How’s this for entitled..?

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

22 year old colleague/friend, injury, I won’t go into it.

No one to drive her to A&E. My DP drives her there (with me). I sit with her for almost 8 hours waiting to be seen.

Eventually I tell her that I need to go home (I needed medication I’d left behind), I’ll sort out a lift for her in the morning (A&E about 15 miles away), but pretty sure she’ll be admitted.

Roll on early this morning. She’s been discharged.

My DP can’t pick her up so I tell her I will pay for a taxi (probably about £50).

Her mother then contacts me. Absolutely fuming that her daughter is ‘stranded’. I point out that I offered to pay for a taxi but for some reason that doesn’t count.

I tell her to jog on.

Another load of shitty messages from the colleague for telling said mother to jog on.

Seriously?

I spend most of the night in A&E with someone looking after them and there’s no thanks, just a barrage of abuse from their mother.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Is it me? Seriously. Am I in the wrong?

Or are people just like this now?

@tara66

One can get hospital transport by arrangement with the hospital concerned - or an actual ambulance - let them know this.

Eh? A hospital wouldn't send out an ambulance unless it's an emergency. And they certainly wouldn't send her home in one!

@diddl

I thought that hospital transport was for getting people to appointments that they otherwise wouldn't be able to get to.

My friend uses hospital transport. She’s a paraplegic. She can’t be put into a normal car. That’s what hospital transport is for. People like that. Not fully mobile or very elderly.

Yup, incredibly entitled!

Why do they think you OUGHT to look after her

I am sorry you had this horrible experience.
You sound so kind and have given this person your time, energy and support and gone way beyond what most people would do.
I would imagine that you normally put other people first and that is wonderful, but unfortunately some people will take advantage of you and you need to protect yourself from this.
I am delighted that you stood your ground with the rude Mum, this will not have felt easy or natural for you, but you did it!
I grew up in a culture that is very good at putting other people first, but lived in America as a teenager and realised that it is not always healthy to do this.
Personally I found, it is easier to sort out other peoples issues than to focus on your own, so I guess for me it was a way of avoiding making positive changes in my own life.
I got a sort of a high from helping people.
I am hopefully aware of this now and I check my motives before trying to rush to someone’s aid.
Also it helped me hugely to have set phrases I could use to send a clear message to those who push boundaries.For example:
“That doesn’t work for me”
“I’m sure you will come up with a good solution yourself”
I also have come expect gratitude and acknowledgment for any help I do give.

I find when someone upsets/angers me like this, it helps to write the letter you will never send. Just to address their behaviour, how it’s made you feel and get it all off your chest. Read it back to yourself and see that you are utterly reasonable and deserve better than this, then burn/file it away.

Be glad you didn’t spend the £50 on taxi - spend it on a treat for yourself if you can afford to.

I’d also be tempted to write a classic MN “did you mean to be so rude? i think the phrase you were looking for was thank you” to the mum and then block. I wouldn’t voluntarily communicate with the colleague unless she offers a genuine thank you/apology - you are the wronged party here OP. Maintain a dignified politeness at work, you could say you’re glad she’s feeling better if you’re feeling generous.

OP do not for one minute you are even slightly in the wrong. They are both entitled arseholes and I would not give them the time of day anymore. Do not talk to her any more than the bare minimum at work when your paths have to cross.

If that were me I would most certainly not want to do anything to make me feel better. I would absolutely not register interest in a few payday loans with the mothers number. I would not do that because I am not petty.

@munchkinman

No you are in the right. Sounds like the time my friend’s mother phoned me to say I was selfish for buying a 5 seater car for 3 of us her point bring I could not drive her daughter and 2 kids everywhere any longer 🙄

You have been incredibly kind and they have been incredibly selfish and rude. Don't worry about it any more and just feel glad they are out of your life now with their demands and phone calls late at night! Don't back down when the colleague inevitably tries to get back into your good books when she realises what she's lost! Stay strong and good luck!

Proper entitled CF even dropping her at A&E and leaving would have been enough of a favour, not your problem at all. People are actually nuts, you shouldn’t have even sat with her that long unless she was a really good friend of yours, you have a life too but clearly she doesn’t so that the only thing you’ve done wrong, no wonder she has no one else who would help her if this is the way she behaves

In order to move on OP you need to see this as a lesson learned. You can’t put it right as you didn’t do anything wrong. I am sure there are a few people who have fallen foul of behaviour like this from these entitled bissums.
You need to get them out of your head. Watch something on YouTube or TV that makes you laugh out loud to change your current perspective.
I frequently fixate on what other people think and find it useful to change my inner dialogue by doing this.

I had to take my brother to a & e and even he said “don’t wait for me, go home and I’ll get a taxi” I said I was happy to stay but he insisted I go. Very surprised your colleague didn’t insist on you going home and was happy for you to wait with them not thinking that you could be at home

To take someone to hospital is kind but to sit there with them for 8 long hours is unbelievable and to offer to pay 50 pound for her taxi is well Ott You did more than enough

If she is a grown ass woman she should be able to pay for a taxi herself. How would she cope if you hadn't been there?! And if her Mum was that concerned would she have not offered to pay for her daughter's taxi? Very odd behaviour OP

Sorry that’s it left you feeling really shit, op. I’m a people pleaser too but one upside of the menopause is the swift rage I feel. I’m channeling it whilst it’s around and practising the outraged phrase ‘how dare you?!’ At people where necessary (it’s amazing how many times you can use it when in a school). You can say these magic words quietly or at the top
Of your voice and they have an amazing effect, I think because you’re asking a rhetorical question.

Try it - I’m struggling to keep a straight face at the consternation that this question prompts.

@rwalker

Honestly this is a gift because if you every doubted her before ,you have now seen them for what they are and with out any re dress you can fuck them off guilt free .

Absolurely this - they have shown you what they are like, so you can stop showing them any more consideration.

Wow you done more than enough for her. These people are not just users but actually abusive. Time to move on

Presumably on top of everything else, you had to pay for 8 hours of hospital parking, which doesn’t usually come cheap?

I’m surprised you were allowed to stay with her! I recently (a month ago) went to A&E and only children were allowed to have someone stay with them.

I know you were trying to be nice, but I hope you’ll stop being a mug. Offering to drop someone off to hospital? Lovely. Staying with them for hours and offering to splurge on a £50 taxi? She’s not your DC.

I’ve been at work all day but actually had a lovely day.

Feeling calmer and lighter.

Ordered myself a beautiful plant with my £50. It will serve as a nice reminder whenever I look at it.

Clearly you are a very kind and generous person.
Sounds like the mother has a very low IQ or lacks any empathy.
It might need a second person to calmly explain to her that you stayed 8 hours, way above and beyond your duty. She may have been angry so didn't process the info fully. After a calm reflection, I would hope she would realise her mistake and apologise to you, and give you a big box of chocolates to say thank you.

@Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals

Sorry that’s it left you feeling really shit, op. I’m a people pleaser too but one upside of the menopause is the swift rage I feel. I’m channeling it whilst it’s around and practising the outraged phrase ‘how dare you?!’ At people where necessary (it’s amazing how many times you can use it when in a school). You can say these magic words quietly or at the top Of your voice and they have an amazing effect, I think because you’re asking a rhetorical question.

Try it - I’m struggling to keep a straight face at the consternation that this question prompts.

@Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals Menopause is great, isn't it? I have no fucks to give any more, and woe betide anyone who pisses me off now all those hormones that keep women docile have fled my system.

I know there’s been 100s of messages but seriously, why offer to pay someone else’s taxi FFS?!

Oh wow no good deed goes unpunished

Have a hug, OP. The wobbly feeling that comes with standing up for yourself is horrible.

Sometime I don’t know what’s worse the crap feeling you get when you stand up for yourself or the crap feeling you get when you don’t.