DP just threw a cup at DD

[MotherOfDemons]

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

Be safe yourself too. I worry that once the kids have gone, if hes still angry, you could be in danger.
Also why did they have to drink the squash? Ive been through hard times financially but squash is practically as cheap as water. Why couldnt it have been poured away and the kids given fizzy as youd wanted. That sounds like hes enforcing his will / control / king of the kitchen while hes in there, as my abusive ex used to say.
Stay safe

Do the kids know you’re pregnant?

My ex threw a (paper) coffee cup with some coffee left in it at the TV. I can't remember why.

He also sloshed a cup of water at one of the kids at the dinner table because he didn't like how they were acting or something they said. Again, I can't remember but I do remember thinking that I must add that to the list of all the reasons to leave.

Disgusting behavior.

OP. Read your title. Read it back to yourself over and over again.

Regardless if it was out of character or not he has now presented to you that it is IN his character to do this. Stress doesnt make it okay. Your lucky it didnt hit her. Your also lucky it was just a cup.

It's the unpredictable part to what he has done that makes him dangerous. He has shown you he is not capable of controlling his anger around your children.

As a mum, and soon to be mum you have a duty to protect your children. Lock him out and get yourself together to leave him. How can you have this man around your children again.

@Relle1 read the thread. She is protecting her children.

Well done OP. Glad your kids are safe. I hope you have a friend who can stay the night with you

WTAF

Why is he grilling your child over a poxy drink?!

And then to raise his voice and actually THROW something.

Whether it’s out of character or not he sounds like a bullying arsehole

Good luck OP

You are doing the right thing

I would cut off all ties with him so you can have a clean break and get on with your life

@NerrSnerr I just read it. It's good that she is taking the appropriate action but I'm sure once he comes and the dust settles he will try to talk and reason with her. And that's why she needs to read the title to this thread over. To remind herself why she is doing what she is doing and why he is a twat.
I'm speaking from experience. You dont want to let the person come in and try to soften the blow which is what they will do. He is clearly in a fit of rage and once he realises what he is done he will try to minimise it, heck he will most likely try to deny this is who he is. Sometimes reading back threads ground you

It sounds completely OTT to grill a small child about whether or not they had drunk some squash. Throwing an object at her is also ridiculous behaviour.

Was the baby planned? I would also be rethinking whether to go ahead with the pregnancy.

I had the midwives speak to me about potential domestic violence during pregnancy and I found it really bizarre. Surely men should want to protect their pregnant partner and unborn child?

It's good the father has come to collect the children. Gives you space to work out what to do.

YoComoManzanas
No that not right. I'd be reconsidering the relationship with him. Definitely he needs to move out.
However, fizzy frinks once a day on top of squash is not great for their teeth or general health. Sorry had to say it.

Jeez, how to spectacularly miss the point of a post. @YoComoManzanas - no you didn't have to say it but I hope it made you feel superior. Well done!!!

Lock the door and bin him!

Love your most recent update OP! you're showing your daughter just how much you have her back

Stop yourself immediately when you catch yourself thinking he needs to give an explanation for this.

There are a million self serving excuses for what he did, but there is no explanation, apart from the fact that he is an arsehole who decided this was the moment to start making you and your children afraid of him.

You're newly pregnant, you have a joint tenancy - in his mind you and your children are now his to treat as he pleases. His mask has fallen.

Stay strong OP

What a mess OP, it’s great you’ve sorted things so your DC are safe but you deserve your safety too.
Can you stay elsewhere tonight or get him to pack and leave while the DC father is there?

in your position I’d be devastated but would feel like not proceeding with the pregnancy was absolutely for the best. He is categorically NOT father material.

He doesn't have form for this at all.

He does now.

Please go to a friend's place tonight.
The arsehole's mask has slipped - as PP rightly say, right on cue with your pregnancy.

Even if he had a reason to be angry (he didn't), his behaviour was totally unacceptable.
Why did he decide to undermine your parenting, why did he argue with a small child about a non-event, & then the swearing & throwing? No no no no no.
Do NOT listen when he starts - inevitably - to minimise, to blame you, to tell you you are over-reacting etc.

And please, as soon as you have sorted out new living arrangements, get yourself booked onto The Freedom Programme
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ -

& buy yourself this present - www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

You need bolstering, & a suit of armour which these resources will give you, after this incident & also from the aftermath of your previous abusive relationship.
Please also see your GP, or get onto Womens' Aid or the Freedom Programme team about accessing counselling. You deserve & need some real life support to manage your emotions, once you have dealt with the logistics.

Read the room ivehadenoughalredy

You're overreacting. He got annoyed (at you, for undermining him) and threw a cup. Granted, it wasn't the best reaction but if he's never done this sort of thing before then I don't think I'd immediately jump to leaving him like everyone else seems to think. Just talk to him. We've all snapped at kids, I'm sure.

The orange squash could not be less relevanr FFS.

OP he came back to test the water, best to stay elsewhere tonight if you can. You are doing the right thing. And it is not easy at all, much easier to mininimise and carry on. But as you know this is not going away.Your girl needs you to step up and you are.

peanutsand chilli you are completely and utterly wrong.

Abuse always starts somewhere, and it's started here.

@Ihavehadenoughalready

I'm going to need a British to American translator.

What is a squash and what is a fizzy drink.

I'm guessing fizzy is soda? Like Coca Cola or something?

It's not really relevant what the drinks were 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP you are doing the right thing by drawing a line. There is no way this man's behaviour won't escalate further and as pp have said it is well documented that abuse often starts during pregnancy. Wishing you all the best.

@Peanutsandchilli “snapping” at our own kids? yes most of us probably have snapped in a stressful situation.
Throwing an object at someone else’s child????? I doubt many people on this thread have done that.

(By “snapping” I mean maybe raising our voice, not an act of violence, just to clarify)

She's not overreacting @Peanutsandchilli. A grown man swore at her daughter and threw an object at her in anger. Why do you think it's okay for someone to do that to a 6 year old?

@Peanutsandchilli there's snapping and raising your voice to your child and then there's throwing an object at a child. Of course she isn't overreacting. He behaved violently towards her 6 hear old ffs.