup) around then?

Sorry, we have been together over a year and a half.

@Aknifewith16blades that's really stood out to me actually. Ironically it was something we both discussed when watching the Euros, regarding domestic violence rates increasing when England lose.

@Horehound no. I asked i'm if he seriously just threw it at her, he made his excuses about it being near her then I walked away. It was when I was taking the kids up to bed I heard the door slam and I haven't seen or heard from him since. No call or text even attempting to explain what the fuck kind of shit her just pulled.

We just had out 12 week scan this Wednesday. I can't believe this is happening.

I'm sorry OP but 1.5 years is no time at all when your previous relationship was abusive and when you have two children already, one with autism and ADHD.

Do you live in mortgaged or rented housing and is it in yours / his / joint names?

It's not uncommon for men to become abusive during pregnancy. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your daughter

I think you're well rid. Sorry this happened.

LTB. This will escalate. I’m sorry OP.

@30degreesandmeltinghere Yes he does usually. When he brought the drinks through I said to him "oh, I had said that they could have fizzy drinks" and he said oh, sorry! I said not to worry they can drink some of them then I'll replace it. He said ok and went back to the kitchen. He didn't sound angry, or annoyed or argue any of it. Just a perfectly normal, family exchange.

Finish it.

At the moment could he just let himself back in at any time? I think you need to draw a boundary right now, especially for your daughter, that he can’t just walk back in. Lock the doors from inside/leave keys in and text him to say please stay elsewhere tonight.

OP can you stay elsewhere for a little while?

However, fizzy frinks once a day on top of squash is not great for their teeth or general health. Sorry had to say it.

You didn't have to say it, you're just being a bit of a prick.

If you're dd wanted fizzy, and you agreed she could have it, then why is your dp giving her squash? Especially if it then leads to a negotiation. What's she being made to drink something she doesn't want when it has already been agreed that she could have what she wanted?

Anyway that's by the by. If anyone threw anything at or near my children in a temper they'd be gone. If you're only 12 weeks you have options if you don't want to be stuck to him for the next 18 years.

Don't minimise, don't pretend, don't let him try and excuse the inexcusable.

What the hell is his problem? Who throws a cup at a child?

Throw him out. Get a termination if you can cope with that. Do your very best not to have this shit head in your life or your kids lives going forward.

At 12 weeks you still have options.

You're not even married to this guy and 18 months is not long enough of a relationship to have children, especially when you already have children and are still gently trying to become a blended family.

He is abusive. A lot of men wait until a woman is pregnant before this stuff starts to show, because they've trapped you now. This is not a one off. Incidents will get more frequent. This will be your life, and the life of yours kids. So, as said, you still have options.

You need to leave him. You have 2 children you need to put first. You made a poor decision moving them in with a man you've only been with for 18 months. Dont compound the mistake by continuing after you've seen the start of the abuse.

Leave him. Consider your options regarding the pregnancy.

He's gone out, OP? Great. Lock the doors, don't let him back in the house. Do you have a friend or family member who can come over and stay tonight?

It's not his place to question any decision you make regarding your DC, let alone about what they are drinking. His reaction meant he'd lost control. And for that alone, he'd be long gone.

And I'd seriously question a pregnancy that would link you to this man for the next 18 years .......

Domestic abuse regularly starts during pregnancy, when the woman is vulnerable and "trapped". Please end this. Not ending it gives him permission to do it again.

I lived in a women's refuge for months, 95% of the women in there (including me) were pregnant or had just had a baby.

Abuse starts/escalates during pregnancy with these men.

Your dd will remember this, and your reaction to this, forever, you need to show her an example of not putting up with violence.

Not easy when you're pregnant, I know, it's fucking scary, but he needs to go.

Please contact women's aid and ask about the freedom programme, or if they have any programmes for people in your position to learn healthy boundries in relationships.

This man lost control and threw something at your child. Do not let him come back. And please reassess your options for your pregnancy.

Take very good care.

This has been your warning shot. This man is violent and it will only escalate. If it were me, he would be gone instantly and I would be seriously reconsidering the pregnancy. I wouldn't want this man in my and my children's lives.